I work in a restaurant. My coworker is a loud, abusive, and obnoxious drunk. She sits down at the bar at the end of every shift and gets wasted, acting like a total moron. The problem is this.... I live a half hour from the restaurant, and it just so happens that she lives a couple blocks from me. She has no car due to a DUI, and she asked me if I could give her rides when we work together. I said okay, because I didn't know how to say No when we live on the same street. So now, she thinks we are the best of friends. She just called my house at 1:15 AM, to tell me some drunken drama. I told her to NEVER call me this late ever again, and now I realize what I'm going to have to deal with in the future. How can I politely tell her that I am not her friend and I cannot give her rides to and from work? Keep in mind, I'm a nice person, and I can be a total pushover at times.
2007-12-22 18:32:27 · 10 answers · asked by munkees81 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It is a bad situation about to get uncomfortable. Unfortunately, you did not get to know her before you agreed to give her rides. Lesson learned.
However polite you may want to be, you will have to be more than that to get out of this. One way to consider is respectful honesty. Be kind, but be true.
On the ride to work, tell her that you do not want to be friends and you will no longer be responsible for her transportation. TELL her is the key.
Do not offer the reason why, she will probably ask. Then let her know that although you hope your time working together will remain at a professional level, you just do not want to associate so closely with someone that you have little in common with. Being vague yet decisive... make your stand with quiet dignity. You are trying not to offend or personally attack her, that is as polite as you may be able to get.
TELL her that she should make other arrangements for her ride home THAT evening. SHE KNOWS she can spend some of her drinking money on a cab, or get a ride from one of her bar buddies.
You will have to work with her, but ideally she values her job enough to be low key at work. Realize, co- workers are not obligated to be friends, they are business professionals.
You may suffer some consequences if she is the vindictive kind. Be careful at work to turn the other cheek as best you can and act as maturely as you can muster. You may have to use caller ID, turn off the ringer, or change your phone number (check with your provider, it may be free due to harassment).
Being a "pushover" is more trouble than it is worth. You can be kind, polite, nice, generous, tolerant, etc... without being an easy mark. Do it on YOUR terms... think twice before you offer or agree.
NEVER give in and give her a ride. Keep it final!
OR, say nothing and print out these answers to give her a reality check from the world!
2007-12-22 19:51:55 · answer #1 · answered by ladyquesteur 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you should talk to her when she's SOBER and tell her that it's very uncomfortable for you to drive when she's drunk at the end of the shift...... that it gets you distracted or nervous or whatever you can think of. So you'd be more than glad to keep on giving her rides as long as she keeps herself sober, otherwise you'll have to refuse to take her in your car. I know she won't remember this when she's drunk, but at least you've stood your ground and you can refuse to take her home at night if she's acting like a moron, based on what you ALREADY told her. You can also refuse to take her at night saying that you have to go somewhere else (a friend's house) before going home and you can't take her, sorry..... and if she continues to get drunk you can do that everyday till she gets the hint without you being BLUNT about her attitude/problem.
As for the phone..... hopefully she won't call you again, but if she does, you'll have to disconnect the phone when you go to bed (I do that every night because there are MANY stupid people who dial wrong number at MY house in the middle of the night, believe it or not...!!!).
2007-12-23 02:50:29 · answer #2 · answered by Lprod 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't think there is a POLITE way. You have two choices-either sit down with her when she's sober and be very honest about the situation or continue to give her a ride but make it clear that it doesn't make you buddies.
There is a third solution but it's radical-move away from the area.
2007-12-23 02:58:53 · answer #3 · answered by barbara 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes you can't be nice to everyone. Just tell her that you don't like her behavior and choose not to associate yourself with her. Be honest. I mean it's your life and if you don't want her in it SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE.
Or if you want you can go totally cold shoulder on her and ignore her, tell her you're not going straight home, hang up on her when she calls. She'll get the message for sure that way.
2007-12-23 03:05:21 · answer #4 · answered by Keenyuh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We always learn the hard way. I know exactly what you're feeling because I've been in the same position myself. You need to be assertive and remember that you don't need to be "friends" with your workmates.
"I really like working with you, but I have a busy life and I don't want to be responsible for you getting to and from work. Please don't ask because then I won't have to feel bad for refusing."
2007-12-23 02:57:58 · answer #5 · answered by Miss Sally Anne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You got stuck with a loser. you need to tell her no more rides for her drunken butt, and she will be angry and hurt. these kind of people blame everyone else for their problems. don't help her, it will never end.
2007-12-23 03:18:23 · answer #6 · answered by Whittaker Chambers 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you Can't give her rides anymore because you can't stick to the time to pick her up and going home. Tell her you are irregular with the time schedule.
2007-12-23 02:48:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Would you be her friend if she wasnt drunk all the time? If so, tell her this. Some people drink because they have nothing else.
2007-12-23 02:36:34 · answer #8 · answered by Bill P 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Explain to her the problem when she is not wasted.And ask her not to be mad at you for it.
2007-12-23 02:47:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
just tell her that you are her friend and as a friend i'm not gonna be your taxi service,,
2007-12-23 02:45:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋