Whenever his Mom introduces me to a family member or friend she says in English, "This is Lynn, Rob's girlfriend," then she continues on in her native language. I hear my name several more times, but have no idea what is being said about me. Boyfriend doesn't speak the langauge, so he doesn't know either.
Also, I was watching TV with Mom, boyfriend and Mom's friend once and even though both of them speak perfect English, they kept talking in the other language back and forth. It's her house, but I thought it was kind of rude.
What do you think?
2007-12-22 02:39:09 · 16 answers · asked by Original_Syn 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
yes my mom does that and i understand the language. usually it's a mean comment . after the mom does that u should say huh and see wat she says.
good luck!!!!
2007-12-22 04:19:35 · answer #1 · answered by flipper_maurin 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
There's no way of telling if she's talking about you or not (in a bad way, I mean) except through body language.
Anyways, I think that the reason she speaks in her native language is because she's more used to it. I know that I end up speaking to my mom in Korean even with people over because it's easier for her to understand me and it's just one of those things that stick with you no matter what. I don't think she's trying to do that intentionally to be rude or anything. It'll be like you moving to Greece and being able to speak Greek perfectly well but still feel more comfortable speaking in English with your friends.
2007-12-22 02:44:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The goal of every rule of etiquette is to make feel people comfortable and welcome. Speaking in a language that is foreign to *anyone* in attendance is rude and against the rules of etiquette. If an interpreter is needed, then the interpreter translates everything --- both sides of the conversation.
Speaking in a foreign language in front of others is the equivalent of whispering to each other and is nothing but rude.
2007-12-22 07:04:04 · answer #3 · answered by susanmaried 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like they are being rude. You may want to talk to your BF about this, and tell him that its bugging you. Maybe he can speak with his mom.
I'm going through the same thing too but it's the other way around. My parents constantly speak another language other than English even though they can communicate in English.
I asked my parents b/c it was bugging my bf, my mom ended up saying that it was because she felt embarrassed speaking in broken english to him. They're set in their ways (they're in their 60s and 70s) and reluctant to change BUT I have been working with them and they've increase their english around him. It'll take work!
Good luck!
2007-12-22 17:39:02 · answer #4 · answered by Emi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's as rude as it can be. If your boyfriend hasn't asked her not to do this then he is also rude. It won't get any nicer if you marry him either.
You could learn the language but tell no one, then you'd know what they are saying.
What an ace in the hole you'd have to play when you felt the need.
2007-12-22 02:45:20 · answer #5 · answered by pinky 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No it's not rude at all.
This happened to me when I was dating my wife...I knew they were talking about me as I could occasionally here my name mentioned in Spanish. Didn't bother me a bit as I understood that that was her native language as well as the people she was speaking to...it would have been rude for her to only speak English to people whe knew couldn't understand her...this is a communication issue here...if she is speaking to you in a language she knows you can't understand then that is a different thing. You are either paranoid or completely self-centered to the point that you think everyone should be talking about you. It all has to do with you...not her.
2007-12-22 03:19:22 · answer #6 · answered by purcupile 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
It IS rude to carry on even a small conversation in a language all present do not understand and your boyfriend's mother should be told this makes you not only uncomfortable but embarrassed and offended because it's disrespectful to you (and him, if he really doesn't understand).
2007-12-22 02:47:28 · answer #7 · answered by Tseruyah 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For other people who only speak english, it might seem rude. However, understand that just because other people can speak English doesn't mean they are very comfortable speaking with each other that way. This should not be taken as rude
For instance, me and my husband are comfortable talking in our native language. When we talk to our kids, we talk in English (since that's what we taught them from birth).However when we are in the car with our kids and are just talking w/ each other, we talk in our native language. It feels weird talking to each other in English.
EDITED:
When we talk to friends that purely speak English, we try to accomodate them by speaking in English. However,we tend to fall back to our native language when we talk to each other where we are more comfortable talking and telling jokes. I think this is your boyfriend's Mom' situation.
In Italy and other countries where many people don't try to learn English but expects you to learn their language, Italians talk to Italians while English speakers talk to English speakers. When Italians and English speaking people talk, it's quite quick and to the point. Then they settle talking to those who speak their language better. It's not considered rude, just normal. Why should people who have learned to speak english be considered rude when they settle to the language they are most comfortable in?
When you are all talking together and the Mom starts talking in her language, you could politely ask her to translate what she means. Of course it's not practical to have her translate everything so just try to tune her out or politely excuse yourself from the conversation and don't take it personally.
Hope this helps.
2007-12-22 03:29:58 · answer #8 · answered by Stubborn Cat 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's not rude if it's in her house. She's expected to say whatever she wants.
Does she like you? If she's never been ugly or rude to you; if her body language says she likes you, then I wouldn't worry about it. My mom does it all the time to my sister-in-law and most of the time she's saying how beautiful and thin she is and my brother picked a good one. My sister-in-law was worried at first too, but now (after 10 years) she shrugs it off.
Unless you know she doesn't like you, don't worry.
2007-12-22 03:22:24 · answer #9 · answered by Hannahlore 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Did you ask your boyfriend if she does that to him too. She may feel more comfortable using her native language whenever she has a chance to.
2007-12-22 02:44:11 · answer #10 · answered by Miss TJ 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should learn a few key phrases and find out what she is talking about. If it is hurtful, you'll know what she is up to but if she is saying kind things about you, you will give her even more to talk about if you make an effort to communicate with her.
2007-12-22 02:52:15 · answer #11 · answered by dngrSdmn 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋