His emotional state used to be very well under control. I still love him so much, and even me leaving him would send me to the psych ward. I've been with him for 7 years, he's all i got. And most of the time he's a really sweet guy, but lately he's been flying off the handle so easily. He assumes things about me and then gets angry at me for it all the time. And once he's angry nothing can calm him down, i tried talking calmly to him, i tried to just not talk, i tried to avoid him but anything i did would make him angrier. i feel so trapped because i usually only associate with him i have no friends, no family, no car. Plus i really don't want to leave him, he's my husband, i love him so much it would tear my heart to shreds to have to leave him.
2007-12-21 13:45:54 · 15 answers · asked by ИΦĬςΩҐҐļº² 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
btw; He has a history of mental illness in his family but we don't have the money for a doctor. Also he doesn't drink so this isn't an alcohol issue. I've gotten to the point where whenever he's screaming at me all i can do is sit there and take it and cry, which usually upsets him more. I just really don't know what to do here.
2007-12-21 13:46:10 · update #1
I think you only have a few options here:
1. you get counseling. If you don't and you continue with this destructive relationship, then you will continually be trapped and lonely. I understand that you don't have the money, but if you want to salvage this marriage, you must get help...the both of you.
2. You can leave him and start a new life.
3. Stay with him and be miserable.
I can see that you love him, but you both need the counseling. It sounds me that he needs to get the to root of why he's so angry. Counseling will help you to. It may help you understand why your willing to be mistreated. My suggestion would be to get separate counseling and then together get marriage counseling. Good Luck!
2007-12-21 13:55:43 · answer #1 · answered by Hannah's Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may very well love him - but the man is emotionally abusing you - and that's much, much worse than any kind of physical abuse - because emotional wounds fester for years to come. He thinks he is allowed to treat you this way because he thinks you're trapped and knows that you're too scared to leave. The first thing YOU need to do is get some self -respect and remember that you not only do not deserve that treatment, but that's not what you signed up for when you married him. There are no excuses for that type of behavior, and regardless of whether you have the money or not - there are public centers where he can see someone for $5 or free in EVERY city for mental issues. When in doubt, call the cops and they'll haul him away to the nearest hospital's behavioral program. Chances are, his "episodes" will get predominantly worse and may become very violent hence ending in you getting injured or worse - killed. He may also be cheating on you and is abrupting into these fits of rage because he is so racked with guilt of what he's done or is doing. Obviously, he is in no state to sit down and have a normal discussion with..I suggest you get a phone book and either call the help hotlines listed in the front of search the yellow pages for any kind of therapist offices - Yes, I remember you don't have the money for it, but generally when you call these facilities, they will point you in the right direction. Do not allow yourself to be kept in this prison any longer - you deserve to live a long, happy and healthy life. Good luck sweetie. If you need to talk - email me.
2007-12-21 21:55:08 · answer #2 · answered by *Meg* 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, since you can't leave him and he's your very air that you breathe, when he start going up side your head, let's see what he looks like in your eyes then? If you are able to see through the swollen eyes. He is a control freak and the fact that you don't have any friends, no car, don't go anywhere and he accusing you of things that you are not doing, is the clear signs of this man is a control freak and he will end up beating you, if he hasn't already done so. So what more can we say to you? Besides leave, before he hurt you or kills you. I'd rather for my heart totorn to shreds than to have RIP on a coffin. Good Luck to you. He sounds like my ex husband. He does have a mental problem and love will not fix it. In fact, you are his property and that is the way he show love.
2007-12-21 21:56:42 · answer #3 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he hasn't been like this forever, then it probably isn't you he is frustrated with, it is something else in his life that is causing him stress and he is taking it out on the easiest target- you. So many times we try to pass problems off on a mental illness when really it is a personal dilemma that said person is unable to deal with maturely. Has he been doing anything else different lately? Changed his routine at all? There could be something going on that you dont know about- not saying cheating, but something he doesnt want you to know or find out.
2007-12-21 21:52:10 · answer #4 · answered by SARAH J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he is doing is called Emotional and Verbal Abuse. And it isn't okay. You know that.
Since you cannot afford for him to see a doctor, than you should call your County Mental Health Department and ask them about assistance to either seek counseling for yourself or, preferably, for the both of you. They can help you find transportation, as well as to help you figure out how best to help yourself. There are many services that you can take advantage of, for people who need financial assistance.
You love your husband, that much is obvious. But, you don't deserve to be treated with such blatant disrespect and cruelty.
2007-12-21 22:01:07 · answer #5 · answered by sarlha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get some counseling. For both you and him. I know you said you don't have the money but, every state has some sort of free clinic or small fee. You need to get a phone book and start making phone calls.
2007-12-21 21:52:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get him some help. Have you health ins. if not have you tried getting state sponsored health ins??
If you love this man you have to help him. Mental illness is a medical issue that NEEDS to be delt with. If he had cancer would you say oh well we don't have the money for it? This is just as important!
2007-12-21 22:29:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him to a hospital for review, The state should help pay for it, that is if he agrees to go. If it gets worst, I afraid he might end up hurting you. If it get there, you have to leave and save yourself, there are always people to help others in your situation, check in phone books, call someone to talk to about it, they will help you out!
2007-12-21 21:54:40 · answer #8 · answered by Camelot 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try out couples therapy. You can look in the yellow book or I included a link on how to find some. It really helps. Helped me at least.
2007-12-21 21:53:05 · answer #9 · answered by rootsradicalz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave, even if it's just for a little while. Go to a shelter if you have to. If he is being this irrational it is only a matter of time before it becomes physical.
2007-12-21 21:51:50 · answer #10 · answered by grneyes8621 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋