what do u think of my poem?

Question

A Mind Of Flight

As I write my mind
Begins to take flight;

It might fly like a child’s kite,
Just sitting in one spot
All day and all night;

As I write my mind
Begins to take flight;

It might sore like a bird,
Traveling to cites you
Have never even heard;

As I write my mind
Begins to take flight;

It might become a breeze,
Flowing swiftly in between
The tall grass and tress;
A mellow breeze capable
Of sailing the seven seas;

My mind is capable
Of all of these,
So I beg of you please…
Write with your mind, heart, or soul
and don’t let it vanish into a hole…

Answer 1

I think the poem is quite powerful.

Besides the musical rhythm effected by the repetition of "As I write," the images used to illustrate the writing process are hilarious and titillating: kite, bird, breeze.
The onset of writing is likened to a child's kite, "Just sitting in one spot." Our mind's eye is immediately arrested and pinned to one spot: one subject/topic or whatever we are writing about. Hence, the image of a child holding string connecting a kite and sitting on one spot communicates another subtle profound idea - Once we settle down to write, our mind, ideally, must focus on one thing, the idea(s) we want to put across. Concentration required for the writing process is beautifully conveyed by the image of the child sitting on one spot yet the kite is flying high up the sky. The string connecting the two, by implication, suggests the idea of letting the mind wander freely like a kite, yet not losing focus of the subject.

Then the mind is likened to a living creature, a bird. Notice the shift from man-made and man-controlled kite to a living creature in nature, God-made if you will:

"It might sore like a bird,
Traveling to cites you
Have never even heard;"

During the writing process, the mind is let loose to wander freely far and wide. The mind is divinely inspired to explore even the virtual recesses we can barely fathom. The image of bird soaring (rectify spelling), traveling to distant sites(spelling), suggests more than free rein of thought but something commissioned by the Almighty. By Nature!! When we see a bird in the soaring in the sky, we never could tell its destination. It is not a kite, not a plane which are made by humans hence controlled by humans. Not so a bird in the sky.

The third image is the most powerful. Here the mind is not likened to any kite or bird as the similes above suggest. We are told this about the mind, "It might become a breeze." Metaphor is now brilliantly used. The mind MIGHT become a BREEZE. 'Might' suggests uncertainty. Unlike the other images, here the poet does not say it is a breeze but it "might" which conveys a sense of uncertainty!!
This connects superbly with the image of bird which flies to distant sites, we've never been to. The condition of the bird is divine/natural. Wherever it flies to is uknowable. Whatever it will find there is also unknowable. Why it is flying there is again unkonwable!! That is the brilliance of this image of "might" be a breeze. We never can tell with certainty, what the final product of our writing would be. We never would tell the effect and or response it would elicit.
Our mind is just a breeze, "Flowing swiftly in between/ The tall grass and tress." The breeze can only be felt but not seen. That is what the mind is. Not what it is like. The mind is a breeze whose immediate effect can be visualized when we see the tall grass and trees (rectify spelling) swaying, the ships traversing oceans, but itself remains forever invisible. Or could you see breeze without its immediate effects! Yes. That is the mind during the writing process.

The final stanza, summarizes the plea of the poem, urging writers to hearken to three cardinal ideals: mind, heart, soul.
This is an ingenuous summary of the images deployed too. Like the child focussing on the kite, focus is required.
Like the determined bird, a determined "heart" is required.
Like the breeze that simply whirls by, only the immediate effects of our writing would be visible as we write. But the rest, like a soul, can only be imagined.

Please be encouraged to compose more poems. I believe that you have the talent and skills.

good luck

.

Answer 2

don't listen to that guy verse 7 is perfect all words are needed and wouldn't make sense in another verse
i thought it was a great poem i like the idea of it and i can totally agree i haven't been writing very long but i like to think i can pick out good poetry=D.
let your mind sore and keep writing lol
thanks for sharing
~love Chela

Answer 3

I think your poem is beautiful. I love the way you talk about writing with your mind, heart and soul. Happy Holidays!

Answer 4

your poem does have some hope,
some would say you've been smokin dope,
your mind is floating high in the atmosphere,
expressing fantasies,showing no fear,
navigating anywhere you feel,
like a ship on an even keel,
what more do you have in store,
please could you send me some more .

Answer 5

So. Did you write it? Was it Ali Hasan? Are you Ali Hasan?

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/a-mind-of-flight/

Answer 6

Yes. The new girl has skills. The other one pails in comparison to this. I hope she shows us more.

Answer 7

wow you are great T,D, put you on question to check your out;and if he;s impressed you must be great,i seen your poetry yesterday ' and i say damn your wonderful...have a great day.looking forward to more of your work....peachie 1

Answer 8

Very nice! Keep up the good work!

Answer 9

Hahahaha i love it!!!! And my poetry always comes from my mind, heart and soul lol

Answer 10

awesome!!
i really like how you arranged each stanza with the rhyme pattern