My Wedding Was Ruined By My Husbands Family!?

Question

Should I remain upset at his family? We performed a "Civil Wedding" that took only 3 hrs. His parents arrived half hr late! His cousins arrive 10 min. after the event was over, they did NOT introduce themselfs and still had the audacity to eat! We had no $$ to hire a photagrapher so we just used our digital cameras, all the photos were ruined because his nephews head pooped out in every shot not to mention he wanted the balloon decorations in which a lady handed to him so he wont cry....the stupid balloon came out in the background. None of his family brought us wedding gifts either! Which I thought was a bit rude since we had fed them $25 plates........I am upset at
their lack of manners..........what do I do??? - a sad bride -

Answer 1

Sounds like my ex husbands family. first off they ruined our engagement party...His brother in law hit on my sister at the engagement party, his father got up and made a really spitefull speech about how I would have to learn to get up early to make lunch for their son before he went to work and how I would need to learn how to look after my man (what is it the dark ages??) then he thanked his wife and daughters for all of their help and for putting on such an event!!!

That just took the cake, since my fiance and I paid for all the food and my mother and sisters provided the rest. My Mother was really offended. Then they had the audacity to collect up all the left overs and take them home!!! I was disgusted.
Then with our wedding, one of his sisters refused to come, she lived 500km away, and didnt want to make the trip down. She demanded that we hold our wedding at Christmas to coincide with her visit. Christmas here is the middle of summer and really hot. I didnt want a christmas wedding!
So then as we wouldnt change it the MIL refused to attend. Well that was fine with me, she then threw a tantrum because we didnt let her friend make the cake. My mother made the cake and it was beautiful. Then at the last minute she changed her mind and turned up after all so we had to change seating arrangements and everything for her, and she demanded we invite her friend too. Well I spat the dummy at that, my mother was paying for my wedding and she was a widow and I didnt want her wasting her money on random people I didnt even know!
Anyways they did come, spent half the nite telling the DJ to turn the music down (lucky I got in first and told him as I was paying him he only turned it down if I asked him to)
In the end they left early, long before we did. And I was glad to see them go.
Anyways over the years of our marriage they tried their best to ruin every christmas or anyother event where I had to endure them.
I am now so glad to never have to see them again. Unfortunately, my kids still have to have contact with them.
I am now marrying a wonderful man and he in an only child and his Mother and father are fantastic. Having good inlaws is such a refreshing thing.
Anyways my advice to you is to be careful to always stay one step ahead of your in laws and make sure your hubby is always on your side. Bad inlaws can really ruin a marriage, believe me!

Answer 2

Wedding gifts shouldn't be expected as they are not necessary, just a nice thing to bring. Maybe they had a good reason for being late and were hungry. It sounds like you had your idea of what a dream wedding would be and because it didn't happen now you're all bent out of shape. You may not have had everything go according to plan but you got married right? It's still official, is it not? I'd call that a successful wedding. The point is to get married. Let all this go. Sure, it wasn't what you expected but that's okay because you're married. Be happy that you got married. I'm not getting the wedding I want but my fiance and I are trying to compromise. I'll never really have my dream wedding but I am having my dream marriage to the greatest man I know! How can I possibly be upset about that?! Your wedding might have been "ruined" but your marriage shouldn't be. Just move on. Your wedding lasts one day. Your marriage should last a lifetime.

Answer 3

That's pretty bad .. but know what? ... that's his family.

Let him handle his family.

You are just beginning .. and it seems that you have gotten off to a bad start with them. You will kinda know what to expect.

Not all people have good in-laws.

I know you probably feel like this is a disaster for you .. and really it IS, because this was your very special day which won't be replaced ... but remaining mad won't solve anything and it will only hurt YOU the worse. You can't unring a bell .. which means you can't go backward to change what happened ... so try to salvage the good part of it, and try to get over the bad part of it. You simply can't change it now.

It happened. You can do nothing about it .. so let it be. You are a newly wed .. so go about trying to be happy with your new husband. He is probably so embarrassed & aggrevated ... but he will appreciate you more if you can get passed what his family did. No matter what he says .. it is his family.

Go forward -- put it behind you .. and be happy.

There is no way that you can make them have good manners .. it's just something that you cannot change.

Answer 4

Chalk it up as a learning experience. Figure out how to avoid ever being aggravated like this again. If you need to lie to his mom and dad about what time you want them there then do so. Never invite the cousins to anything that it matters if they come or not. (and BTW how did they get food when they came 10 minutes before closing?) Now the nephew... why didn't someone demand -politely - that he be controlled?

You now know the deal. It's time to pad the edges and take personal responsibility for the quality of youe interactions with them.

Answer 5

We performed a "Civil Wedding" that took only 3 hrs.

3 Hours!! the Justice must of had no more weddings to preform for that day as the majority of Civil weddings take about 20 minutes to preform by a Justice of the peace and are done at a Court House.

I assume your fiancé took you to his parents home during the course of your engagement and you didn't see any signs of how they were as to their social manners??
It sorta makes a person wonder under what the circumstances as to why you were married if the parents wouldn't even buy the new couple gifts.

Answer 6

Unfortunetly when you married your husband you married his family. I know exactly how you feel except in my case, none of his family showed up at the wedding or the reception. They even did nothing but ***** about every part of the planning of the wedding from the theme to what we were wearing and the location. All i can say is, you now know what they are like and hopefully there will be no more suprises. And yes, you have every right to mad but in the long run its not worth it.

Answer 7

It's over and done with...just go on and be a happy wife! You can't harp on it...it's not going to get fixed anymore! The photos fix them on the computer, you can edit and blurr out the balloon and the kids head! Don't worry about them showing up late! You cannot force people to give you gifts! You can't teach them manners either cuz it's not your job! Foremost, do not put your husband in a sticky situation as he is caught in the middle of all this...don't force him to take sides....you are his wife and they are his family and he loves all of you! Don't start your marriage on the wrong foot! Just let it go and let your good karma spread. You will be glad you did...your husband will see what morals you have! Don't worry over spilled milk...enjoy what you have and live a happy life...with marriage comes the learning of patience to love your in laws! Good Luck!

Answer 8

i feel for ya! did his parents have a good reason for being late? I think his cousins just have bad manners. But, guests are not required to bring gifts. As for your pictures, I would be pissed!!
Look around and check into services that can remove images out of photos, or look for programs so you can do it yourself on your computer. There is a photographer in my area that can do that, so I hope you can find someone/something!
Other than that, I understand you are upset, but you should just let it go. The day is over and it is never healthy to hold a grudge.
Just be careful of who you invite for future events/gatherings.

Answer 9

Sounds like they have no class, but that's the family you've married into. Because you prefer to have manners, you might be viewed as a snob by these people. But, don't let it get to you. All it means is that you have learned how to behave in polite society and you should continue to do so.

However, they are still family and it's important to be gracious. After realizing that you are a kind person, yet have a behavior that shows manners, I hope they'll admire you. But I doubt they'll change. This is the way they are. Aren't families fun? ;-)

Answer 10

I'd be horribly upset too but the fact is....when you marry the groom, you marry the entire family. Surely you knew how these people acted before agreeing to marry this man! This is not your fight. It's your husband's. He's the one responsible for getting his family in line and he SHOULD if he's any kind of man at all. These men who refuse to say anything because they are so scared of confrontation make me sick - they are pansies who need to grow a set!!!