I am dating a Christian man who has been separated from his wife for 10 years. His wife lives in Europe, and he hasn't seen her for years. After we started dating, he made the decision to finally get a divorce. They were married for only 5 years and have no kids together.
I am a Christian, and my parents are very religious. My dad told me that I am an adulteress because I am dating a married man. It doesn't matter to him that my boyfriend is almost divorced to a woman who lives in a foreign country and he hasn't seen in almost a decade. I'm not even having sex with him because I won't do that until I am married.
Is my dad over reacting or is he right? Am I really committing adultery?
2007-12-22 06:21:38 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Almost divorced= still married.
2007-12-22 06:24:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 2⤋
Wow. I was in almost the exact same situation with the man who was now my husband. He'd been separated from his wife for several years, and he filed for divorce and we started dating. My family was the same way, about how it was wrong, but my mom even said that it's wrong to date/marry a divorced man because the Bible says so. And if you read the Bible, specifically Matthew 19:9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery." Somewhere it goes on to say that a woman with a divorced man becomes an adulteress.
So, that is quite a dilemma. I was in the same situation...I believe that God is forgiving, and my outlook on the situation was this, his WIFE is the one that is leaving and there is nothing he can do to stay with her. It's not his fault. Should he suffer alone for the rest of his life because his wife wanted to leave him? I don't believe that is what God wants.
I am so PROUD of you for not having sex with him until you're married, so honestly, even if a person chose to literally agree with the Bible, then you still haven't committed adultery in my book because you haven't had sex. Is it a crime to hold hands and exchange kisses?
I will add my little bit of warning...I know how hard it is to wait to be with someone you want to be with, but if at all possible, I think it is probably WISER to wait until the divorce is final to date. I didn't do it, but sometimes I wish I would have. Then again, maybe it doesn't really make a difference. There are always going to be people who don't approve of the situation, and you just have to decide what YOU believe and not worry about everybody else. It will be between you and God.
Good luck!!
2007-12-22 06:31:26 · answer #2 · answered by Pooky 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like your parents' beliefs about religion and morality are more strict than yours. That difference can be a hard thing to deal with.
Your father seems to be saying that you are violating the letter of the law. And from his point of view, he is right.
You seem to be saying that your boyfirend's marriage has been dead in spirit for 10 years, and can be treated as though it is not a real marriage. I assume (and hope) that you have taken a good hard look at that, and are comfortable that it is true. And that your boyfirend is being very honest with you. And that both of you are thinking clearly about this. If so, then from your point of view, you are right.
But there are a lot of potential pitfalls here. You already have some trouble between you and your parents. You know that. If your boyfriend is not being completely honest with you, or you are not thinking clearly, then things could be worse. You could learn down the road that the state of your boyfriend's marriage is not exactly what you thought it was. And that your relationship with him has implications that you didn't realize. And you might not be so okay with that. If I were you, I would want to make sure that I understood why he stayed married to her for 10 years after the time when he says that marriage was over. And why he didn't decide to divorce her until after you started dating.
2007-12-22 06:51:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A person is married until they are not. It's no different from being pregnant. You are either pregnant or you are not. In fact you are committing adultery if you consummate the relationship or to even fantasize about the other person but I don't see a problem with being friends as long as you can contain your desires.
If you want to know what the Bible says: Matthew 5:28, “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart”. and Mark 7:21-23, “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man”
2007-12-22 06:30:42 · answer #4 · answered by smyler 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dating him would be considered adultery if doing so was taking away from the sanctity of his marriage, even while being separated and getting a divorce. If he is getting a divorce without protest from his wife, then you would not be taking anything away from his marriage by simply dating him, so no adultery would exist. If, however, she is not wanting to divorce him, if he is filling for divorce under protest from her, then you would be committing adultery because you are taking any chance of reconcile away from the marriage he has, and taking her husband away from her while he is still her husband.
And that one poster has a good point concerning how you are viewing this from your statements of how long he has been married. He can't have been married to his wife for 5 years time if he's been separated from her for 10 years time. Until he is divorced then he is still married to her. So he has thus far been married to her for 15 years, of which 10 of those he has been separated from her.
2007-12-22 06:30:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
How could they be married only 5 years? You just said they've been separated for 10 years... so they've been married some time. My concern is why hasn't this guy divorced his wife these past 10 years? What does that mean? Is he still holding on to something with her? Very odd if you ask me. If they truly are separated, then I don't think you're an adulteress. However, you should really question his motives if he didn't divorce her 10 years ago.....
2007-12-22 06:26:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Only you know. If you feel that what you are doing is wrong, then you need to step back and re-examine the relationship. If you do not feel conviction about it, if your concience isn't killing you, then you know that there wasn't a real marriage there to begin with, and that you had no hand in breaking it up. Sounds to be like it was really over long before you came into the picture. Is it the spiritual marriage or the peice of paper that is important to you? If the legal marriage is so important, will divorce be enough, or will it have to be annulled to make your dad happy? What about making you happy? These are questions only you can answer. Good luck to you, your boyfriend, and your parents. It could be a rough road.
Blessings!
2007-12-22 06:29:51 · answer #7 · answered by Katie Short, Atheati Princess 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ummm he has been seprated from his wife for 10 years now!! They are flat out not togeather it's only the state that is binding them togeather.
Yes, in the eyes of the church you are sinning because they don't belive in divorce, but in reality, NO you are not an adulteress! Don't listen to what others say, and be happy togeather and your father should be happy for you that you found a nice Christian man.
2007-12-22 06:27:07 · answer #8 · answered by Sapphire 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
from a christian standpoint you are comitting adultery. didn't Jesus preach that even if you marry a divorced partner you are still comitting adultery ?? wasn't that in the Sermon on the Mount ?? so dating a still-married man can not be but adultery in the NT teachings.
from a conscientious standpoint, i don't think you are. he's been seperated for 10 years and hasn't seen his wife for all that time ( i find that strange. why didn't he get a divorce 4,5,6,7 years ago ???)..be it as it may, i still think you are not...
2007-12-22 06:43:06 · answer #9 · answered by cramsib 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're either married or you're not married. He's either divorced or he's still married. You can't be "almost divorced." Their marriage may be emotionally and physically over, but they are still legally tied together. If they were married in the Church, they may still be considered spiritually tied, but if he's willing to pay a couple grand, he can get an annulment since there were no children to bless the marriage.
Anyway, yes, since he's technically still married, he's committing adultery with you if you're sleeping together.
2007-12-22 06:36:13 · answer #10 · answered by ♛Qu€€n♛J€§§¡¢a♛™ 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes because he is still married. Almost doesn't count!
Depending on your definition of adultery, dating a man who is divorced may also be adultery unless he divorced his wife because she was fornicating.
"Adultery" is a tricky word and you always need to get the other persons definition to make sure that you are talking about the same thing.
.
2007-12-22 06:26:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 1⤋