I want my husband and I to try "swinging" How do I tell my husband? How do I get him to want to do it too?

Question

Since he's a guy, won't he want to sleep with other girls?

Answer 1

First off, let me say that I identify as polyamorous rather than a mainstream swinger, so my perspective is probably a bit different (the two approaches tend to be a bit different though some people identify with both). Since you talk about swinging, I'm going to approach your question from that perspective -- seeking recreational partners rather than additional romantic partners. Until you actually hear from someone "in the Lifestyle," I'll offer what advice I can.

The first thing I'd advise is that you try to let of of the idea of "getting him to want to do it." If he does it just to make you happy, you're running a greater risk that your activities will actually drive a wedge between you. For this to work, you'd both need to be in one accord with this.

Do you have any indication that he might be interested in this kind of thing? Any interest in threesome porn? Have you had a non-monogamous past? If so, have you shared it with him (and if so, what was his reaction?)? Has HE had a period of non-monogamy in his past?

I'd recommend doing a lot of research with a "Lifestyle" group in your area (or just outside of your area). The reason is that in such a group, you are more likely to find people experienced with the challenges that people face and they'll be able to help you anticipate and deal with them. If you were to experiment with someone else very new to it all, you're more likely to encounter misunderstandings and other problems.

By connecting with an established group/community, you two would be able to "test the waters" without a lot of pressure. I've never been to a mainstream swinger event, but at the more private "Play Parties" I've attended, it is very common for couples to be only with each other--especially their first few times. You'll be able to see what the two of you are comfortable with. Since he will be the one newer to the idea, be sure to go at his pace, according to his comfort level.

As you implied in your message, your first play may probably be best as an added woman. That way he would be able to experience the environment first and will hopefully have fewer feelings of insecurity/jealousy when it is your turn with another man.

Finally, above all. If this is to "FIX" a problem in the marriage, Do Not Do It. People in the lifestyle almost universally agree that doing this to "fix" a marriage will only hasten its end (the same holds true for polyamory). Couples who engage in the Lifestyle do so to enhance the bond they already have. They have to have a high level of communication, honesty, trust, and respect for each other.

Good luck with whatever path the two of you decide.

Answer 2

You can't get him to "want to do it" if he doesn't want to. What you can and should do is talk to him about your desires, what it is about swinging that interests you and why. If you aren't sure how to bring it up, one suggestion would be to rent a couple of porn movies that fit the scenario you'd like to see happen (or go online and find some stories that match to read to him at bedtime). Or you can just say "hey I ran across such and such online (or saw it on Oprah) and I thought it was interesting what do you think?".

And no, the fact that he is a guy in now way means he wants to sleep with other women, any more than the fact that you are a woman should mean that you want to be monogamous for the rest of your life.

Answer 3

If you have that kind of relationship him sleeping with another woman would be the easy part. It's him accepting the idea of you sleeping with another guy your going to have to sell him on. Most couples couldn't pull it off because of a normal amount of jealousy we each usually have.

Some people have been happily married for years and enjoy swinging. My advice to you would be find a couple that you know that swing and ask them how they started. Just remember your husband may not be willing or interested. He may even be upset your thinking about it bringing up feeling of inadequacies.

Good luck, I couldn't do it.

Answer 4

You can start by being a little flirty with another girl in front of him. Then maybe a little touchy feely and/or kissy kissy. See how he reacts. Listen to him afterwards if he has anything to say. If he says nothing, be very careful in prompting him for feedback. depending on how approving he is, you may or may not decide to take it further.

Next step might be to get him comfortable with touching another woman in front of you. Grab her breasts, then put his hand on her breasts. Again, see how he reacts.

Then there's the whole part with getting him to agree to let another guy touch you. Not sure how to approach that one. You'll have to listen to someone else's advice for this.

Answer 5

My wife and I are into swinging. More specifically, she is a hotwife. Defined, it basically means she sleeps with other guys, but only when I am present, and I do not have the desire to sleep with other women. I normally participate as well, so she enjoys the attention of 2 men. As well as gives both of us pleasure. We have been doing this for a short time, and so far, everything seems to be ok. Our key is communication, and total honesty. I can see how, and I know of couples that were not as lucky as we have been. My advice is to talk to your husband. He might be as willing as you are to experiment. He won't necessarily want to sleep with other women. I do not have that desire at all. Best of luck.

Answer 6

Well you could start by asking him to be with you and another women. After that. tell him how you would like to try it with another couple. If he says no. Get a divorce. I'm just kidding. About the divorce

Answer 7

Be open and honest at all times. You will hear horror stories about this, but those can be avoided through open, honest, frequent communication.

Further, if he is not into it, don't push. That will cause problems

Answer 8

Stick to 1 on 1 with husband, just to many things can go wrong with swinging

Answer 9

Just be honest and ask him straight up... The only thing is, that it's not always best to bring a third party into the marriage. someone usually always ends up cheating with that person on a continous basis...

Good Luck

Answer 10

My wife surprised me a month ago, her best friend was staying over night and she suggested we invite her into the bedroom with us for some fun. Everything was very exciting and there was no hard or ill feelings after we finished. So my advice is to talk to your hubby when your in bed and see if he would help you fulfill your fantasy.