Question about wife and infidelity?

Question

my wife had an affair. i'm sure of it. everything points to it. thing is she got pregnant (after wanting a baby sooooo badly) and immediately decided she wanted an abortion. on the way back from after the abortion i think she was feeling guilty about everything and kept saying to me "please don't ever leave me" which i told her i wouldn't. after the abortion, she freaked out emotionally and just went nuts on me and my son from a previous marriage. then she packed all her stuff and left. do you think she left me because she just couldn't deal with what she had done and i reminded her of it. nothing makes sense. then she filed some real nasty crazy stuff about me in divorce court. it is just so weird that the woman that said "please never leave me" two months later left me, freaked out, and filed nasty stuff against me. can anyone explain this? all she would have to do is say she was sorry to me for doing what she did and i would have forgiven her. i loved her that much. now what? I’m leaving her alone but I still love her. if she would just tell me the truth about what happened, I’d forgive her but now I have to fight her in court and fighting isn’t going to bring back those feelings between the two of us. I think it’s a lost cause but man I still love her even though she betrayed me.

Answer 1

she would rather get a divorce than admit to what she did, because it not only involved cheating, but conceiving a child by another man and the child she wanted so badly is now dead. she obviously is with the other man, and u can't figure her out, or take her back unless u want more of the same. just because u love a person doesn't mean they are good for u. it might very well be that she is ashamed and her conscience has gotten the better of her and she just feels she has to walk away so she won't have to come clean with it. if she walks away she won't have to ever worry about being confronted. sometimes we don't understand why things happen, but your actually lucky she left u, and it will be best if u just try to get out of this with as much dignity as u can. u have a choice here, and u deserve better in life than this.

Answer 2

First of all let me start by saying you are a good man. I have been in her shoes, I recently left my husband too. First of all trust your gut feeling. If you think she was having an affari then she probably was.
For her to get an abortion after wanting a baby tells you that the baby was most likely not yours, so that is why she did it. After a woman has an abortion, her hormones are totally crazy and the guilt along must have been killing her, and could you imagine wanting to talk to someone and having no one who you can talk to? It is devastating for a woman.
The nasty stuff she filed in court was just to make herself feel better or make her self look better on paper, that's all.
Here is where I am sure is she:
Can we say CONFUSED?? She has Guilt, major Guilt about you, the baby and the affair. The best advise that I could give you is, give her time and then be her friend. Don't EVER judge her because she is most likely her own worst critic!
This is a tough situation, my friend.... If you truly love this woman, be there for her. No matter how bad the outcome hurts you, try to be the better person.

Best of luck!

Answer 3

Why we humans do what we do only God really knows. Your wife may have been struggling with some deep rooted issues from her past for a very long time. Like the lack of love, support, the presence of her father, etc. Though you 'are' her spouse, there was something missing within herself that made her seek outside the marriage that she probably hoped you would be able to fulfill. Whatever the emptiness, self-love, self-esteem, self-respect and the other positive things about oneself, drove her or drew her into the arms of another man that may have resembled her father or what she hoped her father would be like if she had grew up with him in the home. The other man doesn't really matter because 'she' is the one that took the vows. True love, which much of the human race lacks, covers a multitude of faults. True love encounters both joy and pain, laughter and heartache. Most people quickly will bail out when things get ugly and hard for them. Then why would they vow 'for better or for worst?' They vow the traditional vows without doing research on what the vows truly mean. Anyway, the guilt, the shame, and all that other stuff she is and will continue to deal with is going to be a mountain of a burden to carry. Seek out a good lawyer before she takes everything you have as she already ripped out your heart. Seek professional counseling for yourself. Whether or not you two get back together, YOU have to take care of yourself because no one else will. Still forgive her even if she never sincerely asks for your forgiveness. By doing so, you will free yourself from anger and vengeance. Still love her because you love her, but being out of the circle right now will work in your favor. Why? Because, you probably will get a better view of what was going on or not going on in your marriage. And if it comes to she wasn't mature enough for the responsibilities that come with marriage, then pray and ask Him for direction. Just because two people love one another that doesn't mean they are the right marriage partner for each other. So, trust God, think through all your options and then step forward. Best to you.

Answer 4

Women, can't live with 'em and murder is illegal in all 50 states. J/K (just trying to bring a little levity to this topic)

I would have to think its a lost cause, regardless of why it occurred.

We all too often wonder why people do the things they do, instead of focusing on whats needed to do in order to pick up the pieces and move on.

Would you have forgiven her? Yes. Would she have done it again? Most likely.

All I can say is work on being the best father and person you can be, and people will be attracted to you. People, like bugs, are attracted to the light. Maybe its time to go the gym, possibly the mall and pick up some new duds.

Lets get that light shining a little brighter, you never know what you'll attract.

I hope you have a safe and happy holiday this Christmas and I wish you the best in the future, no matter how it turns out with this obstacle in life.

Keep you head up my friend.

Answer 5

no one can explain the truth except your wife. but as for everything you have explained, your deductions fit the bid. a wife aborting a child points to the child not being the husband's. what reason did she give you for the abortion?

and yes.. usually in relationships, the one worried about being cheated on, is the person that does the cheating. have you ever seen the HBO series in Dane Cook's comedy routine. there is a joke there that highlights that.

and yes... for her to talk the worst things about you in divorce court is just her trying to justify herself. she knows she is wrong but doesn't want to take the responsibility.

now what? you still love the girl you fell inlove with. that is clearly not her anymore through all that she's shown you. she wants a divorce, let her. the time alone may prove useful. if she moves on, its her choice. there is not much you can do, but focus on yourself. you probably don't love her, but you just feel bad circumstances ended up the way they were.

why love someone that doens't respect you?

Answer 6

Sounds like she feels really guilty for having an abortion and maybe the unbalanced hormones of being pregnant caused her to react in an unhealthy manor.... Did you ever ask her if she had an affair or why she wanted an abortion ?... also, has she always been mentally unstable..... if so, she needs to get help and all you can do now is love her , if only from a distance..... love does not have to turn to hate... it is a decision....

Answer 7

Tough question man. Its hard cause she is really emotional for what ever reason weather it be for abortion or her cheating. Maybe shes mentally sick and needs help. You love her but you need to move on. You need to live for you and your boy and if its meant to it will. After a while the hurt goes away and youll meet other people that make you feel just as happy! Just thank you lucky stars you didnt have the kid and she freak out on you like this.

Answer 8

She has not been totally honest with you and now she hates herself for it. Hormones go haywire after an abortion and this has added to her distress. She obviously appreciated the support you gave her, but has chosen to leave you anyway. She probably had some very strong feelings for someone else and that has all gone wrong too.

You don't have to fight her, try to find some harmony, but truly it seems to me that you may love her, but her feelings towards you are not that straightforward. Talk with her face to face, tell her you want what is best for her, that is a sign of true love. If she has cheated then she has lost respect for you. She may feel that you are a walk-over.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry!!

I think you are in pain and looking for answers that you will never get. I know its no consolation but the truth is that you may never know what is going on with your wife.
Work on healing yourself and being there for your son.
Your wife lost a great man, cause' as you said you loved her.
She's confused, so let her be confused but without you.

Best of luck!

Answer 10

Wow- if every woman in America had a husband like you, we'd all be happy. You sound like a great guy and you really don't deserve this treatment. I know you love her, but look at this as a blessing in disguise. You will meet someone who will be even better for you. Best of luck to you.