Should I stay with my husband if he drinks?

Question

This is not an easy situation. I have been married to my husband for 5 years now, and there have been several occasions where he has drinked to excess throughout our marriage. It has caused problems in the past, yet I managed to get past it when he stopped drinking. He was recently gone for a year, and there were a few occasions when he drank to excess where he was. He even got into some trouble at work as a result (he is in the military). I was very upset, as it seemed that it did not matter whether he was with me or not when this happened. He did try to blame his drinking on me, and I almost left him for it a few years ago. We talked things out and I told him that I loved him, and I also let him know that If it ever started up again, I would not stay with him. Well, last month I found a bottle hidden under the couch cushions. Today, he came home from work and within about an hour or so of his being home, I smelled liquor on his breathe. He denied it of course.

He was stumbling and calling a lot of people, which is what he does when he drinks. I looked under the bed while he was in the room with me and found a bottle of vodka that was 3/4 of the way gone in less than 3 hours. I am so upset, and really am thinking this is going to start all over again! We are supposed to be moving back home together in 4 weeks, but I am really thinking about not moving back with him! I don't want to lose my husband or my marriage, and maybe I am overreacting, but I don't want to live that way again!

Answer 1

I totally feel you on this situation. I've been married for 8 yrs. and my husband was an alcoholic too. I went through the exact same thing as you and I know how miserable living this way can be. I love my husband very much but considered leaving him when things came almost unbearable. Because of that real love, I stayed. As much as I wanted him to stop, I knew it was totally up to him. I am a strong believer in God and the power of prayer, so I put it all in the hands of God. I am proud to say he has stopped drinking tremendously this past year, only an occasional slip up, nothing like it has been. We are just taking it one day at a time because he loved me enough to change and I love him enough to be there for him when he decided to.

Answer 2

Well, something I can say is that if you happen to fairly seem again in your relationship existence you most commonly can discover so known as few "pink flags" that could of proven you the actual colours of your now husband. The questions that I might ask, is that why is it that your husband reveals a must pass partying? Did you 2 occasion earlier than, and did you think happy with that earlier than? Did you get premarital counseling? If you do, you and your husband must pass meet with that man or woman once more, and speak approximately your issues. If you under no circumstances bought any premarital counseling, I recommendation you meet along with your neighborhood pastor, although you do not attend a church, it is unfastened and really sound recommendation. I desire you'll be able to paintings matters out, and experience a fine marriage for decades to come back. God Blessings!

Answer 3

If you want a good marriage and he does too, he needs to start the process of healing...If he accepts congrats you´re on your way,,,If he refuses you have to save yourself,,,
You won´t be able to make it if he continues as if nothing cares anymore...He has a problem, it is not a game!...Going to rehab or AA is the only prove you need that he wants the same as you..If he doesn´t then don´t waste your time, energy and life!.....
HE´s an alcoholic and going this way he´s not going to be any better,,,cheating and hiding bottles isn´t a good sign, don´t let him play fool at you,,,Think and do whatever you need to do to have a happy and healthy life, remember it´s your life and you have only 1, do the best with it.

Answer 4

Denial is the first sign of addiction. He won't admit or acknowledge that there's a problem with this habit of his. I think the first thing you should do is get set up with a therapist or pastor. Work on how you can stay strong, let out the disappointment you've experienced from this in your marriage and from your partner. Grieve it, let it out and work on how you can approach this with him. If he refuses to talk to someone, attend AA or get other means of help, still continue to get support for yourself. He may see the work you're doing in yourself and decide he needs to make a change in his life as well. You may even want to attend a support group. If he ever becomes violent, leave the house until he acknowledges the problem and gets help. And remember, his drinking problem is not your fault and you don't cause him to drink or get out of control. We ALL make choices.

Answer 5

You are not over reacting.

By the time people begin to hide alcohol and deny being obviously drunk, alcoholism has taken hold.

The bad news is alcoholics have only two choices in life. Get sober and stay sober, or continue to drink and get worse.

Lucky for you every answer you could ever have on this subject can be found if you seek it out.

Find an Al-anon meeting and go to it. Once there find a sponsor and follow her suggestions.

What you need to realize is you cannot make him do anything, including get sober. He has to want to change. But can and you must change yourself.

You can do it. You deserve better and you know it.

Merry Christmas

Answer 6

Well if you still love him, then stick with him. But if he abuses you when he's drunk, kick his *** to the curb. You don't deserve that! You've told him how its going down, he stops drinking or you're out. So confront him again about the problem and make sure he is you let him know you are completely serious when you say you'll leave him unless he quits. If he doesn't quit then leave. He may come to his senses and stop drinking, but if he doesn't you're much better off. No one deserves to live like that. Worrying every night if he's drunk and going to get hurt or do something that he'll regret. It seems to me that you need to move on and get into a better relationship. I truly hope it works out for you. Good luck

Answer 7

He need your help. Normally, I would say LEAVE!. But my heart goes out to you and him. Alcoholic really don't want to drink, but they can't help it. Some want to stop, but are afraid of being without the alcohol. There's something else that is causing the pain. If you leave him, you'll only start to wonder if he is ok? If he is eating? sleeping? or dead. I know, because I go through this same thing. If he is abusive, loud, wasteful of the family money, whoring, I would say, pack his bags and let him go. But now, that you know all of his hiding spots, you have to let him confront himself. Where ever he fall out. Leave him there. When he hide his bottles, go and get it and hide it some place else. When he walk into walls, tell him,'' I know that hurt''. Don't discuss anymore with him, besides to tell him that he lied to you and you have to evaluate the marriage. Tell him you don't need a drunk, you need a man. If he want to drank himself to death, then we better get more insurance, because you want to be set up well. You have to show him tough love.

Answer 8

alcoholism is an illness, as cancer or bladder infection or whatever. he doesn't have control of it anymore. neither do u. talking with him isn't gonna do anything. i had an uncle like this. he would stop drinking or several years even, but no matter for how long he wasn't drinking the end always came - he started drinking again and twice harder than before. u need MEDICAL professional help. they have drugs now which makes a person not to want to consume alcohol or even make him sick if he consumes alcohol. u either leave him or seek professional help. talking will not do anything, quit amusing yourself

Answer 9

You shouldn't stay with your husband unless he agreed to get some help then there is no longer a marriage, because if he is going to chose you over the bottle, then you gotta leave this situation before it turn violent....

Answer 10

If you stay, you will probably be miserable. I don't suspect that what you call "your marriage" is even a marriage. Face it, he's an addict and probably won't change. He's self centered, refuses to accept responsibility and blames YOU for his own addiction. He's no where near recovery, so you have alot more hardship before you see the daylight. The question is, how much more of your life do you want to waste on a loser?