My views on spanking...?

Question

Okay, first and foremost...yes, I am against spanking. Does that mean that I think everyone who has ever tapped their child on the bottom is an evil child abuser? No, of course not. So this is my disclaimer: I am not trying to attack anyone's opinion, so spankers, please do not write nasty and rude replies telling me what an idiot I am for being against spanking. That certainly does not change my outlook on spanking when people in favor of it act so rude and disrespectful. My main question is, why do people seem to think that spanking is the only possible way to raise children? Why do so many people think that all kids who aren't spanked become criminals? That isn't true at all! There are a lot of kids now who are spoiled because their parents don't want to have to deal with them so they basically just don't discipline at all. But my parents didn't spank me, yet they still disciplined me. We have a wonderful relationship now and I respect others.

And by the way, I personally know someone who was spanked as a child because his parents thought it was a good thing. He was well-behaved when he was little, and then once he started school and he was away from his parents, he started acting up and was always getting in trouble. And of course, his parents just paddled him more the more he got in trouble, yet things still did not improve. And now, he is depressed, he hates his parents, and he is experimenting with drugs to try to take away all of his pain. Would you really want this to happen to your child? Now, I'm not saying that this happens to every child who is spanked, but the fact that something like this could happen would certainly make me want to steer clear of spanking, especially since it IS possible to achieve discipline without hitting. This boy that I know is not the only example, there are plenty of people that have written about how damaged they are from being spanked.

"HOMITA DEL VALLE"- yes, it was ultimately his choice to do drugs. I'm not saying that there's any excuse for what he's doing. But you can't say that his upbringing has nothing to do with it. For a long time, he had always been saying how hurt, scared, alone, and depressed he felt. He always told me he wished he had parents like mine who were kind, patient, and understanding. Most people have no idea what he went through, but I can tell you that the so-called "loving discipline" he received from his parents really damaged him. I am not hanging out with him anymore because of the bad choices he has made, but he is currently in counseling and I do hope and pray that he will get better, and that other children will be spared the pain that he has endured.

Answer 1

i think if the parents are lazy at discipline and only spank for any and every offence then yes that is abusive

however i am of the opinion that spanking can be one of a long list of possible punishments - there are usually better ways of dealing with misbehaviour such as withholding treats/outings, docking pocket money, telling off, grounding, extra chores, etc etc so it rarely needs to get to the point of spanking

i think the key to it is respect - if the child is show respect then they will show respect to others - this is independent of whether they were spanked or not

Answer 2

I think that it's out of ignorance I'm not trying to be rude or disrepectful towards you, but too say that people who spank think it's the only way too raise a kid is wrong. I don't think any parent really wants to spank their child. It's a method used in certain situations that may either physically hurt themselves, others, direct defiance of a parent, and a few other things. Do parents really want to spank their kids? That's definitely a no, but certain situations need to be fixed quickly.

Every child is different just because one type of discipline technique worked on you or another child doesn't mean that the next kid it is used on is going to be as effective. It make the child think before they act if the parent also communicates with the child on why they are being spanked to begin with? For example a child finds a rock and decides maybe it would be fun to throw it at someone, but in the back of their minds they know that if this rock is thrown they will be over their parents knee and would get spanked for it they will more then likely not do it. That is the point of a spanking that the action that the parent is looking for causes their child to think before they act instead of just acting and then suffering the consequences later.

Answer 3

As a spanking parent, I'm much more concerned about the outcome of my children then how others turn out. IMO it's the spanking parents who are under attack. None of that really bothers me, both my husband and I know we do right by our children. I don't spend time on here trying to convert the anti spanker's. How they chose to raise their children is their business. I recommend spanking to parents who have discipline issues, however NOT if I know they are against it. Even though spanking is my last line of defense, being the "worst" punishment spanking actually helps our other methods become much more effective.

Also - Your friend surly has many more issues with his parents then spanking. Who's to know, it's the same as when people for spanking bring up examples of the opposite scenario playing out.

My final thoughts - We all must raise our children how we truly believe will work, weather that's for or against spanking.

Answer 4

I thought this forum was for asking questions, not proselytizing. In any case, I think the reason your friend turned out badly is because his parents did not find discipline that actually WORKED. Spanking can be effective, but only when dispensed occasionally; when it is used as a first resort instead of a last resort, it loses the psychological effect that it once had, and face it, spanking is meant to be more of a mental punishment than a physical one...you aren't meant to hit a child so hard that it actually "hurts", at least not for more than a few seconds.

My children get spanked for one thing and only one thing: lying. Being Honest is the cardinal value that we teach in our home, so we want them to understand that no matter what they have done, lying about it is worse. So when they lie, they get a spanking. And guess what? My kids hardly ever lie.

Answer 5

Well, there are other forms for disciplined-other then spanking. As some have said, people make their own decisions, whether good or bad. It doesn't matter. It doesn't mean that the kid will be bad later in life for not geting spanked. Some people were bought up that way. Some were brought up being spanked and carried it on to their kids.
As for the guy you knew who did get spanked and then later did drugs, was his choice, not his parents.
I mean look at Marilyn Manson, I understand he probably was spanked too and his parents were Christians, but he turned bad too. He became a singer, but was worshipping Satan. So go figure....

Answer 6

A *thwap* on the bottom is fine when you use discretion.

A *hit* that will leave a mark .... NO.

And no thwapping or hitting out of anger.


"why do people seem to think that spanking is the only possible way to raise children? Why do so many people think that all kids who aren't spanked become criminals?"

I don't think that way. I think every child is different and needs a different form of discipline.

Answer 7

I believe that spanking is okay. It can be an effective form of punishment, but is not appropriate in all situations. There is a huge difference between spanking a child and abusing a child.

I think that children will rebel whether they were spanked or not. For a disturbed individual to blame discipline for their problems is very irresponsible.

Answer 8

When i was younger, my mum would hit me if i had done something seriously wrong. Not very hard or powerful but to make sure i do not do it again. i must say it worked, im not sure if i will do it with my kids, as i cried, and to hear ur children crying must be awful as a parent.
but i learnt lessons and my mum raised me good, people should not critisise people for the way they bring up their children.
it all depends on ur parental views, some people totally disagree, some think its okay, and some people strongly agree.
all i can say is if it gets to far, something needs to be done

Answer 9

i think there are good children and little spoiled brats in this world. these brats sometimes do need a good spanking to set them straight. and other kids don't need to be spanked cause they listen. i do believe in spanking, but not to the extent of physical abuse. but it's all up to the parents how they want there kids to be growing up. as for your friend who is a drug addict now, was his choice and him being spanked as Little child has nothing to do with it. your crackhead friend is grown and know what he/she does.

Answer 10

my husband and I both think spanking is OK, we use the "counting" method with our daughter, we tell her NO then if she continues we tell her she has to the count of 5 and if she doesn't stop she gets a swat on her butt...she's 2and half and is VERY well behaved and extremely smart...we can count the number of spankings she has gotten on one hand, we also take toys or t.v. time away, and if she is acting out in public she gets to leave and stay at home with one of us or a relative and that time is always BORING for her.