How is gender even a factor, in the first place?

Question

Let's presume you talk to someone, in the form of letter for email. You are not told their name, or their gender, and are not allowed to be told anything that would help you to tell. Let's also presume that you fall in love with this person.

Now, they could be either gender. You, of course, don't know which.

Finally, you meet them, and find that they're of the gender you're not "interested in."

Would you REALLY fall OUT of love with them? If you do, you're either lying to yourself, or you were never in love with them in the first place.

Therefore, wouldn't that imply that attraction; gay or straight, does not define who you actually LOVE?

Ehh. Now that I go back and read that, I think I'm just weird. Or crazy. Or both.

I'm asking hypothetically speaking. Don't bother telling me that couldn't happen; I'm stubborn and I won't listen.

And. Ehm. Thanks.

What I'm saying is, if you got to know them, EXCLUDING their gender, and they aren't the sex you thought they were, you wouldn't fall out of love with them.

I DO NOT CARE IF THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

I'm not ASKING whether it would happen, AM I.

God, just READ THE QUESTION, for crying out loud..

Answer 1

This is a GREAT question, but your logic is flawed...

You can NOT fall in Love with someone JUST over a piece of paper - and if you do, then it is not TRUE Love.

True Love is when you enjoy spending every SECOND with the person - even if all you're doing is bumming around in your pj's, watching the same Simpsons re-run for the 10,000th time.

Perhaps I am in the minority here - but I feel that the word Love is thrown around FAR too casually by people. As far as I am concerned - Love at first sight is IMPOSSIBLE.

Love is the greatest thing in the Universe - and to be able to feel that in someone you just met CANNOT happen. Sure, you can have VERY strong feelings of attraction, caring, lust, compassion, etc. - but this is still NOT Love...

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But I digress from your question - making the ASSUMPTION that Love somehow entered into this equation, then I would be totally fine enjoying this magical feeling. Attraction (sexual or otherwise) is only a tiny part of Love - and Love CAN exist without it.

Answer 2

I really think it would be possible to figure out the sex of the other individual.

Men and women write differently. Women, in general, write more descriptively. More emphasis on details.........assuming that the writer is not "a writer."

I had someone write an email to me telling me that he, "felt like a a$$hole." Up to that point, I didn't know if my friend or his wife had written the note. Women don't refer to themselves as an a$$hole. MOST women that is. I think women tend to write about their feelings more than men.

Occupations are not necessarily gender specific anymore, but when I was growing up it was possible just by knowing what someone did for a living as to what sex they were. In my day, women never did any thing that was heavy or "dirty." In other words, an occupation such as road construction would signify a male. Most nurses were female. Men became doctors, not women. The "bread winner" in the family was always a man.

Many of those cues could identify the gender. Once that is figured out, falling in love would seem either inappropriate, or highly acceptable.

Addendum: Sheesh! I see you're having a cow over the answers! Are you really THAT intent on finding an answer to this? Or are you just trying to drive yourself nuts?

Just relax, kid. YA is supposed to be either educational or fun. Your reaction to answers is neither.

Answer 3

Good question. One thing that you may have failed to consider is that males and females often write differently - masculinity and femininity extend to the pen, as well. These are subtle differences in style, to be sure, but they are there. And if you corresponded with someone enough to fall in love with them, it seems unlikely that you'd never come across anything gender related. But so as not to burst your hypothetical bubble (this is certainly not my intention), let's just say that one couldn't tell by their writing style that the other person was of the same sex, and that gender somehow never came up. In this case I think you're right, they would be lying to themselves if they allowed something as superficial as gender to obscure the high love they'd cultivated. Except that body chemistry has a lot to do with romance. You could still love that individual and remain uninterested in a sexual relationship. Sex is a physical act, and has little to do with the substantial sort of love developed through intellectual communion. I think such a situation might be a little more complicated than you're suggesting. But you're definitely not crazy or anything like that. In fact, it's a very, very beautiful sentiment you're expressing/exploring here. It sounds like it would make a good romantic comedy :D

Answer 4

I see things differently. I guess this hypothetical situation is possible... but talking through e-mail, what are you exchanging? Nothing more than emotional love. I guess I could have a deep conversation with a girl, hell, not even know it!

But, when it comes to the physical aspect it just wouldn't work out for me. I guess this dumb but I guess a dating requirement would be a penis in my book, lol. (That doesn't sound shallow I hope.) We say looks don't matter, but looks and gender are a little different.

I couldn't ever connect physically with a girl. I don't know what I'm trying to describe, I'm just not attracted to them.

I guess it's the physical aspect of love, but that's how you define 'love', as genderless. That's great, and if you live to that, awesome, but I guess I don't. I need to be with a guy, it wouldn't be the same with a girl, you know?

>>On the emotional aspect, no, I wouldn't fall out of love with the, but they couldn't be able to be anything more than a friend. Like for me to 'take it to the next level', the person would have to be a guy or it isn't happening...

Answer 5

LOL Perf. I see you've dug yourself into a hole again. It's think THEN type, not the other way around. LOL

But you ARE right. Love is love regardless of the gender. BUT, how is it possible to falll in love with a person without having ever met that person face to face? So essentially you have found a soul mate who's of the same gender as you. So rather than have Romantic love, enjoy a loving friendship. There's absolutely nothing wrong wwith that either. Unless you wish to actualy have Romantic love with the person who;s the same gender. there's nothing wrong with that either. That is a decision between the two of you and no one else's business, as I see it.

Brighets Blessings,
Raji the Green Witch

Answer 6

Well Um, 1st of all, If I found that the other person were a gender i wasnt intrested in, I would probably give them a chance since I was in love with them, But then again, Idk what idiot would fall in love with someone over gay letters...Honestly, If you cant know their gender then what could you know? you can only know so much b4 finding out what gender they are and that will never reach the point of those 2 people falling in love.....Touche!!!

Anyhow, Im really stoned, but I think I made a good point. Therefore, you know...that 1 thing.

Answer 7

It sounds as if you are desperate for boy, but every pregnancy different and girls and boys are now a days quite easy to tell apart as girls have 3 lines (some people say like hamburger) and boys have bits, I had 2 girls and you could tell and pregnant with boy and you could see scrotum and everything so i would say 100% accurate. My sister was desperate for a girl and even when they told her she was having another boy she convinced herself it was a girl but it they turned out to be right and was another boy. Get a private scan done at 25/30 weeks and there will be no question about it!

Answer 8

if there is deliberate deception involved, and it is really hard to imagine a 'real life' 'in this adult world' 'here and now' and 'not a child fantasy' realistic situation where a person could make such a mistake, such a deception would end any real love.

could also begin a violent episode
moral: be the truth to others as well as yourself

Answer 9

I can see your logic.
It seems to me that if you don't know the other persons gender, it will be harder for your to fall in love.
As in like someone a lot, as in friend.
But actually lust after words on paper or a screen?
You might just be weird.
I personally got a huge feeling of relief when I realized I was weird.
good luck.

Answer 10

I would never make it to the point of falling in love without speaking or meeting the person face to face.
Also i can always tell even from just chatting if the persons a man or woman.
So for me this would never happen.