PLEASSSSSE don't pass this question....?

Question

I was w/ my bf for 2 months when he broke up w/ me. It has been almost 2 weeks since the breakup. I know 2 months isn't a very long time but I am heartbroken and miss him so much. The reason he wanted to end things was b/c things were moving very quickly and our feelings for each other were very strong in such a short amount of time. He said this really scares & overwhelms him. He is also in school ful time and works part time. Things were working great but I think it all just got too much for him and he freaked out and got scared. Before me, he had been single for over 2 years and I think being w/ me took him out of his comfort zone. He also has issues w/ women and really has his guard up (his mom is mentally ill & is very needy of him, his dad is on his 3rd marriage and they have all been gold-diggers, his ex gf of over 2.5 years cheated on him and left him for an older rich guy). So I do understand why his defenses are up.
PLEASE KEEP READING BELOW....)

After we broke up I didn't know what to do... all I knew was I wanted him back. So I called and texted him A LOT w/ no response from him. Finally a few days ago I called again and we spoke. He said he wasn't ignoring me but he didn't know what to say. He said he really misses me and has really wanted to call me but has stopped himself from doing so. We talked for a while and made plans for that night and basically said we would try things again but take it slow. In the meantime he spoke w/ his brother and then called me and said he just couldn't do it and that if we are together he will neglect everything else in his life b/c all he wants to do is be w/ me. We talked again and he changed his mind again but then once again spoke w/ his brother and said he just couldn't. he wouldn't even agree to see me casually as he said if he sees me it will rekindle things and he will want to get back together.

The night we broke up he was also w/ his brother. When we were together he told me his brother said he should run b/c things were getting too serious w/ us. He & his brother are very close and I think his brother was upset by all the time I was taking up with him. I think his influence is having a HUGE impact on my ex-bf.

I googled "how to get your ex-bf back" today and found that I have been going about this all wrong. Everything I read said not to call and text and pretty much beg him for another chance. It said to LEAVE HIM COMPLETLY ALONE so that he has time to reflect and a chance away to miss me and miss the relationship.
I KNOW he feels strongly for me and we always had a great time together and the chemistry was amazing... we are both VERY attracted to each other! I is really just his fear that is standing in our way.

Do you think if i take this advice and give him space and not contact him anymore that he will possible want me back? It does makes sense that he knows I'm always there pine-ing away for him... he may wonder why my calls have stopped and see there is a REAL risk of losing me. (or did I do too much damage)?

Please tell me what you think....

If you're still awake.... THANKS FOR READING!!!!

Answer 1

Yes, I'm still awake, thankfully!

Give your ex-boyfriend some breathing space and see what happens.


Have a lovely Christmas regardless and keep your spirits up throughout the Holiday season!




P.S. If I were you, I would be rather pissed at his brother! This guy needs to stay out of his brother's private business such as his intimate relationships, don't you think? I know that he's his brother and they are very close but come on now... There are boundaries to respect, even between close family members! Good luck to both of you!

Answer 2

well, i'm like yew except, i dated a guy for 2 months then he broke up with me in the middle of a movie at the Grand Theatre. I started to cry because he gave me a ring at the beginning of the relationship, so i bought him a real silver one and right when i did that he said it's over. I asked him why several times and he said our relationship was going to fast too. Then he asks my best friend out and she said "yes!" So now im trying to ignore both of them. Everytime they call me, i hand my mom or dad the phone and they say she's busy or something. I really love him, but i don't know what to do anymore! my best friend promised she wouldn't go out with him an look, she is. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you my problems, i should be answering yours. OK, this is just my opinon so u don't have to do it if u don't want. I think you should stop calling him for a few days, let him call you. If he asks why you haven't been calling him, just say i was trying to give you some space and time to think.I am still heartbroken to but, if he really likes you he'll tell you how he feels when he thinks it's the right time. If that doesn't work, then i'm really sorry. Some guy will come and stop by you and say how pretty and nice you are and you will feel happy and un-heartbroken. If you can, please type back!
thanks!

Answer 3

Thanks for all the info, you painted a good picture of what's going on from your perspective. It makes it a lot easier for me to form an opinion. Don't worry, it didn't take all that long to read.

Yeah, this guy has some baggage. You sure you want to be with someone like that? We have all had some ex's that we really wanted to get back with. I've seen it work and I've seen it fail. There's no sure-fire way to do it.

My advise is to give him the space. It will do both of you some good. It will give you time to really evaluate the situation and meet other people to see if you really do want to be with him. After a while (few weeks/months) of infrequent talking, it might help if you "accidentally" run into him again once or twice. See if it starts to spark some chemistry again and take it from there.

Something tells me that after some distance from this situation, you may just realize that this isn't the kinda guy you want to end up with anyhow thoughl

Answer 4

I think first and foremost that you are far too young for such a serious commitment. Secondly it was you as a girl to see that things were kept in their right perspective and not allowed to move as fast as they have. Young people like exploring but they dont realise they are playing with fire until its too late. Unfortunately in the West the girls are too promiscuous (Ill get a thumbs down for this I am sure) but its true. If young girls learn to keep the honey away from the bee they will get better results. The bee will chase the flower for its honey. The flower should not be chasing the bee!!!! Then there is another issue. The boys family have a bad history...father has been married three times? History has a habit of repeating itself. His mother has mental problems which could also be passed on to your children were you to have any with him. Enough said. Get your head over him. Yes I know I sound cold and calculating but I am not really I am telling you this for your own good. It is better for you to start afresh and go very very slowly with your relationship...remember one thing...slow and steady wins the race. You have learnt your lesson by being too fast. I am sorry that you are hurt....it is life....men take advantage of women and its up to the woman to see that it doesnt happen...Men are men after all and we cannot blame them...its nature.....without them there would be no future and they are part of our lives. My advice to you? Leave him well alone....young love is very passionate and can lead you into a life that you may possibly regret. Good luck. Advice is given but you have to make your own decision on this on your own.Think long and think deeply.

Answer 5

A fruitful relationship shouldn't be this difficult. How in the world do you stand all of this drama! His brother this, his father that etc. on and on. Stop and consider all of the time you've already spent thinking and wondering about this situation. Is it really worth it? Cut him loose. If he's really serious about you he'll have to make some sort of choice. Is this just the sex stuff or do you really believe there's something worth having there? Two months isn't really very long to be beyond the facination with the sex etc. Lastly, if he's having such a hard time making a decision toward you, what do you think he'll do with making other decisions in the future?

Answer 6

Blimey...what a read!
I am so proud I made it to the end!

I think you should respect him and leave him alone personally. If he misses you that much, and you are meant to be together he will eventually call you. If you are not meant to be together, then I am afraid you have to face it and let time heal your pain.

Time really is a great healer and he is not the only man out there. I know it is hard right now, but you need to give him the space he needs. He is very sensible for taking stock of the priorities in his life. I am sorry these do not include you right now...

Try to focus on something right now, you always want what you can't have.... before you know it weeks will have passed and you will be feeling better..

Answer 7

Don't hurt yourself, dear. Definitely he doesn't want you to be around him, and you've been doing the exact opposite in order to keep him close. Who can blame you? It's only natural to question more when you can't get any answers.

Just leave him for the time being. If he really has all that problems he tells you, then you better not plead for him to stay. Leave him be. While you, my dear, it's holidays! Take some time off. Be with your friends. Visit your relatives. Meet people you only hear about previously. If your friends ask you about him, just tell them that you're through. Wasn't that what he wanted?

I know it has to hurt, but you have to know that there were no guarantees that any love will be smooth sailing. You must know that in love and definitely life, there are no rules, and if there are any, the only definite rule is that someone is bound to get hurt.

Don't dwell too much on that. Let it go. The only way to see things clearly is by not getting too involved in it.

Answer 8

Ok, I didn't even waist my time reading the rest of the posting, because I'd already made up my mind what I wanted to say to you.

1. If he changes his mind after speaking with his brother on issues involving to the two of you, and not you first, then he'll be doing that, if not already has done that, for the majority of your relationship. And you don't want to be with someone who can easily be talked out of treating you with the respect you deserve because someone "hated" on the fact that the two of your are trying to work things out. And if he's someone who's easily persuade like that, then just think of how your relationship in the future will be like.

2. Taking the examples of his mother and fathers relationship and comparing it to yours is not something you would want him to do. He has to realize that the two of you, are totally different people then his mother and father. So if you ask me, if that's one of the excuses he's using, then that's a cop out. And if that's the reason that you're using the set your mind at ease about the two of you not working things out, then you really need to seek someone who has a healthier out look on live, relationships, and marriage.

3. Stop calling, stop texting, stop emailing, and stop writing. Doing these things WILL NOT get the two of you back together. It will only make matters worse. Breath...and let him go. My grandmother told me you "have to love someone enough to let them go". Let him come back to you if he's ready to stop being selfish and stop thinking it's only him in the relationship, and realize that you have feelings and wishes that need to be respected just as much as his. Because in a RELATIONSHIP its not always about just how you feel, the other parities thoughts, emotions, and feelings comes into play as well.

4. MOVE ON, there are so many other men out there besides this one man you can't let go of. Sometimes, god will tear away from us the very things we try to hold on to. take the relationship between the two of you for what it was worth, an experience that you can learn and grow from.

And if I'm not mistaken, haven't you posted on here asking questions about the same man before? If you have, then you really need to let this man go, and stop torturing yourself over someone who doesn't love you the way you should be. Because if it hasn't worked by now, then it more then likely wont.

Answer 9

that took me a while to read. well, i think tha you should stop calling him but before doing that, tell him how you feel about all this. let him know that you are not a puppet that gets picked up and then thrown away. he is playing with your feelings. i have been with my bf for four years and it has happened alot until i put a stop to it. i told him that if he really wanted time off then i would give it to him, but i said "don't blame me if i'm not there when you're ready for a relationship again." tell him that you could have helped him out with all the problems in his life and he is deciding to go at it by himself. tell him that you will be there for him if he needs to talk but that you're not always going to be ready for a relationship with him. it works like reverse psychology. if he really loves you, he will see that you are serious about him and that you want to help him, and that there is a risk of him loosing you.. I ONLY HOPE THE BEST FOR YOU.

Answer 10

I think that your google result was correct, and that if you don't give him space, you will lose him. Unfortunately, it is not an easy course, and there is no guarantee that you will get him back. The best you can do at this point is just to get on with your life. Spend time with friends. Maybe find new interests and activities. And if he does come around, avoid being totally available for him. Limit the time you spend together, and don't show signs of being "clingy" or he will spook for sure, based on what you've said.