So, I have a friend who I love dearly, but since I felt like I was doing most of the work in the friendship, i.e I always call her, & she had shown a bit of flakiness (**says she'll call, but does not, OR does not get back to me, *even though I leave a message to do so), & it only seemed or seems like she only contacts me, when it's about her*, & not just cuz, I decided to distance myself. I *did not want to do this, but I felt in order for me to know that she is a true** friend, I had to not contact her, & see if she cares enough to know why & see if she actually calls me or messages, as a true* friend would do that, instead of not giving a damn. ~Anywho, I still care for her, so out of my heart, I sent her a Christmas card (I DID NOT EXPECT ANYTHING FROM HER ) I did it because I care. ~I just got an Xmas card from her, today to be exact, & in it, she wrote a short message but ended with "Love you much", Love- Jackie". Should I still distance or message her like I had planned?..
2007-12-22 15:29:28 · 10 answers · asked by Cherryberry 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
~We're both in college
~Both live in a different state to begin with
*****She has told me that I'm one of her "BFFs"
2007-12-22 15:30:33 · update #1
I think you should just continue to be the "bigger person" and be her friend. She doesn't realize that she is doing this to you, (people can unknowlingly be a little self centered) and she does value your friendship deep down. She will realize how great you are to her one day, and she will really appreciate it. Plus, if it's fun to call her and chat now and then, why not?
2007-12-22 15:34:58 · answer #1 · answered by lisa_nicole 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you can find a better friend. It's OK to care about someone and not keep close ties. Obviously if she isn't contacting you out of genuine care and concern... for YOU... then she's probably not the friend you hoped she was. Relationships are 50/50... any relationship. If you are reaching over that 50% line more often than she is, then you are doing too much. Also, she may not know how to have a proper give and take relationship. That example may have never been showed to her in her early years, and now she may think it's normal to be on the receiving end. So maybe to mention something, casually, may get her to realize, that it's not "all about her". Hope this helps, and merry christmas.
2007-12-22 15:37:05 · answer #2 · answered by jezuzgirl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She did make a gesture to you by sending you a Christmas card, so apparently she is interested in your friendship. I'm confused why you wouldn't interpret her action in this way, since you claim that you distanced yourself so you could see whether she would initiate contact. She made contact, so it seems to me this should be the kind of sign you would be looking for.
Think of it this way: haven't you ever had an experience where you thought you should write or call someone, but didn't do it right then, or even for a while? Haven't you ever had an experience where you cared for someone or really appreciated something they did but didn't tell them about it? I think you should give your friend the benefit of the doubt. Just because she doesn't always call or write doesn't mean she doesn't care.
2007-12-22 16:22:23 · answer #3 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see it this way, the situation wont change if she was flaky and distant, and only contacted you when it was about her that doesn't go away. A Christmas card wont changed that. Look at it this way everyone is different, I don't like when people are all about themselves so I purposely chose not to hang around people like that. It's sweet that she sent a card back, so that shows she cares but it wont change her, so just don't expect to much.
2007-12-22 15:34:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that since you are both in college that life sometimes sneaks away from her and maybe she doesn't realize she is doing it intentionally. You could try writing her a letter letting her know that you still value your friendship but you feel that sometimes being away at college is tearing you apart and you'd like to try to keep in better touch or maybe get together every once in a while so that you can stay close.
2007-12-22 15:57:07 · answer #5 · answered by karisob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do whatever feels right for you. You can choose to accept that you will have to do more work in contacting her to be in touch with someone you care about or lose touch with her and possibly miss her. Sounds like this is just who she is. There are no rights and wrongs in friendship as long as the friends are accepting of the terms.
2007-12-22 15:35:38 · answer #6 · answered by bainaashanti 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I used to have the same outlook on some of my friendships.
Then, after a year of being lonely, I wish I had to be the one to call all the time. It is better to have someone to call then no one to call. Be absolutely greatful for what you have, including all of the -iffy relationships. you are blessed to have them.
2007-12-22 15:50:54 · answer #7 · answered by * 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow. that gave me something to read. lolz.
Well why not give it a while?
See if she calls you and if she doesnt, then call her, and maybe leave a message saying how you really feel about how the friendship is working out. I bet she'll listen to that, dontcha think?
2007-12-22 15:33:06 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry, but it sounds to me like you are the one who is clingy and she isn't going to conform to your standards of friendship. You distancing yourself may be exactly how to keep this friendship alive and healthy.
I have had to drop "friends" because they demanded too much of me, time-wise and emotionally.
It would be best if you only gave you you want to give in time and effort and accept what she gives back without pushing her to do more, return phone calls promptly, etc.
Merry Christmas
2007-12-22 15:41:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
i think you should talk to her and not distance yourself from her. 2 wrongs dont make a right
2007-12-22 15:33:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋