I fight constantly with my mother?

Question

...and I am a 33-year-old male. Sometimes its petty, sometimes its serious, but a lot of it is based on years of built up resentment. She in 52 and still acts like a child. we argue sometimes, literally for hours.
But my question isnt about what to do in these fights. I mentioned to my gf that I wont have any peace until she's dead (explaining I mean natural causes!). I mean, I am pretty close to her when we dont fight, and I dont wish anything bad to happen to her, but the more I think about it,. the more true it is. I will have no peace until my mom is in the cemetery. My gf looked at me like I said something evil. What do you think?

okay to the person that thinks a 33-year-old lives with their mother, I dont, but un fortunately shes only half a block away.
To the person writing 3 screens about being rational with my mother, its not possible, okay? Im not the only one she fights with like this. She has a poor me, Im a victim attitude, and before I was around, it was her father that she fought with.

As for moving away...this is my hometown, my daughters live her with my ex, im established, im not going anywhere.
As for the counseling answers, yeah, we went when i was a teenager, and she quit going because the therapist said she needed to make changes, and she was mad she didnt side with her.

Answer 1

Be at least polite to your mother and stop arguing. Your girlfriend has reason to be alarmed by your statements about your mother.

Answer 2

your dad obviously lets her get away with it, so she is used to it and its going to be very hard changing things if you and your dad just look the other way. She sounds like a spoiled child. Why are you working 2 full time jobs and going to school? That would make just about anyone struggle in class, on top of that you do all the chores around the house. School should be your priority, focus on that. Consider sharing a place with a friend you get along with, it'll give you more space, you'll both split expenses and you can focus more on your school. Your dad may not be adult enough to confront her and assert himself but there is no reason why you should have to put up with that. Going through a divorce isnt fun but its much better than being stuck in a bad marriage.

Answer 3

Well I don't think that's the nicest thing to say about your own mother who raised you.

But everybody has a different relationship with their mothers, there's always going to be a fight about something or another, that's life.

But maybe your fighting way to much with her, you need to take a deep breath when your fighting. And, realize she's 52 years old, she's not going to go away...You may think she's old, but it's really not. She could live untill 100...You don't know. But what your doing, is not helping her live...It's just giving you and her more stress.

So the best of luck to you, and I hope you can get along with her. After all, she is your mother.

Answer 4

I can see where you are coming from, me and my mom fight/argue all the time so i just move out to a different county.. i don't think you said anything evil in any way you could of worded it differently.. Your gf needs to acknowledge that you and your mother just don't get along some of the times... I am really close to my mother we are like best friends now that I move out she calls me every day when she isn't doin drugs but that is a totally different sub..

Answer 5

If you say ?

" but a lot of it is based on years of built up resentment"

Why not get down to the real issues here?

you also said she acts like a child. It what ways? Has it ever occured to you that your mother is going through Menopause? Is she depressed? Is she up and down? If so, that's menopause...

Have you ever heard of the word? If yes or no, maybe you should do a little research on this subject.

Was she a good mother to you? Did she let you go without anything? You need to think about these questions long and hard before you say you won't be at peace untill she's in the grave. I must tell you, when she's laid to rest, you may not be.
You will still be alive and haunted with all that resentment you just want to go away without talking about it don't you?

I think you did say something evil also. I'll bet she has no idea you have all this resentment towards her. If you say well, she really doesn't, then are these really "fair" fights?

You may just lash out at her for no reason because of your buried resentment starting to come out and leave her clueless as to why "you" are acting the way you are. If you have buried resentment, what you are actually doing is trying associate once she's in the grave and buried, all your resentments will be gone to. This is so far from the truth.

I'm sorry, I just don't get the younger generation today. If your mother was relatively a good mother in the sense where she raised you well, kept a roof over your head and never turned her back on you, why would you be so quick to turn yours now? Why don't you try and sit down and rationally try and talk to your mother? She has feelings too.
And if she's going through the change of life? It is harder on her than you can ever imagine. Her bones become more brittle, her health starts to suffer more, a lot of changes are going on inside her body. And I'll bet she was right there for you when your hormones were raging wasn't she? Well she's losing hers.

Why would you want to argue for HOURS? Remember although you are "considered" an Adult, she is still your parent, your mother, no matter how childish you think she acts. You may not like it, but do you think she likes everything about you? She's losing her youth and feeling it, she may be trying to hold on if even for the moment. Mothers usually don't discuss this topic to their kids in detail especially a son who would seem so non understanding and closed minded.

Sit down and "Talk" to her like you would give that time to one of your friends. Don't you at least owe her that much?

Did she turn her back and ever walk out on you at certain times she didn't agree with your behavior or choices? Or was she there to encourage you and support you?

I just don't understand why the younger generation want to turn their backs on their parents mom or dad for what? Just arguing? What are you arguing about for HOURS?

Oh, and the reason your girlfriend is looking at you like you have 2 heads, is because if you feel this way about your own mother??? That is a definate reflection on how you could view HER down the road and she knows it's just down right disrespectful.

Talk to your mother. You only have one. Cool your temper and don't argue, nothing gets resolved by arguing, that's only when 2 people don't agree. And do you have all the facts in all of these arguments or are you basing it soley on your 33 years of experience in life verses her 52 years???

Think long and hard young man before you bury your own mother. You don't want anymore regrets do you?

you also said

"But my question isnt about what to do in these fights"

that kind of bothers me. It makes it sound very one sided, like you are an expert already.

Anyway, I just don't want you to have any regrets, as you already are aware....dead is FINAL. It does not always bring peace. But, if it's "THAT" bad, then turn your back and walk away from her now. Just don't talk to her, see her, go ahead and bury her forever, so when that time really does come?
you will have already had years of peace for yourself.

If you are convienced that is makes perfectly good sense the more you thought about it, then turn your back now and forever so you can live your life to it's fullest.

Good luck but I hope you choose the talking to her route.

Answer 6

The best thing you can do is move to another city or state and not have any contact with your mother at all.

This is not an unusual suggestion, I know many people who have not seen or visited their mothers in years. And I know many mothers who do not enjoy visiting with their children.

Grown kids need to be on their own with very little contact with their parents (unless you are one of those unusually close families that is only seen in the movies).

If you are still sticking around your mother, it sounds like you are a "mama's boy" and can't let go of the apron strings.

The second best thing you can do is talk to a therapist and find out what is going on in your life.

Answer 7

You didn't say anything evil. But you can make things easier on yourself by learning how to deal with it by going to therapy. She has her own issues..she may even have a personality disorder. You have to go to therapy to learn new behaviors for yourself and learn to set boundaries. Going to therapy will be the best thing you could ever do for yourself.

Answer 8

If you are still living with your mother... get your own place and MOVE OUT! You won't have to put up with your mother at all after that!

Answer 9

my husband is in similar situation hes 35 and his mom is cry baby selfish pouts alot etc. when she acts like that we ignore her or we leave just like a child if they have know one to do it in front of they stop and just keep waling away even if you have to say i hate when you act like this or i hate when we fight I'm just gonna go till you can calm down the next time you see her dint bring it up just see how she acts if acts up again just keep calm leave and come back she will get the hint it wont bother you and it will stop good luck

Answer 10

WALK OUT, silly.

Don't do that to YOURSELF OR YOUR MOM.

I PROMISE--me and mine did the same thing, BUT I asked her for forgiveness EVERY TIME we fought.
It builds your character to ask---even if you are NOT THE ONE who started the fight.

Don't let satan have his way with your thinking--
tell him to shut up--he is a LIAR!!!
TELL your Mom you don't want to fight.

If you can't T-A-L-K--then walk out-----------