Is he not ready for a relationship, or just not into me?

Question

I have been on and off with someone for several months, who I have fallen for pretty hard. We have everything in common and get a long great but he is constantly changing his mind to whether we should be dating or just friends. I know he is very attracted to me but seems very confused about getting into a relationship with me. He seemed to be coming around a couple weeks ago and then just suddenly stopped calling and responding to my emails. We used to hang out every weekend and he has always been very responsive to me. He was divorced just 2 years ago, not by his choice...his wife left him. He has not been in a relationship since.
Do you think it is more that he is not ready or has he just finally come to the conclusion that he is not into me?

I am in my 30's and never married, he is in his 40's and it was his first marriage...if that is relevant

Answer 1

Unfortunately what most people don't get is you have to get to really know someone to make a relationship great and WORTH WHILE. Both people need to spend the time to really get to know each other.

The small flirty interactions you are having issues with are a tiny tip of a large iceberg (to use a crappy cliche). Also if the guy is young major hormones (not true emotions) are in play.

You must want to do the work upfront - and take the time to really know someone. If not you might as well just go jump in the sack and let the immature emotionally tortuous roller coaster ride begin.

Here's my advice - concentrate on school. This is the time in your life you need to focus on what you want out of (your entire) life. All the B.S. nammby pammby bf/gf crap won’t mean squat when it comes time to graduate and go on with the remaining 70-80 years of you life. Concentrate on being the best person you can be and great, meaningful relationships will come to you!

Answer 2

I went through the same thing after my divorce and was the same way.

I really liked this guy while I was married, and when I was finally divorced I thought this openned the doors for me. I was so surprised to find that even someone I liked, I just couldnt let the walls down.

It is not that he is not into you, it is his inability to committ. You now have to decide if you want to get married or do you want to be with him. It is not going to be both.

If you play a game and leave him to kinda snap him out of it, you will only remind him of his wife as you stated she left him.

You have to take him as he is.

Answer 3

He's def into u otherwise he wouldn't spend that much time with u. If he's never gunna commit, u should stop wasting ur time tho. Maybe u should talk to him about it so he stops avoiding it and u will know exactly where he stands with the whole relationship thing.

Answer 4

I think he likes you, but you have to realize though he may still have feelings for his wife, especially since she ended it. Hun i think he's using you as a bit of a distraction to getting over his ex-wife.

I think you should just ask him flat out. Say "look, do you want to be in a relationship or not, cos i really like you but you giving me mixed signals and i don't want to be wasting my time" or something like that.

Answer 5

dont expect him to commit to u, maybe he is just enjoying his single life and ahving fun, i dont think he is ready to get in a relationship with u

Answer 6

i think you should break up.
i believe that its him.
maybe he's going through a tough time.
try talking to him first.

Answer 7

maybe he's worried that your going to leave , try to reassure him that you won't do that and that your genuinly into him

Answer 8

hes prob. not ready