Only in dreams we can be together
Reality separates us, keeps us locked in each our prison
I can dream and love and call for you, be with you forever
Even though space keeps us apart every hot or cold season
I can keep up with two realities, and be with you
Write my poems for you, my mind wandering elsewhere
My feelings were never so powerful and true
My heart, all warm, calls for you, come here
Know I live with you in my heart and in my mind
Never doubt this, never think I’ll forget you
I’ll keep forever your words close to my heart, words so warm and kind
This darkness of uncertainty only the light of our warmth can pierce through
2007-12-21 21:33:10 · 10 answers · asked by Analyst 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
**smiles**
I thought your words were perfect, cuz I think I understand them better than anyone else who's responded.
(is it inappropriate for me to say that I want to devour you?)
"Only the light of our warmth can pierce through" is perfectly brilliant. how is it your words slice through me and make my heart pound, but no one else?
"Only in dreams can we be together": may I share a dream with you, or would you rather our dreams were our own? if we're each locked in our own prison.... is it better to live tormented and separated in thought and dream, or to live in prisons where each torment is shared?
oh how I adore you....
2007-12-22 03:03:48 · answer #1 · answered by Kurt H™ FC Steaua Bucureşti 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The poem is heartfelt. From an editor's perspective, "can we be together" would be the better word order. Your rhymes are okay, but the uneven beats on each line keeps the poem unbalanced. Also, the lines don't flow as naturally as they should because you wanted to force the rhyming word to the end. Yes, finding words that rhyme naturally is not an easy task, which is why many poets write in free verse. If you're good at it, it will almost seem as if the rhyming word is the only word that fits and you'll hardly notice the fact that it rhymed...so I'm not saying avoid rhymed poetry, I'm just saying that it's difficult to do well.
I think you have a good start, a good heart and a desire to write...so keep writing.
2007-12-22 02:10:06 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not always must rhyme however it demands to hit my feelings. I consider readability of expression is fundamental as good. I do not love to moment wager what I'm studying approximately. I constantly seem for what I time period "poetic gem stones"within the textual content.
2016-09-05 11:05:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only in dreams CAN WE be together. (Is English your native language?) not being sarcastic, honestly, just curious.
Keeps us locked, each in our prisons (plural)
no matter what the season.
my feelings have never been so powerful and true.
.....uncertainty, pierced only by the light of our warmth.
I will delete this tomorrow..
2007-12-21 22:05:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I especially like the line
I can keep up with two realities.
Where and here
do not rhyme
The previous comments about.
we can, can we are wrong;
"hot or cold eason" seems
to merely force a rhyme.
your line is fine the way it is.
2007-12-21 23:32:02 · answer #5 · answered by oldbob 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
excellent job! Keep it up!
but dear if you see the reality as it is, without any perception,,judgment or opinion it is far more beautiful than any of your dreams.
2007-12-21 22:58:29 · answer #6 · answered by vikas singh 2103 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hello,
i like this poem . the words seem to be flowing straight from the heart. i especially liked the last line - "this darkness...............through "
excellent
!!!merry xmas!!!
2007-12-22 02:56:06 · answer #7 · answered by nix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's kinda sweet but sad in some ways.. it's nice :-)
keep it up!
2007-12-21 21:36:59 · answer #8 · answered by kahel na kuhol 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think its cool.
2007-12-21 21:36:42 · answer #9 · answered by xris 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
.
2007-12-21 21:36:53 · answer #10 · answered by usmcjgill 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋