my off and on ex of 5 years randomly tells me he's engaged to a non-american citizen that he's known for 8 months. it caught me off garud but i was happy for him. i encourged him to find the "right" girl. she apparently lives in a different state and they see eachother 3 times a week. later he told me they already had a secret wedding for citizen ship. i though we could stay friends...but he caught me off gaurd and came onto me and i couldn't fight him. i still love him. it happened twice and now i've cut off all contact. i need help understanding why. it seems like the truth is he's a creep, but i'm having trouble believing that. i've known and respected him so long i'm hoping there is a better explination. i feel like there must be some emotional void on his end and he's running to me for help. maybe he wasn't ready for all that commitment. i DO not wish to win him back. i'm NOT feeling used or hurt, i can handle myself, but i need help understanding him. does he REALLY love her?
2007-12-21 18:06:11 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
only answer if you intend to help. nasty judgmental comments will be reported.
2007-12-21 18:06:51 · update #1
I would say no. No he absolutely does not love her. I mean think about it. The first year of a new relationship where two people fall in love is usually all peaches and cream. They can't get enough of each other. As far as the two of you sleeping together, you were together 5 years. It's comfortable and makes sense to both of you...
But, no. No he is not in love with this woman and who knows what he's doing by marrying her. It may just be that he's afraid she's the last train out of the station. People marry for weird reasons. Cutting ties was a smart move. I don't think you want any part of this... it could go someplace dark.
2007-12-21 18:21:12 · answer #1 · answered by ☆ Spharoe 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest that you move on. I know it's easier said than done, but maybe it can be eased by looking back -- why were you "on again off again" ? Something was wrong with the relationship. Maybe it was no one's fault, but as a couple something must have not been working. There's nothing wrong with feeling strong emotions for someone, but there are definitely times where you should let your head overrule the heart. The fact that he's married but still messes around is a huge red flag. Good luck!
2007-12-21 18:11:49 · answer #2 · answered by Magpie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your question is does he really love her, I'd have to answer no. But then, he doesn't sound like he loves himself, and it's really hard to love someone when you don't love yourself. He's not making some smart moves, you don't marry someone so they can become a legal resident of the US. You certainly don't hook up with your ex girlfriend while married, no matter WHY you got married.
Sorry, but you hit the nail on the head, this guy's a creep, a jerk, an insensitive boor, whatever you want to call him. Be grateful you're not the one married to him. Smart girl for cutting off all contact with him. He's not good for you, or anyone else for that matter.
2007-12-21 18:14:01 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he doesnt love you or her. He took a vow, even if it was to get her citizenship , the vow is still real and what he did was wrong, and he is using u, and he doesnt love you or he would of married you instead of making u into a "mistress", men like this are selfish, and only "need or want" for people when its convient to him.. he's only married when its convient, he's only with u , when its convient.. he is a man of little respect , and integrity. And even if he doesnt love her, and even if he came running back to u.. id hope that knowing that this is a man that is obviously capable of cheating on someone that he's made a commitment to that you'd be smart enough not to be blinded by his charm, and know that it would only be a matter of time before he did the same to you.
2007-12-21 18:31:03 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he really loves anyone--You or this other lady. If he did he wouldn't put either of you in this situation. That being said, he did marry her, and I assume plans to make a life with her. He may just like the excitement of cheating.
My advise to you is love is a choice. You can choose to love this man (who doesn't seem very honest) or you can choose to look for a functional relationship. As long as you play around with this guy, you may be missing out finding someone who will really treat you great.
Good luck.
2007-12-21 19:44:25 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes - we fail at all times considering of our weaknesses and anyone constantly will get harm by means of our disasters. Parents that smoke love their children despite the fact that they shorten their possess lives and drive them to respire in moment hand smoke.
2016-09-05 10:57:06 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all why does it matter to you if he did love her because aren't you his ex? Maybe you want to be with him again but are fighting it because you are scared of him liking her too. I don't know you but I get the feeling that he is just friends with her and helped her get citizenship. And I think you are the real one he is trying to get back into his life and you are shutting him out because of a fear. Don't let another woman defeat what you had earlier. He sounds like a decent guy to me. I would not shut him out. Even if he does like this other girl why does it matter if you are just remaining friends with him? Pay attention to what you and him have and stop focusing on other things that don't apply to you.
2007-12-21 18:22:05 · answer #7 · answered by charity k 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Yes he is in love, just not with her - or you - but with himself. If he truly loved her he wouldn't have cheated. Think as to why he's your ex. Was it to do with the fact he would put himself first? His wants? His needs? Did he cheat on you too? If so, the signs were there.
2007-12-21 18:12:34 · answer #8 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
are you really that naive and gullible? if so, you need to go it alone for a bit, gain some experience and live happily ever after without him.
seriously, what it sounds like is that he's been married this whole time, probably has kids somewhere, and you fell for all that bait this whole time.
2007-12-21 18:15:07 · answer #9 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
maybe he is just a friend who helped a friend to not get deported..... ive known people who have done that, so i know it happens. its possible he doesnt love her in a romantic or sexual way.
2007-12-21 18:10:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋