my hubby and i were fighting since i just told him i thought we need to see a marriage counselor and things needed to change. he then threw a fit saying our relationship is perfect and we needed no help. we stopped fighting after that til he went through the drive thru of my best friends work who happens to be male. my hubby then proceeded to start saying how he planned to start stuff and get my friend fired and also mess up his car. my male friend and i have a very tight bond and we don't like to admit but, their might be feelings between us but, we don't act on them. my friend sees us and after staring at me with an open mouth for a few minutes refuses to look at me i refused to look at him and looked at the floor of the car with my hand over my face. my hubby then yells at me saying i was wrong for not waving at my friend and yelling hi to him. he keeps saying he is going to cause probs for my friend until we leave. he then busts out laughing saying it was all to make me
2007-12-21 17:30:52 · 32 answers · asked by S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sweat. after we got home he starts hanging on me asking why i was upset and tells me that all he asks from the love of his life is that she be faithful and she can be friends with whomever she wants. i am very upset about this do i have a right to be? and what the hell was he doing?
2007-12-21 17:32:31 · update #1
He is a very abusive man! Please... please leave him and get out of that relations before he moves on to the next level of abuse if he hasn't already. He is controlling you by his actions and then plays it off as if he was only joking stating he did it only to get a rise out of you. Men like this need their @*$$$ nailed to a tree and the tree lit on fire! He is purposely humiliating you and your best friend at the same time. Your friend turned away due too the disappointment that you did not stick up for him and tell your hubby he was wrong and to shut up. You must break the ties of this abusive relationship before he humiliates you to the point you feel stuck or breaks your pride altogether. If you don't believe he is what I explained seek the advice of a counselor for abusive behavior or domestic violence. It is common for abused women to seek advice secretly and find out that they are being wronged, abused, even thou they may have not been physically hit! The humiliation and degrading control issues causes the same injury within as being beaten with a fist. There are support groups (Survivors of domestic violence) in just about every city in the US, they are free and the hardest step is getting yourself to walk into that first visit. Ask your questions and don't feel you are alone. You will be surprised too know there are many, many of women just like yourself, I know I was one. Your best friend may be the one to help you understand what you are allowing to control you life.
2007-12-21 18:06:20 · answer #1 · answered by sazzi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You guys seem to be having some real communication issues. If you think there are things wrong in the marriage and he thinks that everything is perfect, someone is not sharing their feelings. If you are having feelings for your best male friend, then that is not condusive to a good marriage. If your husband doesn't see any problems and your just brought this up, chances are he knows that you and this guy are too close. He may not have acted in the most adult mature way, but it may be that he really didn't know how to confront the situation. (I wasn't there, so I don't know the situation, you will have to judge). You need to talk specifics to your husband about what you are feeling in your marriage without yelling or being accusing.
Check out the website marriagebuilders.com. It has some very informative information.
Good luck!
2007-12-21 20:02:19 · answer #2 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The marriage isn't working. he's jealous because he can sense that you have feelings for some guy. Its not justified by the fact that you don't get physical. Some of the sexiest moments I've had with my fiance' have been looking at each other without touching.
he isn't going to counseling and you aren't in love with him. This isn't a plan for success.
While you're figuring it out you need to steer clear of the boyfriend. If you want this marriage then the boy has to go. If you want the boyfriend, I'm wondering if you're stable as moving from relationship to relationship can be unhealthy. Think before you leap. LOL
2007-12-21 17:49:59 · answer #3 · answered by Dawnmarie K 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it sounds like he's right to feel threatened. there's some guy that you're close with who probably has feelings for you and those feelings are most likely reciprocated. from your husband's point of view his marriage is already in peril and now you have this special friend in the mix.
maybe you should keep your distance from this friend until you sort out what you're going to do about your marriage. you might not be committing physical adultery, but you certainly might be committing emotional adultery. make your husband and repairing your marriage your first priority. maybe when he feels you are focused on your relationship together he'll feel less threatened and won't act out so much. he might even be willing to get into counseling.
if that doesn't work, at least you can say in good conscience that you gave it your all.
just my two cents.
2007-12-21 17:42:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband obviously knows of the feelings you and your friend have for eachother. He is acting out now, maybe hoping to seperate your friendship. You need to discuss your feelings with him. If you have feelings for another, you should not string him along. That's not fair, especially if he already suspects something. Also, don't confuse a great friendship with feelings of love. A close non-sexual bond with somebody can be ruined if acted upon. If you want to be with your husband, then explain to him how you feel about your friend, and tell him it's purely plutonic, I suspect this wouldn't even be an issue if your best friend was a female. If he can't get over that, move on.
2007-12-21 17:40:34 · answer #5 · answered by cdoubleu37 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like your husband is very emotionally immature ! Your husband is a time-bomb waiting to explode and he will eventually end up hurting you and / or someone else (physically). You have attempted to have him go to marriage counseling ... but his ego won't allow him to both, admit and acknowledge the need for it. He views you as a piece of property - he can just do and say whatever he wants to. He is most absolutely, a control freak. He has learned through life to bully his way through to get what he wants and has no feelings nor regard for you or others.
This ill behavior of his obviously, has gone on for a number of years and he is resolved to NOT change it. Time to move on or expect to have a marriage made in hell with this guy. Can you really stand to be married for the next 30 - 50 years with this nut? He is not going to change nor will your staying with him cause any change in him.
It's time to say "good-bye". Please do before this guy hurts you permanently - those harsh words from him will become physical damage. I hope you do not have children being raised within that toxic enviorment - Again; please move on !
2007-12-21 17:50:58 · answer #6 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes he made an *** of himself and we ALL do it from time to time! I did it today at Bob Evans with my Grandma! (Suuuch a loong story lol) I would say hes mad that he think you think you guys need consouling even if you really do. Many people dont want to admit their problems and hes probably one of those people! I would sit him down whether he likes it or not, and talk to him. Write down key points that you feel you need to talk about and make him listen then LISTEN to his side with NO defense. Let him say his peace! You guys need to agree on what to do next though. It very hard but you will get through it! Good luck and let me know how it works out! Im always here to talk to anyone that needs help or advise!
2007-12-21 17:38:37 · answer #7 · answered by katie d 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband obviously realizes the only thing the matter with your marriage is that you have let this other guy in. You know things are going to go further with this "friend" and should stop things now till you`ve at least sorted things out with your husband.
2007-12-21 17:37:06 · answer #8 · answered by vivi-mac 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like hes bipolar. And NO man should yell at you, or be little you! Its wrong. No relationship is perfect, there's always room for improvement. It does sound like you two need to see a marriage counselor. Its not a bad thing, but i feel sorry for you!! I wouldn't put up with him!
2007-12-21 17:38:05 · answer #9 · answered by Cathy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm going to be brutally honest here so be ready. I think you're both immature and that immaturity is going to wreck whatever relationship either one of you are in. You and I and your hubby all know you and your 'friend' are going to wind up waltzing between the sheets. Both of you need to cut the crap and grow up. I really hope kids aren't involved here. What a disaster for them.
2007-12-21 17:36:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋