How can i change the way i act ?

Question

I feel like im wrecking my life a bit. For a long time two things have affected my life... first of all looked really young and never felt like i fit in with people my age so i never formed any friendships or talked to people growing up... I also lived in a environment when i was growing up where my parents yelled and fought on a daily basis. The combination of these has caused me to be a non social type person that continuous to stick to my self instead of be involved in anything. I tend to be very self concious an depressed alot from not allowing my self to have fun. I would like to be different but I tend to never create the change that i want. I want to be more friendly and outgoing but i guess my social skills are not very good and it feels so hard to change my behaviors. any advice that could help me ? Thanks !

Answer 1

I have several, having gone through many similar life changes.

First, wear a bracelet or tie or write a dot on your hand...something visual...let it be your reminder all day long to be and talk positive. Sound silly? It's not. If you see someone doing something that irks you, think positively about them, their life, their affect on you.

Also, start small.

First...sit quietly or lie in bed and IMAGINE how you would like to see yourself. Imagine walking into a store or your job and being positive, friendly, a 'go to' kind of guy, funny, whatever.

Next, on the small scale, do it. Go to a store and walk up to the counter, make small chat with the person working there. Don't go to McDonalds for this if you can help it. Go to a store where people are being paid to make time for YOU the customer.

Chat, smile, focus on this...being comforable as a person..a friend.

See how the envisioning yourself and that practice really go together? Trust me, this really will help in great ways.

Next, consider church. Churches are filled with people who are: looking for something more in life, open and ready to embrace you physically or just emotionally. They will want to shake your hand, hear about your, your needs. This may sound uncomfortable to you today, but take it in small steps. God really does bring people together in church.

You don't have to join a club or have a party to achieve what you want. In fact, my steps will help you a lot more and more long term than those ideas. You need to see yourself as the person you want to be, then work on it...like you do a job or a project or a hobby...or any real interest. Work on it every day. Little bits and pieces and eventually you grow and grow. I promise this will help. Promise.

Lastly, and please don't look at this as the whole ansewr...just a side note at the end. Life is crummy this time of year. It's hard!!! More people feel the way you do...bad...than any other time of year. Valentines is a close second :) It's just rough. So pray. Hang in there. It does get better.

You have said you want to change, now work on it. It can't happen in a moment, like magic. Because magic is fake, it's not real. You have spent a lifetime becoming the person you are now. It won't take that long to change, you will feel better and better every day.

Oh, another tip...watch someone who's behavior you wish you had. Emulate it. Like...say...Chandler on Friends or whatever! Folks won't know you are doing it.

I had a best friend in CA and I still call up images of her, how she handled herself in tough situations.

God bless you and this is great! A new you for New Years!

Answer 2

White,
1st thing to consider is how old are you? Your problems sound like very common problems for someone between 16 and 25 and if you're in that age group you shouldn't feel alone it's a period in your life where you are growing and developing and learning who you are. Everything changes in that time frame and you are expected to blossum into a new person. You are just starting to see the beauty of the diverse population around you...especially once you leave the high school mentality/scene (believe me, it gets way way better).

If you are more mature than that and you are still not comfortable with who you are then it would be a good idea to seek professional help. See if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program which can act as a leaping board to determine if you need full counseling or just pep talks.

Good luck and don't forget you're not alone!

Answer 3

Gosh - scary question - sounded like it was me writing it. Everything you said exactly mirrors my situation, but I imagine you are younger than me - I'm now 43 and have no life and no friends and no happiness and basically spend all my time in hiding because I can't cope with people most of the time. The depression comes in cycles and can take me down for a couple of years at a time - unles I choose to fight it. My life is pretty much over - please don't allow yours to go the same way.
Make sure you get a reliable and sympathetic doctor that you can build up a relationship with - and stick with them and tell them the truth. Stay on anti depressants for the rest of your life if that's what it takes (Iv'e just started on them again and am beginning to feel better. I'm not going to stop taking them this time) You must force yourself to make and keep friends. I know that sounds impossible, but please try. I am going to e-mail all the people I have abandoned, this Christmas. I have nothing cheerful to say so I will just make something up! Hopefully soon I will be able to see them face to face and actually hold a real conversation.
Please don't give up - you are not alone. Isn't it crap being a crap person? But this is the lot we have been dealt and it's up to us. Good Luck.

Answer 4

There is not any Random Act of Kindness a good way to make you a larger character. Be type always, that's the way you be a larger character. A random act of kindness could be to smack the character who began the thought that if you're type as soon as in a at the same time in a few grand approach and speak to it random, it makes up for the entire different instances you have been nasty.

Answer 5

This sounds so trite I know but the largest part of wanting to change is acknowledging the problem you have. I don't know how old you are but the best place to start is school/work. Sometimes you just have to 'do it'. If you see someone there you can just randomly walk past them and say something like 'I like your ____, ive never seen one quite like that before" and keep walking that way you are saying something but feel no pressure of sticking around for a conversation until you are ready...just drop comments. Find out what everyone else is doing...when I was younger I was always at concerts and shows...the movies.

Answer 6

I do understand your situation very well. The best thing you can do is force yourself to make 1-2 friends, either on line or in your area. You need to force yourself to do something. Volunteer at the humane society or a soup kitchen. Do something to help others and it will get your mind off your own problems. Also, start working out even if you hate exercise. It does something wonderful for your brain!!! It is a great natural high that makes you feel so much better about yourself. Also, pray for help and God will hear you. God Bless You.

Answer 7

omg, exacatlly same as me. Play City of Heroes and you'll meet millions of friends. some might even be close to where you live. Play any MMO games really. It's another tool like a phone. 15$ a month and you could talk to 30+ people at same time in anywhere in the world.

NJ to Japan=$2.5 a minute for 6 hours= 15$.
play a mmo for 15$ and save 2.5*6=15 or
$15 and play CoH for a month
(saving 15*30+=$450+)<---WOW

Answer 8

Hi. Do some volunteer work at places where people are in need of help.This type of people are not to concerned about how you act because they will appreciate your help.By communicating with them,this will help you and you are making a difference in someone Else's life.Example:nursing home,homeless shelters, soup kitchens where they feed the homeless.hospitals.You get the message

Answer 9

You Should try talking to people little by little , because just going from talking to nobody to being a social guy doesn't happen like that you have to take baby steps.First try talking to someone in your class and see how that goes.

Answer 10

it sounds like you should seek counseling from a psychiatrist


they are the professionals who can probably recommend a social group to attend

good luck and cheer up because there is help out there