My husband and I have been together for 9 years and just married this October. It's been a rocky 6 months for us. He has been very nasty and verbally abusive. He is not himself. Two weeks ago we had a horrible argument where we both said extremely hurtful damaging things to each other. I couldn't take it anymore and I stooped down to his level. We didn't speak for a week after. Before our argument, we discussed moving to another apartment in the building. So our lease was up last week and I needed to respond to them, so I asked them to transfer us to the other apartment.
Now my husband is saying that I got another apartment without him and that he is going to an extended stay for a while. We are both so hurt, but we are married. We need to work though this issues and if we have any chance of making it we need to go to counseling. He told me that he refuses to go and will let me know next month if he can even consider working things out.
2007-12-21 14:32:42 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I told him that I am not willing to continue this without counseling and he said "well I guess you made your choice". I cannot continue to fight this battle. We are married. We committed to work things out. I told him that if there is any part of him that loves me, that man needs to stand up right now because I am throwing up my flag and surrendering. I can't do it anymore.
I love him so much, but I don't feel like I have any other choice. Should I call it quits and leave? When I make this decision, I don't want to turn back. It hurts too much.
2007-12-21 14:33:02 · update #1
A rocky 6 months? Married in October (2 months ago)? There's no helping someone who wont help themselves.
2007-12-21 14:38:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Give him some space... Men do not work like we do, and to try to get him to do so, is wearing you out! Stop & listen to him instead of voicing everything that you have to say... Communication is not one sided, it's open. You have to be open to him having a say so too. If his say so is to leave, let him go, you do not own him just because you are married. Counseling only works when both parties are willing to go & be heard. But the counselor will tell you this same thing... Listen to each other & give the relationship some space. Trust me, been there done that, more than once with my now exhusband. I won't go into my details, but I will say it again... Listening & giving will win you the day. Apologize for your behavior, not your feelings, as you are intitiled to those. But sometimes the way we go about things hurts us worse than what the other is saying or doing...
2007-12-21 14:51:08 · answer #2 · answered by T. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is your husband being so abusive? Is he doing drugs and u don't know about it. As a married couple, you should be able to work things out. Theres definetly something going on with him. Either another woman, drugs, or maybe he doesn't want to be with you. You need to talk even though u guys hate eachother right now. Talk to him without going to counseling first. Why will he let u know next month about working things out? Talk to him, stop stressing yourself out so much and just go talk to him. If he refuses, maybe he's not worth it. Why do you want to be with someone thats verbally abusive and stays mad at you forever
2007-12-21 20:20:47 · answer #3 · answered by 1love 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st off you should stop trying to get him to do what you want him to do. Both of you should vow never to fight, because you can dish it out, but you can't take it. This should be the one and only lesson. Someone will have to be the bigger person in all of this. He doesn't want to go for help, you made a decision without talking to him, because you didn't want to talk to him. So now the apartment you both want will be lost, because you two don't want to be the one to give in. This is bad. You are going to lose a marriage, because you two really don't know how to say SORRY.
2007-12-21 15:16:10 · answer #4 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to seek counseling on your on, because at this point you have told him what you are going to do which again has shown him that you will continue to make decisions about the both of you without his input. and you cant do that. he needs to feel like his feelings are considered in all the decision of the house. there is no I in WE and YOU need to realize that. GodBless
2007-12-21 14:56:48 · answer #5 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me like he is looking for a way out. Men look for a way out when they have another option waiting in the wings. What difference does it make that you agreed on another apartment, I mean really.
He is cheating in my opinion. Of course, you can ask him and he will deny it. But why would he want to move over that?
2007-12-21 14:47:07 · answer #6 · answered by nillachica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what you are saying is "you are married"? Thats about all I got out of this. What I dont understand is, after 9 years you felt it was time to get married? He get an attitude before or after? Was he pushed into it?
2007-12-21 14:49:42 · answer #7 · answered by primalclaws1974 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a long narrative you are sure short on details.
This leaves me with no alternative to guess that the two of you are not dealing with the real problems in your relationship.
Start at the beginning of your problems.
Merry Christmas
2007-12-21 14:39:12 · answer #8 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just read the first person comments, and pretty much agree with the first portion of his comment. I've been in some of this with my husband. Right now, give him some space. This sounds like it is something deeper than what he is telling you.
2007-12-21 14:44:53 · answer #9 · answered by springful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is important. Look for way to calm down both side. Talk sensibly as adult & pursuade him to look for counselling if both of you cannot settle down. Do not give up.
2007-12-21 15:49:22 · answer #10 · answered by TT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋