Any opinions or suggestions for my poem?

Question

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Money? money? Hey, you!
Could you spare some,please, sir?
I'll empty my pockets, sure;
I haven't much to give you.

Not enough for you to stay alive on.
(I keep enough to catch a ride on.)
I pray that, maybe, a warm sandwich;
prevents this being the street he dies on.
Warms him, if here he coldly lies on.

I have a coupon, we can split fries...
smiling, "O.K." the thoughts of liquor die.
With a person, problems can just fly.
As his story falls on my ears and eyes.

...or thoughts/comments/critique?

...thanks for the comments and the story. It sounds like you've been a ways, since then.

Not that I'm "desperate" for charity, but, I can't do much for others' money problems.

I'm glad you found a kind, charitable place in a time of need. I wish the "usual charity groups", weren't the type to turn people away.

Answer 1

First of all, Thank you, for the 10... Off topic; Enlightenment offers Heightend awareness. It need not "convert". Kudos to you for taking the steps.

Now, to this piece of work.

Initially I offer this, but don't strictly know the title. Ah wait,,,yes I do,,, A not so old Country Song,,,"I was almost home."

Having very directly been in both sets of "shoes", this piece you've submitted, is defining, and being the season,,,Thank you again. To become HUMBLE, one must first experience Humility. To become charitable, one must have exerienced being without.

To be nominated for Sainthood, might take a bit more effort.

PAY IT FORWARD should be everyones motto and Mantra, no matter how it manifests.

I'll admit to something very few know. I was once living in a situation of dire need and poverty. The holidays were upon me, and I was totally without. I never considered a curb side stand or sign, but did go to a local food bank,,,AFTER being turned down by every AGENCY designed for the purpose of Helping.

The situation was simple. I gave my name, and address, as I wept in my humility. THEY took me through their "Store" filling two boxes with food stuffs, etc. to hold me through a difficult time. They even helped carry the goods out to my vehicle, and wished me blessings for the Holidays.

That was 5 years ago and 3500 miles away from where I am now. I still send them what I can afford, when I can, with thank you notes.

Kudos to you for reminding me, and I hope you and others feel graced now, and beyond this holiday season.

Steven Wolf

Answer 2

it's...hard to put a label on a poem like that. moving would be a good word, but perhaps too mushy. all i know is that i liked it. there's just something about it that makes me smile, with a melancholy twist.