long story short....married 8 years. wife has had two affairs with co-workers. one sexual the other "emotional." Recently I have been involved with someone that wants me to leave my wife and two kids. I love my kids and can't imagine not being with them all the time. I don't know what to do?
2007-12-21 05:45:56 · 37 answers · asked by typershark 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes you do! Do the right thing and be a good father and husband!!!
2007-12-21 05:58:03 · answer #1 · answered by The Voice of Reason 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Why not love your wife and make your marriage work. Sounds to me that you are involved with someone that does not love you cause anyone that really loves someone would never of gotten involved with a married man in the first place then tell him to leave his wife and kids.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.
L ~ Listen with LOVE. Listen with your Heart.
O ~ Observant! Be Observant you might not know everything that is going on around you. Be sensitive that you might not have all the information. If you have never snapped at anyone then cast the first stone. Be Observant cause you might know or not know what someone is going through so give some slack.
V ~ Valuable = Everyone has value so focus on it.
E ~ Encourage! Be an Encourager.
Helpful, Thoughtful, do things for the other person without expecting to be seen or appreciated.
A true friend is someone in good times and does not show up uninvited.
But a real friend in the bad times or during a crisis shows up to help uninvited.
2007-12-21 06:03:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you want to leave the marriage don't use the kids as your reason to stay. Both you and your wife are not satisfied with each other as people thus the cheating on both parts. I'm not saying once a cheater always a cheater that has yet to be proven but ....Never the less if you are not happy and she is not happy you need to split. If you do don't commit to this women who wants you to leave your wife for her because there is a good chance you'll find yourself in the same situation with her down the road. She has already proven that she has no problem with being with a married man, she might even like it because of the challenge of the pursuit. But once she has you full time (although she may think that is what she wants) guess what the pursuit and the thrill is gone. So make yourself happy so you can raise happy kids but watch out for the adults in you life.
2007-12-21 06:07:24 · answer #3 · answered by Zakiya W 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately it's always the kids who suffer most when a relationship fails and the only thing adults can do is try to minimize their suffering. It sounds like you and your wife gave up on the marriage a long time ago. All that holds the 2 of you together are your children and a piece of paper at this point. Neither of you were right to have an affair but it's done and there's nothing anyone can do about it now. All you can do is proceed with a divorce and try to put the children ahead of any petty anger you might have towards one another. I've always said that staying in a bad marriage "for the kids" is never a good thing. Children learn how what a good r'ship looks like by looking at their parents. If they grow up with a bad example, it's natural for them to think that's how all r'ships are because that's all they've ever known. Kids who grow up in this type of negative environment usually go on to just make the same r'ship mistakes their parents made. Do you really want that to be a legacy you hand to your children? If you have boys, they need to know how a lady should be treated. If you have girls, they need to know it's NOT ok for them to stay in a bad marriage or r'ship. While the short term may be difficult for the kids, the long term will be better for them.
2007-12-21 05:52:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
This sounds like u both are avoiding responsibilities. Yea like the others said, the kids will suffer.
Both of u need to get control over ur wandering eyes & grab each other's hand if u want anything lasting. If U get into this pattern, tomorrow u both will leave these people & be in some else's arms. The story keeps going. . .
Distress for everyone in the story.
2007-12-21 06:09:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me if this woman you are involved with really loved you, she wouldn't want you to leave the kids. Maybe your wife, but why the kids?? What did they do? You see---you may want to leave your wife (and why not, she cheated on you twice) but WHY would you want to leave your kids? Did they cheat on you twice?? Seems like there must be an option C. I don't know what it is, but if it were me, I wouldn't want to be dating someone who thought leaving my children was a grand idea. Of course, I could say break off the affair but everyone else is already saying that. So how about have an affair with someone who doesn't have it out for your children?? Let's face it, any one who suggests walking out on your kids is NOT going to be a keeper.
2007-12-21 06:14:30 · answer #6 · answered by mamaR 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can either break up and deal with the fact you will not see your kids as often, or you can set them up with a bad example of a relationship that could possibly taint their ability to have a positive one later in life.
Either work it out with your wife, or be honest and end it.
By the way, I am a divorced father who remarried. It is not the easiest thing in the world, but at least my son is now seeing his father in a loving and caring relationship full of respect and dignity. The truth is, kids adapt and accept over time new situations as long as they are truly loved.
2007-12-21 07:02:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, do whatever it takes to stay with the kids and at least keep some sort of semblance of the marriage together, for their sake.
What you really have, and want to have, is what is referred to as an "open relationship."
Your wife has had affairs, and you're having one now. Why not just give each other permission to continue to do so?
Clearly there is something lacking in the relationship for both of you to have gone elsewhere, and unless there can be a real turnabout in the dynamics between you two, you can't really have a "conventional" marriage.
You want her to be happy, you want to be happy, and evidently you both feel that affairs outside the marriage are something you want to do.
So, legitimize it. Give her permission to do whatever she wants, she gives you the same.
Not perfect, I know, but it will keep the marriage and children together and let you both do what you want.
And who knows, if you're able to share your experiences with your other partners, that might rekindle something that is missing.
"Cheating" is an ugly word - if you've got permission to do it, it's not cheating. Deception and lying are just games you're playing,
Be adult, sit down and talk it over, and keep the welfare of the kids as the number one priority.
Good luck!
Get rid of that element, and perhaps things will
2007-12-21 06:08:29 · answer #8 · answered by jasper addleton 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off if you love your kids then this person should not want to leave your wife and kids, but your wife. Second your wife will never changes. If you turn toward divorce you need to get full custody of the kids. Your sounds like a selfish person. Hopefully everything will work out for you. Good luck!
2007-12-21 05:55:24 · answer #9 · answered by leahcane 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What you and your wife SHOULD do is both grow up, commit to each other, and be a family along with your kids. But that's not going to happen is it. Time to separate and learn to live with partial custody of your children.
You both were the ones who were irresponsible with your duties to the family. You have been seeking romance outside the marriage despite the fact that you have obligations not only to each other but to your children as well. You want your kids to be with you because you are selfish. You want to have your cake and eat it too. Completely selfish indeed. Look what kind of morals and practices you are teaching these kids.
Time to grow up and start making some smart choices and wise decision.
2007-12-21 06:01:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
beloved~ this is easy...repent. You both have been unfaithful to God. He will forgive you, if you forgive each other.
Trying to get somewhere with no directions can have you wind up lost...(even after 8 years). Despite the common thought that the Bible is this antiquated outdated book, it holds the key to showing you how to love your wife completely. It will teach her how to give you the respect you need. It will show you how to strengthen your marriage.
I encourage you (as the head of your home) to take your wife's hand and seek God together. My husband didnt know how to be a husband or a father. The wonderful person he is today is because he submitted himself to God and started reading the 'directions' God gives.
We will keep you both lifted in prayer~
2007-12-21 05:58:44 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋