Married 12yrs,7yr daughter,he moved out because of unhappy,depressed. Its been 3weeks since hes gone, I pleded for him not to go. He says he loves me but not in love w me anymore. His mom is coming for xmas and staying in our home we own together and i live in. He has not told her we are sep hes afraid to. Yet he wants to stay in the house and sleep upstairs while his mom visits. should i let him?
2007-12-21 06:05:02 · 61 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he just wants to stay during the time his mom is here, he has not indicated he wants to move back. He wants to have sex with me but i say no. he gets that is we get back together.
2007-12-21 06:10:03 · update #1
No. Out of respect for her politely, discreetly and diplomatically tell your MIL about the situation. Give her the opportunity to change her plans if she needs to.
Apparently, your husband knows his mother would disapprove of what he's done. Why make it easy for him to be a coward? I'm sure that his mom has some idea of the kind of son she helped to raise.
Adults are expected to face the consequences of their actions. Hubby, it's time to grow up!
2007-12-21 06:08:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 1⤋
Do you want your husband back?? Decide right now. He only just left 3 weeks ago and he's willing to keep up the "charade" for the sake of his mother. Well, you may have a fighting chance then at getting him back. If you want him back, then tell him yes, and then when he comes over, don't pressure him one single time about the marriage. Try to remember what it was like when you first got married or were first dating. Try to just be happy, friendly and don't pressure him or be negative/sad/depressed. Create a stress free, peaceful environment (even though I';m sure it's killing you on the inside because what he's done has broken your heart)
Your husband may be going through a mid life crisis, and right now how you respond is going to be crucial. Immediately go to www.divorcebusters.com and post this question over there. They will help you. Not everyone will agree with my answer, and that is ok. This is only for people who are willing to do anything/everything to get their marriage back. If you are done with him, then by all means tell him to go stay at Motel 6, but if you're willing to fight check out the website and good luck!
2007-12-21 06:22:53 · answer #2 · answered by mamaR 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What? 3 weeks before Christmas? No way. If he was low enough to do that, he shouldn't be allowed back in. Especially due to a child being there as well. Now I know you may think the opposite - that because of the child he SHOULD be allowed back in - but it's not fair to you or her unless he stays permanently. And he can't tell his mom? He's a big boy. If he made the decision to leave, he shouldn't be able to fess up to anyone. It was his decision, not yours. He either has to fix things right or not at all. You can't play half a game right & cheat at the other half. My parents were divorced - & not because of my mom - when I was 8 so I know. Your daughter is going to get really confused if he plays come-&-go games. It's really going to mess her up. trust me on this. He's either gotta straighten up 100% or hit the road.
2007-12-21 06:11:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No! Man enough to mess up a marriage but not man enough to come clean with his Mom! Get real! Tell this adolescent that your daughter comes first and his mixed messages to her will confuse and upset her. Either he is a man of conviction i.e. he is depressed blah blah or he is a user! And he is using your affection and the love of his daughter to bail him out a tricky situation with MOM.
Tell him he has 48 hours to tell his mother of the true situation or you will. You owe it to your daughter to protect her and her sanity from this yo-yo man. And I believe that his mother will appreciate frankness on this matter. You would be involving her in his deception, otherwise. Seek her help. she has known her son for a lot longer than you. You may be pleasantly surprised at her support. I can't believe he could be so callous to you and his daughter!
I know it is very trite but have the best Christmas you can for you both.
2007-12-21 06:16:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no you shouldn't for many reasons, the first one being you should not get your daughters hopes up like that if she sees that daddy's home she will get excited and then be confused just to see him leave again thats not right to do to a child. The second reason is for safety reasons you can never be too safe these days not saying your husband is a murderer or anything but today so many women are killed by there ex's that you can never be too safe... The third is that his mother will have to find out sooner or later it might as wel be now if he plans on staying seperated from you! You need to stand up for yourself mama and tell him No!
2007-12-21 06:11:41 · answer #5 · answered by oliviasmommy613 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No way! Think about your daughter. If she understands that you two are separated why put on a show for the holidays and for the mother in law. Be real and let her know. Let him come and enjoy the day but not to stay over night. It may only confuse your daughter.
2007-12-21 06:12:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. He faces up to his decisions like a man on his own whether he likes it or not. Shows right there he's got issues if he is this old and can't face his mommy. Absolutely not. In fact, you should just call your mother in law and kindly tell her what the situation is. Don't make it like it is his fault or whatever, just let her know what is going on in a nice way. That way it is all out in the open and because you have gone about it kindly, there is nothing he can say. You need to make sure she knows that she is your kid's granny and she is still welcome.
2007-12-21 06:10:03 · answer #7 · answered by CB 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I Cor 7:10 - "A wife is not to depart from her husband and a husband is not to divorce his wife."
Consider this:
telling his Mom - he's afraid to because she'll set him straight.
His Mom will take your side most likely
if you want him back, be very kind, charming, caring
if you want him back, don't argue or bring up bad stuff
if you want him back, cook his favorite foods
if you want him back, keep your house clean & fresh smelling
Keep this together - your daughter needs both of you
Daughter might tell Grandma anyway
Invite your minister over
Get you & your daughter in church, he may join you
Recommend reading:
Divorce Busting
Fascinating Womanhood (google websites)
Joy to you!
2007-12-21 06:17:26 · answer #8 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello sweetie absolutely not if he was man enough to walk off and leave you and his daughter then he should be just as much a man and call his mother before she gets there and tell her the truth.He does not want her to know he is such a jackass ,stand firm hon you could not keep him from leaving but you do have control over this situation exercise it Happy Holidays to you and your baby.
2007-12-21 06:26:45 · answer #9 · answered by Back Field In Motion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if you feel his unhappiness and depression won't be an issue at Christmas time. I would tell his mom about his leaving beforehand though. Your daughter should be able to have a stress free Christmas and I would consider her feelings first and foremost.
2007-12-21 06:11:54 · answer #10 · answered by Charles WE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋