Life is falling apart.... dealing with some serious trauma from the past.... Any suggestions?

Question

Without going into a lot of detail, I had some nasty things done to me by the neighbor's step dad when I was 5 years old. It was so traumatic that my brain literally blanked out the memories until I was 31. It has been 4 months since the memories resurfaced and my life has been in shambles. I've left my job, my marriage is falling apart, I'm running out of money yet can't work. I get stressed out and crazy over nothing. Now I feel like I'm going insane, looking at myself from the outside when I say things I know I don't mean. I've been to the hospital to ask for help, but I'm not going to take drugs because I want to heal myself, not cover up the pain like it had been for 26 years. I'm seeing a counselor in January, but my marriage is unravelling, and I am just a nervous wreck each day. I used to be a high school teacher and now I just lay in bed all day or flip out over useless things. If anyone has been through this, please help or maybe we could email. Any men, also? Thanks.

I really appreciate each of your responses. Thank you.

Answer 1

You don't need the help of amateurs here. You need a professional. Commit yourself to the process of therapy, understand that it will take time, and do not reject temporarily soothing the pain with medication until you are healed enough to go without it. And be confident that you CAN get better. Good luck.

Answer 2

It sounds like things are really stressful right now, with good reason.

First, I have to say...i am not a mental health professional, (although I am a neuropsych student). I live with bipolar disorder and my life revolves around managing it. This means, medications have been and will (unless some dramatic cure is found) always be a daily part of my life. I am very well read on the subject of mental health and meds, so I do have a good idea of what I am talking about.

You are dealing with a trauma...this is intense right now, but you can get through this...you just need to do what it takes to work through it. And that may mean considering using medication temporarily, which can get you to a place where you are in the right mindset to tackle the issues and begin moving forward. Right now, you are being consumed by this and it is overwhelming. Your responses are not abnormal to the situation. You are not crazy.

Taking medication will not cover up the pain (although I sure wish it worked that kind of magic)...that wouldn't do you any good, like you say, that's what happened in the first place.
The symptoms are not all psychological. There are physiological reactions to trauma. All it takes is one part of a network in the body and the whole system can get thrown off track in a cascade effect. So, while the trigger for all of this was trauma, right now the system is off...maybe it is a hormone/neurotransmitter thing...maybe another part of the neural circuitry. But meds can reset the circuit, so to speak. And doing that can be a huge first step towards healing.

I'm just suggesting that you keep an open mind here, because I get the feeling you want to keep your marriage and life from totally falling apart. And if that means taking medication for a while, wouldn't it be worth it to save your marriage?

Don't let what this sick person did to you rob you of what matters most to you.

One other idea that comes to mind is finding a support group...online or off...(personally, email support groups have been my lifeline many times). Connecting with other people with similar experiences (trauma survivors) can help you realize you are not alone and not crazy and can help you work through the hard parts. The ones I am most familiar with are on yahoogroups.com, but there are many different ones out there.

I wish you well.

Answer 3

Don't write off the drugs because sometimes it's impossible to heal yourself. I bet if you had diabetes, high blood pressure or an infection you wouldn't think twice about taking meds. The meds may be a temporary thing until you can get over this hump or may be a permanent thing. By all means get counseling to learn how to deal with these feelings.

I take anti-depressants and have refused when the doctor asked if I want to try getting off of them. They make me feel normal like I used to and if taking two pills a day is what's necessary for that, I figure that's a small price to pay. Incidently, there's no way I EVER could have healed myself. I came too close to blowing my brains out as it was.

Answer 4

Charlie, im sorry your going thru so much. You needed to see a therapist before january isnt there a way you can get in sooner. As far as the wife...well if she loved you she would stick by you and see you thru the unhappiness and the issues you have to deal with. She knows about what has happened right i mean you communicate with her??? Sit down and write out your feelings things you remember and such like that daily keep a journal so when you go to the therapist you can show her and let her know how you feel daily. as far as the laying around its cause your in a deep depression been there and done it !!! i know what you mean about not wanting to take meds but let me tell you something there is this great pill called klonzepam/clonzepam its not like the others it wont make you addicted it allows you to think but it also allows you to get over the anxiety and reason with yourself after taking it for two years it will get the chemistry in your brain back in sequence and you can stop taking it once the brain retrains itself on how you are and you can get on a normal path of life. for anxiety you need to take more time for yourself when an attack comes lift your hands above your head breath in your nose and out your mouth if it seems to get worse the take one of your fingernails and place t under your nose the middle piece not a nostril and give some pressure its a natural pressure point that will relieve anxiety. You have to make yourself get up and move you have to do something because only you can make this better. its in the past what happened happened and you cannot change it however you can change how you accept it and how you deal with it. Are you taking this out on your wife is that why things are falling apart??? we as humans always hurt the ones we love think about how you talk to her or what you do make sure you understand this is not her fault make sure you understand that she loves you and wants to make you better but she cannot help you IF YOU WANT TO GET BETTER YOU HAVE TO HELP YOURSELF there is only so much she can do she can be by your side she can even pamper and baby you and help you out but YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE PROBLEM!!! good luck to you i hope you get better and get on your feet soon.

Answer 5

I know exactly what you are going through. I was abused as a child and also blocked it out. When I finally remembered I was a train wreck. My wife and mother had all but given up on me, but with treatment and their support I am OK now.

You are suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). PTSD can be treated with medication and talk therapy.

Also, as a quick fix, you might want to seek out a licensed hypno-therapist. They help get to the deep seated roots of these things and teach you how to cope with them.

Don't wait until January on this. Call your family Dr. on Monday morning, hopefully they are open on the holiday and try to get them to prescribe some anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. I am not a Dr., but I can tell you what has helped me.

I take Wellbutrin and Prozac for depression and clonipin for anxiety. It has made such a difference, I cannot begin to explain it. It helped me to get my life back.

Please let me know if you have any additional questions.

Answer 6

should try to remove all related people, things,places to the past prob em form your life and then try to think positive , find new hobbies and most important work on one of your interests that you never have spend time or money on that. It has been useful , specially chaining the place I live and don't see any more the people related to the problem. And to avoid thinking about the problem Ive started dancing Salsa, playing squash,... I'm happy now , not 100% but I'm suffering less that the first day after the problem..