Boyfriend having second thoughts....?

Question

I have 2 kids my boyfriend and I have lived together for a year now and we have talked seriously about getting married and buying a house and having a child together so much we thought of names, I know he really wants a child of his own and to be a father that is why it shocked me so much when he said this " If we stay together I don't want to have children with you, because it will take all the fun out of it because you have already had 2 and I’ll be discovering new things that you already know.. And it just wouldn't be any fun" but he not 100 % sure that’s just how part of him feels he says he still loves us and wouldn't just leave and I told him if we are not what he wants than he needs to leave right now he said he is not sure and he doesn’t want to leave... So should I make him and save the heart ache for myself and my kids cuz Its going to be really hard now but I know it will be worse later on if he decides to leave or should I let him stay and decide later what he really wanted

Answer 1

This is a tough one. for men, actually your boy friend is telling the truth of what he is thinking and feeling now. Is tough for him(better now then later), I hope you understand the pressure he is going through. I don't think that he is saying that your 2 kids are a burden. I think that he loves you too much and he is speaking his heart out to you, and thinking that maybe there is a way to salvage the problem. Let him speak out and try to show supports for him. Give him the confidence that you are with him on this and will work with him, to love him. On the other hand, for you, I can understand that you too are on pressured. You have 2 kids to support and hopefully to find a good father for the kids, of course also a good husband and partner for your self. I hope you must first try to dig deep into your heart and tell your self can this really work out between you and your boy friend, Do you really understand what you want in life and do you really understand your boy friend, is he the right person (now and for ever) that can be a good father to the kids and a understanding and caring husband to you, to care, love and cherish you (and the kids) in sickness and in good health? Maybe you need to ask your kids weather they really like your boy friend as a father. Good men are hard to find these days. Balance the good and bad and think about it. Then make a decision. Don't be hash because of anger. You might regret it later, then again you might be making the right choice.

Answer 2

Ah love, this is the last thing you want at this time of year.
whatever you do don`t push him into doing something he`s not sure of, the problem will only come back later.
It could just be nerves, the thought of settling down. He has said that he doesn`t want to leave, so there is still feeling there for you all.
Please don`t make him leave, It`s not what you or he really wants, and it`ll make you feel gutted, just bide your time, a year together is nothing.
If i were you.... I`d not get married till you`d been together at least 2 years, heck ..... I was with my husband 15 years before we got married.
Don`t do anything that you will regret, and i think if you make him go, you will regret it.
Good Luck love xxx

Answer 3

First of all, it was not wise of you at all to invite this man into your house to live with your children--what message does that send to them? And now that it isn't working out, how do you think they'll take that?

Second, any guy that "isn't sure" needs to be shown the door, That is a red flag. His explanation about another child is a flimsy one at best. Why push for a kid anyway, you have two already, that should be something on the back burner.

Seems like you two have not put your efforts where they belong; building a relationship slowly and carefully. I suggest you make better choices and not invite anyone else to live with you and your children, there are a lot of creeps out there that are child molesters looking for single mothers to move in with. Be wise and look at how you live your life, your kids are watching. Teach them morals, values and self-respect. But you have to have those yourself first.

Answer 4

Having kids made you mature quicker,faster than your "boy" friend and he wants the best of both worlds. In your world- you need a man that has to be by your side regardless. It is a team effort to raise children (they are your precious)
You mention percentage, he is not 100% sure, well If he stays or leaves, you are 100% Mom. You gotta think finance- welfare to your kids, theres plenty of guys that build up their wealth/home without a queen. looking for ready set family, mature of course- maybe much older than you want but thats the cruel thing of it all, men take longer to mature and know what they want and you need to match up at different circumstances. You raise your kids, As best you can, Rely on God, Pray and He will Bless you with your Prince when you least expect.

Answer 5

If he is bing this selfish than he needs to leave now. When he decides to grow up and start acting like a man then I would allow him back into my life. I know that it will be hard on both you and your kids but things will get better exspecialy if he truly loves you and your kids. Keep the lines of communication open with him but if he feels he needs to leave let him.

Sorry and Good lUck

Happy

Answer 6

Sweetie,
its gonna be hard either way if he decides to leave now or later...... but i would have him make his choice now, then you and your children won't have to deal with it later....
to me that just sounds like a big, 'ole heart-ache for you and your children that don't need it......it seems that he is making your life a whole lot more difficult by not knowing 100% if he wants to stay with you.......

Answer 7

Maybe you ought to ask him if he thinks you had any less fun with your second child than you did with your first. It's true you have already experienced having children, but your experience shouldn't in any way detract from his joy. It will probably enhance it because when you confront a problematic issue, you may already have the solution. You might want to talk to him about all this before you kick him out.

Answer 8

There are no rights without responsibilities and vica.versa. He wants fun only and not the responsibilities. He loves kids and wants one of his own.But doesnot wants toshare the responsibilities. It is clear from the statements made. U decide yr self, if u can take care of 3 without him. If yes,ok go ahead.

Answer 9

He makes a good point - it will be new for him and the 3rd time for you. Everyone says the first child is different.
You all just need to work this out.

Answer 10

tell him that he needs to decide and if he decides to leave then there is always more fish in the sea. if he stays then great. if he comes back then maybe it was meant to be, corny but true. just tell himflat out that he needs to decide because its gonna be harder later, but if you had 2 kids you can get through anything. good luck!