boyfriend watches porn + low self esteem??

Question

Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years, with a few breaks in between. we've been together through alot of good & bad. i've had low self esteem for as long as i can remember.. i had a really rough childhood, my parents were abusive toward each other, my mother was suicidal.. lots of bad things. i dont think about it alot anymore, but i still have such low self esteem. i dont like that my boyfriend watches porn, because it seems to keep me from feeling any better about myself, cause i feel like he has to have that. although he has cut back on it a LOT for me. we keep arguing over it. i'm trying to feel better about myself and resolve this porn issue but i dont know how!! it's driving me insane because it's putting us on the verge of breaking up. =(

Answer 1

Your self esteem is your issue, and whether your boyfriend watches porn or not, you are responsible for how you feel about yourself. You cannot hold someone else responsible for your self-image; if you try and do that, you are always going to be disappointed, because no one is going to make it their life's work to build up your confidence.

As far as watching porn, it's normal, all men do it, and it has nothing to do with how your boyfriend feels about you. If you make this into an issue, you will create distance between the two of you, when it really isn't a big deal.

I reiterate: ALL MEN WATCH PORN.

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

Your boyfriend needs to chill on the porn, for good. Not all men watch it. I don't. My brother doesn't. My cousin doesn't. My father doesn't. As far as I know, none of the men in my family watch porn, at least not on a regular basis, and every last one of us is a ''macho'' type. If your boyfriend needs porn, something's wrong with *him*, not you. It has nothing to do with the way you look or the way you feel about yourself. As someone said, it's a mental addiction. It's a problem with his mind, with his power of self control. He can control his thoughts, but he chooses not to. Talk to him about it, but don't nag. Let him know you feel uncomfortable with him watching porn all the time, and that you want him to stop, but try to do so calmly, without starting a fight.

Your self esteem is your issue, and yours alone. You need to learn to value yourself, and not to rely on what anyone else thinks of you. At the same time, you may be able to let your boyfriend know that this is something you're trying to work on. Ask him for help. Maybe he could compliment you a little more often. Maybe he could try to be a little more supportive than he is. But ultimately, it's on you. You're worth more than you realize to a lot more people than you probably think. Now you- and you alone- have to realize that.

Peace,
Drew

Answer 4

once more, Jack B has stolen the words out of my fingers and said it better than i ever could.
he's absolutely right. you cannot let someone else be the owner of your feelings and self esteem because what he gives he can take away and totally control you.
you got to work on yourself regardless of what he does.
as to the porn, think of it as a passtime such as reading or watching tv or playing computer games or whatever.

Answer 5

People who say porn is addicting are full of crap. It isn't the porn, its the arousing feeling it gives you, which leads to the real addiction - masturbation (PLEASURE). My guess is that by pleasuring him, he would no longer feel the need to look at porn. If you don't want to have sex for whatever reason, that's your choice and theres nothing wrong with it, but as a man i can say that I'm in the mood a lot (I cant help it). The only way to rid my desires is to masturbate or have sex, preferably sex but masturbation will work if that's all that is available. Human beings, especially males, need to be "satisfied", deal with it, or an alternative would be to give him some naked pictures of yourself and let him masturbait to that. =) GL

Answer 6

Guys do not expect their gf/significant other/wife to be like or even look like pron start. In fact, most guys that I know would not want to be with a pron star anyway. I watch porn and if I could have sex with a porn star, with my wifes blessing I would not do it. Porn satisfies a fantasy. It is not reality. You are not being judged against the girl on the TV.

Answer 7

Number one, your boyfriend isn't responsible for your low self esteem. IF you are having problems then YOU need to seek therapy for YOUR problem rather than making it HIS problem because THAT is what is putting you on the verge of breaking up.

Answer 8

I understand how you fell completely! I have somewhat of the same problem. Except..its the myspace crap. He goes on there just to look at other wemons profiles and watch them videos with them shackin their ***. but i honestly beleive it is truly a guy thing! i know so many woman that get upset over it so were not alone. but one good way to look at it at least he is noy going out and being with other woman, just looking. i dont know about you but i much rather have him look then touch! I used to let it get to me just like you are, but in time i have come to realiza that its really not something to fight about. i understand it makes you feel bad about yourself, but you are beautiful ! and i can tell he doesnt understand, but what guy truly understands us woman?

Answer 9

Then break up -- Porn is an addiction. If you can't handle someone else that is watching it, you shouldn't be with them. And that's PERFECTLY ok to feel that way. You're entitled to your views.

Answer 10

two words, BACK OFF! if a guy wants to watch porn, let him. it is not being negative towards anyone. you two are not married or anything so just leave it. sounds to me like your trying to control him (controlling women SUCK, not the good way)....if you want the relationship to work COMPROMISE