What can i do in this situation. My wife is completely disrespecting me. She says it's my fault.?

Question

We got married on 07/07/07. Just 5 1/2 months ago. Two weeks ago Monday she told me she was going to go shopping with a single cop she is co-workers with. I told her that I wouldn't be real comfortable with that, as I was already mad that she was going back and forth on myspace with him. Like a light switch, she has completely changed since then. Now I am controlling who her friends are and whom she is allowed to go out with. She now has brought up every negative thing about me and says I don't listen to her needs. She has been going out every night, staying out till 3:00 am or staying the night at friends. She has changed her myspace status from married to swinger. I saw on her phone bill hundreds of text messages to this cop. We have a house together and everything was normal just two weeks ago. She doesnt want to go to counseling. She is completely afraid of confrontation, so she can't even have a civil conversation about it. Im ready to quit, but I love her. ????

Answer 1

Confused? Being screwed would be a better name for what is happening to you. I bet you jumped the gun and got married along with thousands of other people on 7/7/7 because she thought it was cool or would be a good luck thing. Now you are finding out the luck has no place in a marriage. You should only get married and make babies with someone you really know and understand and that in order for that to happen you need to first understand yourself. You screwed up and now she is definetly having an affair. Do not be confused about that. SHe wants her freedom back to now go after something new she thinks she wants. She was to immature to get married and like I said I would bet she rushed you.

Save what is left of your life and get out. Save your self respect and your ability to trust another person and get out.

You have already lost her, and I don't think you lost much.


Yoda out

Answer 2

You don't have to have confrontation. You can calmly talk about it. Your gesture about controlling who she sees and such was very damaging. Likely she is doing this to defy you and show that you have no control.

You might show disintrest and suggest that if she really likes this cop better than you just be honest and suggest that you have a separation prior to divorce.

You cannot control another person. Slavery went out in 1865. She is a person and she does have a right, married or not, to recreation with friends. Better you be a part of it that put yourself outside the circle.

Suggest you go with her and have a nice night out. You have to look at the situation before and after and carefully think about what went wrong and when. This think about why.

When you make ultimatums you are drawing a line and demanding a yes or no compliance with the terms of the confroontation. Inevitably this will bring defiance and confrontation. She is testing your stamina and resolve. She may be signaling for trust and companionship.

Youa re doing something that is driving her to this other guy - Change course, matey, your ship is heading for the rocks.

Do not confront. Talk smooth, ask her to tell you what is going wrong. Make no promises because your actions will speak louder than words.

You have to get to the root cause of this trouble and smooth it out quickly because the longer it goes the more daring she will become and the less chance for recovery.

You might even talk to the guy and see what he thinks about the situation but you MUST NOT, get angry or demanding. Listen when he talks, Listen carefully. He may give you a clue that will save your marriage.

This is an emotional situation but the worst thing that can happen is to get tempers going, make accusations about who did what and why and say hurtful things that will only make matters worse. Be cool, telly our wofe that you likely have hurt her and want to make things right. then let he do the talking. No matter what she does - do nothing, say nothing that will cause anger of accusations. Keep your cool. Above all do not make demands. It is this that has driven her away.

Answer 3

Whatever you do, don't get her pregnant. What would be worse than what you are going through yourself, would be having a child have to witness what goes on and that's not fair to bring a child into this situation. Don't be one of those "a baby will fix it" people because children shouldn't be born to fix a relationship. Plus she is staying out in bars every night til 3am?She'd be a horrible mother anyway.
From what you have typed, I'm 99% sure she is cheating on you sorry. Try going to counseling if she doesn't want to do that and still contiues to behave that way, then I think you should leave. I know you love her but you don't deserve to be treated that way. Another thing, have YOU ever done anything similar to her? What I mean by that is have you ever cheated on her and treated her the way she is treating you now?Sometimes women have a way of paying you back for things you do by acting out back at you. I AM NOT excuseing her behavior I'm just asking you an honest question.

Answer 4

She doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you. She may have acted like everything was normal a couple weeks ago, but the truth is that you were fooled. She deceived you. She agreed to a relationship that she does not have the willpower or desire to seriously commit to. Sorry it happened, but that's just how people are sometimes (both men and women). She changed, and there's not much you can do about it. Don't bother trying to win her back. She may act like that's what she wants, but it's not. That's just an excuse she uses to go do what she wants. And you know what she wants: to screw around with other guys. Don't let her walk allover you like that. Never let any woman do that to you. Just go ahead and leave her. Maybe she'll grow up a bit, but it won't be over night. She still has some screwing around to get out of her system before she will be ready for the kind of relationship you desire. Let her go, and maybe someday she will come back and you will be willing to take her back... maybe.

Answer 5

THis goes far beyond disrespect. At 6 months into the marriage you should still be in your "honeymoon" phase. Instead she is being an absolute skank, cheating on you, treating you like dirt. Just how long do you think your love will survive?

Leave now! Cut your losses before you have kids. Oh and by the way, she is not afraid of confrontation, she is being deliberately aggressive and taking the offense in order to make this seem like your fault. It isn't!

I don't care what your faults are, nobody is perfect. That has no bearing on her dishonest, disloyal, and reprehensible behavior. Sorry you got saddled with such a *itch.

Answer 6

yikes, that sounds very very bad. If you tried to control things like that from the get, I can see how that pushed her away. Nobody likes to be treated and controlled like an animal.
But, if you only started to look into your suspicions and found evidence, then that's another thing.
No matter how many times my husband has cheated on me, or done whatever to me. I would never stay out late. There has been a handful of times where he goes and plays magic and I hang with my sister and my mom until about 1 am or so. But I NEVER ever would go out without being in agreement first. Neither one of us will go out unless the other says OK. And I CERTAINLY would never find myself hanging out with a single guy!!! As a married person you have boundaries!!!
If she is not willing to change, you need to save your sanity and move on. Who wants to be a daddy to their wife? Checking email phone numbers...come on. I did that for a long while and gave up. Too emotionally draining. Plus, if they are that way, you will just keep finding things and more and more...
Decide to ignore, or decide to have better...

Answer 7

She is totally disrespecting you and your marriage. I would get on her my space and instead of swinger I would type in divorced and leave her. If she is hanging out with a cop, you have a lot to worry about. Sorry - but true. If she is doing this to you after 5 1/2 mos - you are in for a lot of problems. Good luck - I hope she sees the light but it does not look promising. How can you love someone that disrepects you so much? Nobody deserves this. I wonder how she would like it if you did this to her????

Answer 8

Hey me and my husband got married on 07/07/07 also! Supposed to be good luck numbers! But don't give up on your marriage just yet. It appears your wife is testing the boundaries within the marriage. You need to stand firm and tell her what is not tolerable. Her texting and hanging out with this cop is not something a married woman should be doing. You need to tell her that her behaviour will no longer be tolerated and you must mean it. She is testing how far she can go and it is up to you to show her, not just by words but with your actions also.

Answer 9

Insist on counseling - you are her husband, you have that right. Drag her if you have to. This is not a normal situation. Tell her it's either counseling or divorce.

And you might want to think about hiring a private investigator, anyway . . . you might need his testimony in divorce court. Changing her myspace id to "swinger" and staying out until 3 am with "friends" is a bad sign for a newlywed.

Answer 10

Ok women who have a fear of confrontation often take an angry road. This sounds very similar does it not. Look at this point give a week's worth of space and tell her how much you love her and need her in your life. Make sure she knows you lover her and that she means more to you than anything. Giving up on a marriage is like saying I'm not taking that brand new car because I'm affraid of getting a bug on the windsheild. Marriages are not easy they are worked at each day even if it as simple as telling the spouse that you love waking up next to them each morning. Once the week has past ask her if you can talk to her about something you need her help with....women love to fix problems and feel needed just like men! Once you have a calm enviornment and have her there talk to her about what's bothering you....don't attack her by saying things like "when you do this I feel like this" instead us things like "when I see this happen I feel like this" This way you aren't attacking her.
Good Luck,
Momma_Bear