Was I wrong for expressing my unhappiness with Xmas gifts?

Question

When I shop for family and friends, I take the time to find out early on what they desire for Xmas. I go out and get those individuals EXACTLY what they asked for. For the last several years (this one included), I express what I would like for Xmas. I do not get the things I want. When I found out some of the things I was getting this year, I expressed my disappointment about every year I do not get what I asked for. Some friends/family were hurt by what I said. I made myself very clear that from now on when it comes to Bdays and Xmases, if it is not what I want, the gifts will given back to the giver. I will make no apologies about what I said or did.

I have gifts from the last 2 Xmas' that I do not wear or use. There wasn't any thought put into these gifts.Some may say what I did is wrong and immature, but if I can put forth the effort to get people what they want, they should make the effort to do the same

I have received alot of criticism for my actions. I expected it. The main thing is I feel better about expressing my thoughts about the actions of others. I have given my family/friends the option of not getting me gifts in the future. I, again, expressed that I will not accept anymore gifts that I do not want.

The reason I am doing this is because these people know me and know my likes/interests. Most of my gifts are very inexpensive and easy to buy. I love DVD's but instead I get "old man" sweaters and my 15th set of pajamas.

Some of you may accept what others do, but my days of that are over. If I can be thoughtful enough to get my family/friends something I know they will like and enjoy, then they can do the same for me. Period.

Answer 1

No, you were not wrong. Don't let these people push you around. You put everything you had into buying them gifts. They should do the same.

Answer 2

That's downright rude. If I was your friend or relative I'd never get you a gift again, ever -- you're gonna give it back to me anyway.

Gifts are a tokens of appreciation but in no way are people OBLIGATED to give you "what you want/need"........ maybe they can't afford to buy what you want and they just picked what they wanted and could afford to give you..... that's more than many people can say. I'm not getting but 2 gifts this year.... and I certainly hope I could get more, but those are just material things and I value more having a close relationship with people who are important to me ALL THE TIME than just getting a lousy gift from them 1-2 times a year.

If this bothers you so much, then tell everyone not to even bother in buying something for you, because you know in advance that you won't be pleased with it. Don't ever receive a gift from them again, and don't make such a big effort to please them either. Just buy them lousy gifts exactly the opposite to what they said they wanted and then you'll finish the good job you already started of damaging your relationship with these people. Whata shallow, selfish and materialistic person.................... I had never known anyone who would do this.

Answer 3

Okay.. so your family and friends don't listen to you.
Join the club.

but in the end, they love and care about you enough to buy you a gift.

To just give it back to them and say it's not what you want, is unkind and ungrateful.

Why can't you simply say something like.. "Hey, this shirt isn't really my style.. by any chance do you have the receipt for it?"

That way you can exchange it and get something that you would want.. and not be hurting their feelings.

I think what it comes down too.. is how you handle the situation.

It's okay to say you don't like a gift, but just don't insult the person giving you the gift and show ingratitude.

Simply explain.. hey .. this is cool, but I'd rather return it and get a whatever it is you do want.. and most people will be cool and oblige you on that.

Answer 4

Yes, you were wrong for expressing your unhappiness(it makes you seem ungrateful), but you're not wrong for feeling the way you do. I'm sure that everyone in here has been in the same situation that you have, and may have thought about reacting the way you did, but they knew better than to act like that. Christmas shouldn't just be about the gift giving! And nobody HAS to buy you a present! Just tell them to give you some money next time(if they decide to get you something next year) so you can get what you want.

Answer 5

No matter what a gift is, it should be received with thanks. I'm sorry you felt that the gift-giving was not as thoughtful as you hoped, but I'm pretty sure that the result of your actions will be resentment, not better gifts. It comes across as quite ungrateful.

People have many different ways of expressing their love for others. Giving gifts is only one of them. A book that has helped me understand this better is "The Five Love Languages" by Chapman. I recommend the book to you.

By the way, if you receive a gift you don't like in the future, feel free to donate it to charity or pass it on to someone who would enjoy it more.

If I understand you correctly, you are trying to make a statement that people should select you more thoughtful gifts. It appears that you feel thoughtful gifts are important as a way for people to show you how they care about you. Therefore, when the gift isn't thoughtful in your eyes, you feel unloved. I'm pretty sure that your statement won't be received unless you express to them why thoughtful gifts are important to you. Please, please read "The Five Love Languages" and it'll help you to understand. If you feel unloved, maybe there are better ways to get your message across.

Answer 6

Why does the gift mean that much to you? Aside from that what you can do is pass the gift along.If a guy gave you something you didn't like then wrap it up again and give it to him the next year.Just say : I know that being so(beautiful,soft, woolie ,etc.) wonderful a color that I just knew you hated parting with it and thank you but I just knew you wanted it for yourself. SMILE really big with lots of excitement at how thoughtful you were. Girl gave it: same type of speech but give it to her father,boyfriend,son, etc.Get the idea? and sweetie try buying a gift for yourself each time you buy for someone else that way your gifts will be perfect for the season.

Answer 7

Getting someone exactly what they want takes little effort. There's NO thought put into it at all- you just get what they tell you to. Trying to choose a gift that you think someone would like based on what you know about them, however, takes far more effort and is much more thoughtful.

If you don't like that people don't get exactly what you demand, you should simply request that people stop giving you gifts. Period. No more gifts for you. You don't like them.

Answer 8

You seem very thoughtful in getting precicely what people want but it's not wise to expect others to live up to those same high standards. Besides you aren't suppost to look a gift horse in the mouth. You are fortunate if even one person thinks of you enough to buy a gift. Think of the homeless people and the poor old folks in nursing homes who sometimes don't even get a visit, let alone a lousy gift they don't need or want.

Answer 9

Oh my goodness its the thought that counts, I haven't had a present in years and I'm only 19!!!

You should be happy that you have friends and family that even think of buying you a present

You can't complain when you get something but instead smile and accept it, you're really not losing anything by puttin their gifts aside, you didn't buy them or pay for them but they did!!!

And maybe their finances weren't up to par to purchase what you wanted, it seems as if your budget is pretty high if you are purchasing everything your friends and family want...

Just keep in mind the real meaning behind Christmas and not "Xmas"!!!!

Answer 10

You putting forth the effort to give people gifts doesn't justify your rudeness. Unfortunately, your friends and family are not Santa and they have the right to get you whatever they want. Regardless of what list you may have given them. BTW, If they never get you what you want then why are you still shocked by this.

I'd suggest being grateful for the gifts and start buying what you want and/or need with your own money. If you don't use the gifts they give you then donate it to someone or charity that could use them. You choose to get them what they ask for, you could do just like them and get them whatever you want, but you choose not to. They choose to get you what they feel like you need, want, or who knows why. You can't demand a specific gift and then give it back thinking it'll make a point. I guarantee you the only point you'd be making is that you're ungrateful, demanding, and definitely immature.

Answer 11

Gifts should be accepted graciously. If you don't like a gift (clothing) tell the giver, that it is the wrong size or color, and ask for the gift receipt, so you can exchange it for something which your size (more to your liking). As for other gifts... regift.. to someone who is not in the same circle, as the one who gave it to you in the first place.

Gifting is not like filling out a shopping list... you get what the other person thinks you want, or what they want you to have. Sometime's the gifts just are wrong.. but to be less than gracious is more wrong.