Last night I kind of fooled around with my roomie (bi girl), i didnt kiss her or have sex with her or anything, we just..I dont want to get explicit and describe what we did but it wasnt NOTHING yet it wasnt anything at the same time, so I dont know if I shoud consider it cheating or not, i love my gf so much and I allready feel so guilty, I don't know what to do...me and her have been on and off the whole year and just in sept decided to be in a open relationship even though I havent done anything with anyone else until last night BUT it was the worst timing ever because in the last month me and my gf have never been closer and more in love!
This is really bad....I dont know, I'm freaking a bit....I dont even like my roomie, I dont have feelings for her but I'm slightly attracted to her...and I had a bit too much to drink last night (even though thats not an excuse) so argh..what should i do? Should I let my gf know what happened last night or forget about it and never do it again?
2007-12-21 08:59:19 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I really DO love her but we've been talking about experimenting with other people and it was an open relo but the kind where u say its open coz ur scared to close it but at the same time u dont do anything with anyone else, and I dont WANT to anyway and I dont think I even wanted to last night, there is really no excuse as to why I fooled around with my roomie and I'm just glad that i didnt kiss her or anything like that, all i did was give her a sensual back massage basically while she was on top of me,and maybe touched her boobs a few times :( it was quite sexual i supose but i didnt want to go any further then that, so I dont know what to consider that as, just random play that isnt really cheating coz we were both drunk and sleeping in the same bed (she's staying at my house) or i should just feel **** (allready do) and punish myself for a bit and go buy my gf something really nice. i really dont know ..i feel so bad, i am so monogamus i cant believe that it happened! :(
2007-12-21 09:11:03 · update #1
I certainly can empathize with you on this one. Yes, I cheated once on someone who really loved me and I should have ended the relationship long before I told her. You are still in an open relationship, are you not? It does happen often that opening up the relationship causes that relationship to grow...and that's a good thing.
The problem you have right now doesn't have to escalate into a huge "affair" type accusation or recriminations on your part. It is a problem of conscience. I don't think you really wanted to resort to this but I may be wrong. I'm in favor of you telling your GF about this but I am also in favor of you apologizing to your roomie and telling her that this will not and cannot happen again. When you do tell your GF be prepared to lose a roomie because I don't think she'll stand for you living with her from here on out...HOWEVER...you might remind her that you are having an open relationship, tell her why you did what you did and ask her if she'd like to close the open relationship and try again...just you and her.
As for you...either figure out what you really want and if you don't have feelings for your roomie...lose the attraction, QUICK! Do not forget about this and never do it again. In the end it won't really work. It's an issue of trust despite the open relationship. Some people are simply off-limits even in an open relationship. Your roomie is one of them. Good luck!
2007-12-21 10:32:07 · answer #1 · answered by Chris B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can't say whether or not you should tell. I have come clean a few times before and it turned out good and it turned out bad. What I can say is that I don't believe that you can cheat on someone and say that you love that person. If it was nothing then you wouldn't feel guilty. Be honest with yourself first. Do you feel that if the shoe was on the other foot you would want your gf to tell you? How would you react? What would it do to your relationship? If you run through all these answers and are still unsure about coming clean then don't.
2007-12-21 17:05:08 · answer #2 · answered by axidnqc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no such thing as an open relationship. If you tell her you will pay I'm sure. I'm not saying every one cheats, allot of people do. It's not just a man thing neither. recent studies have shone that women cheat more than men by far. I have cheated and been cheated on numerous times. I think you need to come to terms with your relationship with your room mate. There is an obvious attraction there. Maybe you should act more on it or maybe not. It is not for me to decide. I know I probably would, but that is me not you. Good luck in your decision and I hope it works out for you.
2007-12-21 17:23:32 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did cheat on my husband. I did it because I was lonely and ignored for too long and someone came along who gave me attention and affection I had wanted for so long. . It's not an excuse; it's just why I did it. It might make you feel good for a little while but then I felt worse than ever!! Alcohol makes it easier to give in to temptation but I wasn't drinking.
Well, I don't think you need to tell your girlfriend because you didn't even kiss her roomie...and you were drinking. BUT....I think I'd avoid the roommate for awhile and in case anything is ever said and your gf questions you, I'd say, " I just about made a big-a** fool out of myself that night because I was drinking but thank goodness, I had enough sense to realize I didn't want to do anything stupid...and I didn't."
2007-12-21 17:14:00 · answer #4 · answered by missingora 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're in an "open relationship" right? That means you can do stuff and shouldn't have to feel bad about it. Maybe your gf is doing stuff too. If you feel really bad about it and are in love with her, I would sit her down and tell her that you love her and you decided that you don't want to be in an open relationship anymore cuz you just want to be with her. Hopefully, she will feel the same way. If not, you can keep doing what you are doing. Either way, I wouldn't tell her about what happened. As of right now, you haven't done anything wrong. If it is something that would bother her, she should just be in a monogamous relationship with you. Giver her that option, if she don't want it, just have fun.
2007-12-21 17:05:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Technically, it's not cheating if you have an open relationship, regardless of how close you are. Do you think your gf believes the "open" part no longer applies? If so, maybe you should discuss that again. If you'd like to make it more exclusive - for both of you - then tell her so. But I don't see any reason to mention the incident with your roomate outright. If it comes up, fine. If not, it happened while your relationship was open-ended. There's no reason for you to feel guilty about it.
2007-12-21 17:05:00 · answer #6 · answered by SuperN 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me if you're able to be tempted (even merely physically) then you're demonstrating a true lack of monogamy and the source for said committment: love. The Cold Feet syndrome just says that you're NOT so sure of the relationship and are looking around. You don't just "fool around" with people once you've claimed love and trust and all that unless something's not in place for you. Look at this and for GOD'S SAKE don't tell your girlfriend....that just transfers the guilt over to her and gives you a pass. Too preachy?
2007-12-21 17:06:08 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to be very popular in here with this answer but no, you shouldn't tell her.
I was in very much the same situation with my boyfriend, and I ended up telling him to relieve my own guilt. This caused him so much pain and pretty much ruined our relationship for a long time. And what did I gain from it? The selfish act of trying to relieve my guilt, which didn't work anyways. The way I look at it now is that I cheated and my penance should have been to carry around the burning daggers of guilt with me forever.
What good came of this situation? I realized I love my boyfriend more than anyone in the world. Sometimes that's what it takes.
2007-12-21 17:04:06 · answer #8 · answered by jenabel 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think about it like this.
What if I found out Kelly had done this? How would I feel? If the answer is upset... then I know I shouldn't be doing it... but of course... that does help for after the fact.
you can e-mail me if you want to talk about it... :)
'Same' thing happened to me, we were in an 'open' relationship, and in my case it brought us way closer.
It's a tough one. But no, I personally have not cheated on Kelly... I couldn't.
2007-12-21 17:22:16 · answer #9 · answered by u_fas_n8me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I did my bf at the time had been messing around wiht other guys at parties and I did it not only to get back at him but sex with him was a little one sided. Not sure looking back on it if it was a wise move. we broke up about a year later when we were both gunning for the same guy
2007-12-21 17:09:20 · answer #10 · answered by Jon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋