Me and my husband split up because he cheated on me with 2 girls (SISTERS AT THAT) He tells me that he loves me and only me and that he is so sorry for doing what he done. We have been together for 2 and a half years and we have a 18 month old baby..
2007-12-21 08:18:04 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Only god can change mens hearts..Merry Christmas
2007-12-21 08:22:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, there is a way to change him, but he has to want to change for himself. Did you break up only because of the cheating or were there other issues as well?
I don't doubt that he still loves you. I know that it's wrong for any member of a couple to cheat, but cheating does not mean that the love is gone. Mind you, I'm NOT excusing what he did at all--I'm just telling you that he probably does still really love you and is sorry for what he did. However, he does need to know that there are consequences to this...which is you guys splitting up. But if you decided that you wanted to take him back, then I think that there's a chance he would be able to learn from his mistake and change.
First of all, was he having an affair with these two sisters or was it just a one-time thing? Affair behavior is going to be harder to change than a one-time thing. That's why I'm asking.
2007-12-21 16:31:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take the knife and twist it.
Let him know how much he has hurt you. How much you are suffering but do not get back together with him.
In a couple months show him how much your life has improved without him. Tell him again how much he hurt you.
Do this for a few years.
He has not realized the consequences of his actions and he needs to pay for a long time before you can determine if he is worthy of another chance.
2007-12-21 16:32:45 · answer #3 · answered by Mable VT is thinking, kinda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
History repeats itself. And if a man or woman stray from teh relationship they are in, then they feel a lock of something. Not your fault!! If he promises to go to marriage counseling and shows that he's sorry for cheating you and your baby (if he shows he's sorry for being caught--ditch him!) our of a stable, loving relationship, than you could take him back on conditions. By no means go crawling up to him and ask him to come home. Not all men cheat and you can find a good man--they're not all taken!!
Good luck!!
2007-12-21 16:23:36 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!! The only thing you can do is change your reaction to his behaviour. He has to want to change, he has to re-establish the trust that once was there, the two of you need to go to counseling. He can not undo what has been done, but HE is the ONLY one that can prevent it from happening again. You have to decide if you can forgive him and move forward together.
2007-12-21 16:24:41 · answer #5 · answered by Mawia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, but you might be able to help him change himself. He must prove his loyalty and commitment to you and your baby. You must stay together for the child. It isn't fair for you to raise a child without two parents. If your husband is abusive, however, that's another story. It's all about the kid for the next 16 year.
2007-12-21 16:23:04 · answer #6 · answered by sandwest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy. That's a tough one. Some men change, some don't. The question is, is he worth the risk, and will you be able to trust him? You two will always be connected through your child though so you need to give yourself time and really think this one through.
Good Luck!
2007-12-21 16:55:01 · answer #7 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to be the one who is willing to change. No person can change another. I would give him tough love and tell him he either needs to be faithful or the marriage is over and really mean it. Do not be a doormat he will continue doing it again if there is no circumstances.
2007-12-21 16:21:57 · answer #8 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has cheated on you, he may do it again. He may change his ways and not do it again. Problem is you can't trust him now. Do not take his word for it. If you take him back he needs to be accountable for every thing he does, everywhere he goes and everyone he talks to. Phone records, bank accounts and on line activity, you will need full access to. Never take his word for anything always require proof.
2007-12-21 16:28:17 · answer #9 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think NO is a good answer.... "once a cheater...." As well, there are a few things you need to know and several you really need to consider....:
Only 20% of marriage with betrayal survive 2 years, and that is with both in counseling, and both wishing to save it... Sweets, 20% is an F in school, and an F in life. But, as well, dumb that you have a child so soon in your marriage...really, really dumb. However, that kid didn't ask to be born..... And in part, that really isn't your fault. Since you are likely a product of public education, we turn you guys out with zero in the way of life skills.... we don't teach you how to shop for husbands, how to plan your family, how to budget, how to resolve your disputes without rage and resentment.... we teach you nothing. And as a public school teacher, all of us have failed you, your husband and your marriage.... my deepest apologies.
So, a bit late, but here's what happened in your marriage.
Sweetie, you went from being the huss, the sexy fox, the lusty bed partner to pregger lady, and housekeeper and now, mother. And for him, he went from being the dude, the sex machine the man, the screwing king to father and provider. And no one told you that this would happen to your cozy little relationship, did they? Your little relationship turned 180 degrees!!!!!! All any of us get told is , "OHHHH we're gonna have a baaayyyyyybeeeee, ain't that sooo romantic???". and it isn't. You aren't what he married any longer, and he isn't what he was any longer, being a father with lower testosterone (he doesn't know that yet) is just the shocker. And so men run, (in your husband's case to two sister, for god's sake) or you do (some even go have affairs, and get some second lady preggers...)... and the troubles really start after the kid is born, and now this screaming third thing is in your relationship... you no longer get to think of each other, you have to get up, feed this kid, and he has to put up with your changing moods... great, huh?
Kids are not bonding, hon, they are divisive. And kids need to be planned for...lots of couples don't plan... not REALLY plan!!! We ought to teach this stuff in hs, as I said, but we don't.
I'm sure he has no idea what is going on in his head... for sure he loves you, but he doesn't know what has happened. Now you know. Now you can tell him.
Now you two need to get into counseling for a session or two, and realize that you each now must step to the plate..... this new baby deserves both parents --- parents who are prepared for the shock their relationship got: First by the addition, and secondly by his betrayal of you, your marriage, and your child together... He says he love you.... hold him to it, and make him prove it by getting help for your marriage, and your child. Take pencil and paper, hon. You two are about to learn lots.... get your money's worth and take notes. Worth every dime.
Your marriage can survive...It's an uphill battle.... betrayal is really a deal buster, hon, no doubt but again, that child deserves both parents, even if you have to bring him KICKING AND SCREAMING INTO BEING A MAN... and it can be even stronger. It will take a long time for you to again trust this bast(ard) and learn to love him again... but you each owe it to your child, who did not ask to be born into his lapse of masculinity.
2007-12-21 17:19:22 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I believe in a second chance. But not if he has cheated twice. So in this case, he did, with 2 girls. So I would say no, he is beyound help.
2007-12-21 16:31:06 · answer #11 · answered by Jessica C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋