I think my dad is cheating on my mom?

Question

My parents have been together for 10 years and my dad had a previous marriage before her.And my dad who is usually nice but the other day he came home drunk and yelled and started a fight with my mom about bills and things. And I have been looking at what he has been googling and he has been googling porn and dating websites....

I dont want to tell my mom but I think that is it neccasary. But first I want to tell my sister. My family hasnt been very happy lightly if you know what I mean.. Please help. I know I know why was I looking at his stuff but it hurts me that he would do that.


Can you help me here are my 2 questions.

How Do I tell my sister??
How do I handle this!?

Answer 1

Make something "accidently" come up from his searches when she is in the room and act dumb. Say "what is this!" so she will come look.

Answer 2

I was in the same position as you and kept my mouth shut. I wish I hadn't. First, you need to be absolutely certain of what you are finding - make sure it's accurate and make sure it's him before you blow the whistle on his activities.

There are 2 reasons your mother needs to be aware of the situation -
1. the obvious - this is unfair to her and even if he isn't physically cheating, he is probably getting close. I think that the dating sites are more of an indication of that than the porn sights. Some guys just peruse the porn sites without acting out.
2. She needs to know that he is doing it in a way that it has come to your attention. I am assuming that you are a minor in which case, his indiscretion is totally inappropriate. It is way out of line that he should do anything of a sexual nature that would come to your attention.

I don't recommend you discussing this with your sister - it would just make things more chaotic. Just let your mother know quietly and leave it up to her to deal with him.

Good luck sweetie - this is never easy.

Answer 3

Tell your mom and let her handle the situation, she will know what she has to do. Let her tell your sister. Don't make things harder for you, they are already harder and the sooner you do something, the better will be, same as the truth to come up because the truth is the only way to go.

Don't worry on telling your sister and make things more complicate, you will only get more confuse and confuse your sister and her reaction is unknown at this point. Go straight to your mom who has everything is necessary to handle this situation and she will do it in the right way, because that's why she is a mom and she is prepared and mentally strong for this kind of things.

Answer 4

First off, this isn't your problem to "fix". Your parents need to face the reality that they are having problems and see a councilor.
You need to have a conversation with your parents about facing the reality of the situation. I'm sure they both know they have a problem, but may not know what to do about it.
They have to decide what to do about the situation, and act like adults.
Don't be confrontational, be supportive, and don't come at your dad with "I know you've been looking at porn...." because that will probably make him shut down.

This is an issue between your parents and you need to be careful to let them know you are saying something because you care about them, and want to see them work this out between themselves.

You may also want to run away with the circus before things get ugly!

Answer 5

Look at the facts.

FACTS:
Looking is not doing - FACT
He looked at porn site - FACT
He looked at dating site -FACT

Possible reasons:
He's cheating - ???
He's frustrated with his marriage - ???
He's going over his options - ???

Proof:
NONE

To tell your sister anything right now may such cause her emotional pain for no TRUE reason.

I would keep an eye out and observe a little longer and maybe even talk to your father.

People jump to conclusions too easily.

Answer 6

First of all, stay out of it. This is your parents buisness and should not be left up to you to say anything. Leave it alone. I encourage you to talk to your sister only if you need a sounding board. I mean honestly honey these are grown up problems and not something for you to worry about. I am sure you can talk to your mom and let her know how you feel about her and your dad arguing in front of you. But I really think your mom is a smart lady who may already know what your dad has been up to. GOod luck

Answer 7

If he is just looking at porn and dating sites it doesnt mean hes cheating just yet, but he may be thinking about it. I would tell your mother about it, but don't say anything to your sister, let your mother handle that.

Answer 8

I caught my mom having an affair after she and my father were married 20 years. It was heartbreaking and devastating, but I kept my mouth shut, I didn't want to get in the middle. I knew eventually it would all come out in the end, and it did...she left and now everything is getting better.
Good luck, I'm sorry you have to go through this, but it will get better

Answer 9

Talk to your sister...maybe she has seen something as well...don't tell your mom unless your 100% sure something is going on...become your own PI and see what you can find. One thing you can do is go onto one of the dating sites he's using and set up an account using a fake name and age....then try to set up a date with him and if he does tell you mom about it...maybe have her meet him instead of you...then he's busted!!

Answer 10

First of all, you DON"T tell you sister. You also DON'T tell your mother. Chances are she already knows. The only thing you should do is talk to her and your dad about how their fighting and him coming home drunk is affecting you.