marraige problems :( help i need advice?

Question

My husband and i are two very different people who fell in love.
We have been married for 2.5 years and have a 7 month old little boy. For the last two years i have put up with aLOT of verbal abuse, anger outbursts, him threatening to leave me, telling me that im lucky i have our little boy or he would have been gone a long time ago. he has done what i consider to be cheating with women online on about 6 occassions, each time appologizing and saying it wont happen again. but we will have a couple good days and then we have blowouts. I tend to keep my mouth shut and just deal with it but the things he says to me iv never heard another person tell to their wife and it hurts so bad. I kept telling him if it kept up I would want to leave at some point and now its gotten so bad i just want to move on with my life. one day he is all for it, tells me to get out so he wont wast anymore of his life with me, then when i got the papers he got PISSED and started guilting me into counciling.

i dont know what to do because honestly every day he is singing a different tune, but after everything that has happened i dont trust him anymore and i dont know if i still love him. I have a hard time loving him when he is so damn mean to me. Truthfully, i want to seperate or divorce because i feel i cant take anymore. but one minute he wants to then the next he guilt trips me telling me he cant live without me..
this sucks.. his anger also scares me alot :( (hes never hit me, but gets SO animated and angry about it).

Answer 1

Please leave the relationship as soon as you can.

The situation will only escalate and as your son grows, he will think that this behavior is acceptable.

It will be difficult supporting a young child on your own but you have your dignity and your son's dignity intact. There are plenty of support groups available for someone in your condition. Please seek them out.

Before you leave, please make sure that you have all the important documents such as the child's birth certificate, because you may not be able to return to your residence again.

Matrimony should be based on love in order to be happy, not guilt.

Answer 2

Going to the doctor when you are sick only matters if you have an infection. Otherwise... it's likely a virus and the doctor can't do a darn thing about it. MANY people can't afford to go to doctors That is why it has become a national issue. I've never had a bought Halloween costume in my life. Neither did the kids. I recall it being a point of honor to mash something together from raiding every closet in the house and getting creative with makeup. Encourage that mind set and your children will learn to appreciate it as well. If what it takes is a daily allowance... then that is what you do. It is very important that the wage earner has some spending cash. Otherwise, he becomes the apparatus that allows other people to fulfill their dreams while his own life becomes one merely of servitude. Resentment is natural in that case. The two of you, together, made the choice to live beyond your means with the intention that, when you got your degree, more money would come in. So the two of you together work out the consequences. You are not a stay-at-home mom. You are a full-time student. So I'm certain you are overwhelmed but you are also on the right road to dig yourselves out. Try going to the Consumer Credit Counseling center.. or look up on the internet... for the budget wheel that recommends a proven method of fiscal divisions and sit down with your husband and check out what percentage of your income is being divvied up into what category and make the decision, as adults, what you can do to realign your choices. That budget wheel is a real eye opener for MOST families. And it takes all of this out of the realm of personal opinion or nagging and onto a path of proven success.

Answer 3

You need to think of all the pro's and cons. The big one is do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this unkind and disrespectful man. Is he likely to change?

Balanced against that is whether you can manage to bring up your baby on your own (although you might both want to share parenting but living apart). And would it harm your child if you stay together and he hears you fighting and unhappy all the time? Are you both able to make a supreme effort to improve things? If not, is there any point in staying unhappily together for the sake of your son? If you part, could you both still live fairly near each other to make sharing your son easy?
Have you got a support system - family and friends who could help if you are a single parent? Would you be able to earn enough to support yourself and son comfortably? If not, could you get some kind of additional training as a back-up in case things get worse?
I hope you sort things out.

Answer 4

Sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds to me like your husband is a very manipulative and angry man; he must have a lot of issues poisoning him. (Perhaps he had a sad childhood; or has endured many painful situations...There must be a reason for his behavior.)

BUT...Whatever happened to him in the past is not your fault; and he should be mature enough to see this and not abuse you emotionally and verbally, as he does. Since he obviously doesn't act as a decent and mature man, you are the one paying the price- and that is not fair.

Please contact your family and ask for help. Tell them what is going on so he will see you are not alone!

Abusive people DO NOT change, and from what you have written it looks like you are so scared and afraid of being yourself that you are paralyzed.

Please think of yourself and your kid's welfare. Your child needs peace and what he is seeing and hearing will affect him in the future; so think real hard if this awful life is what you want for yourself and your child. Only you can decide how to live your own life; and life is short. I don't think God wants to see you be a victim and to live like this forever.

Remember: You cannot change other people...only yourself!
Good luck.

Answer 5

Hi, if you have already tried counciling and its not working then yes i would say its time to split up. A relationship has to work both ways not just one way. U have to do what is good for yourself and the baby. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. Get out of it and start new. Dont deny him visitation rights with his son. And dont feel like u need to be with him because of your son. Your baby feels the tention too.

Answer 6

Well you never heard a man talk like that to his wife because you don't live in other people's homes.
No one knows what goes on in a marraige except the two people in it.
I say if it is as bad as you make it sound then get out now your still young the baby is young enough not to feel the pain of divorce.
Usually I say stay but your case is different I feel it I am kind of phycic when it comes to things.
He is not the one for you

Answer 7

Jenn, it sounds to me that he has many anger issues and they were brought into the marriage. Do you love him still? If so, do you think he would go for anger management classes? I mean, do not allow yourself to be guilted! He is the one with anger issues! Obviously, he has brought them into your relationship and this is destroying your marriage!

Would he go to anger management for the sake of your child? I would hope so. However, to really change these kinds of behavior...it has to be him who recognizes that HE has a problem! Noone, can be forced to change! That has to come from within. I think I would rather he prove his love by doing what needs to be done! Get help, for the sake of his family.

I have no clue if you believe in God or, the power of prayer. I do! Please allow me to pray for you and for your situation as I know that this child will want his daddy. However, he deserves a daddy who represents the best ....not the worse of human nature!

Blessings to you all,
gail

Answer 8

Sounds like you've already made up your mind now all you have to do is act on it. Just make sure you get a restraining order on the bastard if he tries ANYTHING physical with you at all. I came from a really violent household and once it starts it NEVER ends until someone leaves or is dead.

Answer 9

You sound like you are not sure what you want. Do you want to leave your husband? Do you want to work things out? If you want to leave your husband, fine. Do it. If you want to work things out, agree to counseling and see how well he holds up. I have dealt with a lot of verbal abuse from my husband. We are both committed to making our marriage work. It doesn't mean he's perfect and hasn't said anything abusive lately. If you or your husband aren't committed to making it work, then all you are doing is delaying the inevitable. Best of luck.

Answer 10

he's controlling you, he doesnt belive you when you tell him to stop talking to women online becuz he already has 6 times and nothing happened. he sounds egotistical to know that no women will leave him.
if you leave, it will be hard and he will probably annoy the he** out of you for a year or so but evuntually he will move on and find someone else. I'm not encouraging divorce, but if you stay you will need to think of a way to assert yourself more in the relationship to let him know that you will not stand for him to yell and say hurtfull things to you