I am 28. Just got married. My oldest sister is 37 and we've always been close. She did not want to be in my wedding because she claims she "couldn't afford it", although I would've paid for her things and not expect that she spend anything. IMHO I believe it is because she spends her life not wanting to commit to anything and avoiding any sort of "obligated" responsibility. Fast forward to the wedding - she stayed for the ceremony, and then left right at the beginning of the reception because her 5 year old son was "acting up". Since she's had her son, she has avoided functions/gatherings because he is "cranky". One year she didn't even show up to Thanksgiving dinner (in the same city) because her son was "acting cranky". Her son DOES seem to act much younger behaviorally than his age, but she refuses to seek any professional opinion & just plans her life around whether or not he's going to throw a tantrum. This is nothing new to my family. But since the wedding I've had sour feelings.
2007-12-22 10:13:39 · 11 answers · asked by High Fructose Corn Syrup 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm tired of the excuses about her son. It is a broken record. Would you be mad at her about this too? I feel like I've been very understanding as I too AM a parent of a toddler. But the difference is that my husband and I try to teach her how to behave in public, etc., and yes she throws tantrums but we don't let it rule our lives. And I certainly would not have missed my own sister's wedding because my kid was acting up. Am I wrong here?
2007-12-22 10:15:31 · update #1
Captain S - yes actually I have thought of that. The problem is that my sister refuses to seek any opinion, even from the Pediatrician. So I have nothing against the kid for behaving that way...I believe it should be her responsibility to look into that sort of thing.
2007-12-22 10:21:01 · update #2
His father is around and is a good guy, but a passive parent. He doesn't discipline, and honestly she doesn't either. She just escapes whenever the going gets tough.
2007-12-22 10:33:36 · update #3
It sounds like her priorities are a little off, and she is allowing or using the son as an "excuse" to not interact with others socially.
I would be hurt too, especially as she knows the family almost anticipates some acting up on his part. And she blew you off with the wedding itself, and basically said with her actions that it just wasn't that important to her.
I'd let her know about it, simply so you can tell her that because of her pattern of allowing a 5 yr. old to dictate what is and what isn't an important and memorable event to be shared by her, is just plain unacceptable and childish in itself.
Also let her know that you won't be so quick to ask her to other meaningful events and occasions.
2007-12-22 10:27:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her she is the child and he is her ruler.
This will make her mad, but explain to her if she was a decent parent he would be under control and he would not be running her life, she is 37 and he is 5.When he gets to be a teenager, no amount of drugs the counselors will prescribe will keep him from taking her money and treating her like dirt and doing whatever he pleases.He will be in trouble with the law long before he is 15.
This isnt opinion, this is fact.
2007-12-22 19:24:32 · answer #2 · answered by Joe F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is unfortunate that your sister is "using" her son as an excuse to "get out of functions". She is also condoning his behavior (if he really is cranky) and setting a VERY poor example as a parent. In my opinion she is behaving like a child herself and I would treat her as such. Ignore her, and she may get the message that you are not going to beg and plead for her presence. If there is a family gathering or an event then give her one phone call and leave it at that, if she shows then that's cool, if she doesn't, blow it off and do not allow her to ruin things for you and your family.
2007-12-22 18:45:06 · answer #3 · answered by canuck1950 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like her son needs a good kick up the butt. It's either the son is in control or the mum is weak. Maybe mum needs a slap, she definately needs a wake up call, she is being ruled, left, right and centre and if she doesn't grow some balls and straighten him up, he's still going to be doing it when he reaches adolescences. Then bigger problems come.
I'd be pissed, I'll also step up and give them both a piece of my mind, and foot. But, on the other hand, it looks like she already has enough on her plate, than to deal with sour feelings from the lil sis.
It would have been lovely if she could have just enjoyed the wedding with you.
2007-12-22 18:49:32 · answer #4 · answered by Doughboys 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Have you considered the possibility that your nephew may be autistic? That would hardly qualify as an excuse, but would represent a real challenge for them as well as him coping with situations outside of the ordinary occurrences. Maybe you should explore all possibilities before getting too indignant.
2007-12-22 18:19:13 · answer #5 · answered by Captain S 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
No, your right. My sister was the same way. She's definitely got issues!
She should seek counseling.
2007-12-22 18:20:49 · answer #6 · answered by JC 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your sis is a selfish b, and an enabler to her 5 yr old......Live your life, let her ruin hers
2007-12-22 18:19:26 · answer #7 · answered by icemanmurph 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your nephews father around?
2007-12-22 18:32:25 · answer #8 · answered by bigmac 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't put any emphasis on her issues. Whatever floats her boat.
2007-12-22 18:21:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm with fresh. The boy need to be spanked. If he was my nephew I wound spank him for her. You need to talk to your sista about her son. You and her is not the issue.
2007-12-22 18:30:21 · answer #10 · answered by lee lee 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋