Has anyone been disowned or has disowned family members? What's it like for you/them for holidays?

Question

Just curious? My mother's other child embezzled a lot of $$$ from me. She begged me not to prosecute him and to not send him to prison. Not once in 25 years have we spoken a single word to the other and since he hasn't tried to repay me nor apologize, I'm sure we'll go to our graves without speaking. I never think about "it" until the holidays and then everyone starts with a barrage of questions about "it". I can't stand it and I think it's very rude, especially in front of my daughter. The only other time I think about "it" is when my elderly mother gets sick. I dread the day of her death.

Anyhow, I was just wondering if you've had anything like this happen and what do you do about it?

Thanks & Happy Holidays

Tsunami, although it's sad to hear your story, I am so glad you spoke up. So frequently in that horrible adoption forum, anyone is "allowed" to speak their heart. I went several months back and found your answers touching and quite profound. Thank you for sharing your story and bless you. I'm sorry that you've been through this rot but I'm so thankful to hear that you have a supportive husband and friends.

I meant to add: It seems like it is most frequently those who "bite the hand that's feeding them".

I also meant to say in that horrible forum "NOONE is allowed to speak their heart", not anyone, but I don't think the majority in there have a heart, just my opinion and observations.

Kala, do you think you might be able to start your own Christmas holidays and traditions, maybe now? I hope so. I tried to meld together some of the past and some new for my daughter and me. It helped, a little.

RoVale, did your great aunt or her son ever try to make it up to your grandmother, especially before she passed away?

SnowBunny, thank you. So far, I haven't witnessed "what goes around comes around" but I suppose that's ok. If I didn't believe in reincarnation and karma, I think I would have done myself in a long time ago.

"It" is one of those that has charmed everyone else, if you know what I mean. Yes, I have done some of what you suggested but now that I'm a mom, I try to act like I didn't hear them, for the sake of my daughter. Of course, she always does, and waits till later to ask "Mommy, why did he do that to you? Mommy, I don't ever want a brother or sister who would do that.", etc.

Ok. So do we all go on and make our own holiday traditions?

Answer 1

Wow, you have a big generous heart for not prosecuting the person. Im sure you will be rewarded in some other way, things always comes around! Anyhow, this happened to a friend--the mom disowned her, asked her to sign papers and everything, but the mom had depression and a nervous breakdown. She just signed the papers to put the mom at ease, but she rarely wants to speak to the mom (but the mom keeps trying to contact her).

That's really nosy of other people to ask you about this every year and rude to talk about it in front of your daughter. I probably wouldnt let the conversation get far, you can cut the question they ask immediately. Say that you never want to talk about this and you'd appreciate them not ever bringing it up again, especially in front of your daughter. If they persist, perhaps you can bring up something they dont want to talk about, say something like,"it's the same thing, you probably dont want to talk about x and y and would rather refrain from being reminded of it every year during a happy holidays." keep your boundaries. if they cant stop themselves from bringing it up, try not to talk to them or walk away when they bring it up.

Answer 2

This happened between my grandmother and one of her sisters. They had a major falling out in the 1960s due to the sister's son losing a lot of my grandmother's money as a result of a bad investment deal. The two lived in the same neighborhood and never really reconciled. They were pleasant when they encountered each other in public but there was no connection between them. This continued until my grandmother died some 20 years later.

Answer 3

yes just a few years ago i was disowned from a family i had grown up with all my life had cousins, aunts uncles etc. well the fact my adopted mom dislikes me is nothing much but we dont' get along and i have taken care of her anyhow. but i guess because of the way she treates me i dislike her as much anyhow i have told some of the family members this on and off for years and they felt i am wrong and that one day i realized i wasn't hearing from some of the cousins and then i realized it had been long while and they i realized why. well yu kno what? my aunts and uncles are dead. my cousin who was my age is gone she died in 1972 car wreck. she wouldn't have disowned me and it was cousins abit older then me and so anyhow i realized that i really didn't have much to do with them anyhow and therefore one of them was mean to me when i was young and i hated her. so really what was i getting all upset for? so i decided to just go along with teh whole turmoil and be done with them. i dont' nee dthem anyhow i have a bestest friend and her hubby and we're moving north so i have nothing to worry about. yes at first i was going to make a move and stuff but you know what i am adopted and the fact that they can just be with you or not over one person is beyond me. but its done all the time. my dad also is one before he died told me that she was so worried my adopted mom that i would get her money and stuff before they died and i told her me and my hubby didnt' want nothing from them. well we didn't havent' taken one thing from them and i have told her several times i guess i could go on and on. its up to you but with being big bucks i can see it wouldn't have to every be talking to this person again its sad btu it was done and it can't be taken back and whats the point? so he can steal or do whatever agian well take care. good luck

Answer 4

My parents disowned me when I was 16, we are getting back on talking terms now, but after they disowned me I stopped celebrating christmas. Too depressing.