Dealing with mother in law who is very controlling?

Question

My mother in law insists on me putting my 16 month old in day care when my baby is born (march). I will be home with new baby and we cannot afford daycare nor do we want daycare right now. I am presently a SAHM but not sure how long I will be one, when I am ready to go back I will..

My mother in law brought daycare up for about the 100th time the other day and I told her "NO WE ARE NOT USING DA"YCARE " We were over at her place to tell her the baby is a boy.

when I got home I was so stressed that I had menstrual like cramps and felt dizzy. Thought I was going inot preterm labor. Luckily I got the contractions to stop and I am doing better. I told my husband to ask her not to bring this up again and told him to please have his mother call him at work during the day as I no longer wish communication with her,,,at least for the duration of my time at home. Was I too bitchy? I am pregnant with raging hormones and I usually treat her with kid gloves but my health is on line

Answer 1

I'm thankful I do not have a mother or a MIL like this! These are YOUR kids, not hers. If she says anything else, ask her if she thinks you are not capeable of handling both children at once then flat out tell her you refuse to put your child in daycare as he/she benefits more from being at home with you! My daughter is 2 and has been in a form of daycare since she was 3 months old. I hate it and wish I could be a SAHM, but I feel the need to help with money making so my daughter can have not only what she needs but what she wants. She was in an at home daycare until a year because most schools charge $200 to $300 for infants a week...OUTRAGEOUS! Home daycares are awful...the last one I pulled her out of was reported to Children and Family Services for beating a child. Never again! She has been in a preschool since 1 and she loves it...she learns a lot, good and bad. Bad would be from the other children, stuff like no and spitting but I figure that would come regardless. She is a very very bright little girl and I actually do like the school thing because she learns so much and has fun! What does drive me nuts is they do not keep her clean...I've been told though that if your toddler goes an entire day without getting messy then they didn't do their job...they weren't exploring and learning. So she paints herself and wears her food...as long as she is happy, I am. I still wish I could spend more time with her...I am now expecting #2 and i think I may go from full time work to part time after maternity leave because its sad but my first was a guinea pig and I did learn a lot...I do not want my new one in a home daycare at all and I can't afford $200-$300 a week, well I could but then my pay check would go right to their care and it'd be better if I watched them! Good luck!

Answer 2

Just know that the only person she can control is herself not anyone else. If your tired of hearing her say the same thing hang up the phone. IF you need to get a few things off your chest to feel better tell her that you had a child to be a mother not pass it off on some stranger. Daycare is out and the subject is closed. Your child to decide what is best.

Happy Holidays.

Answer 3

No you are not being too bitchy. She sounds like the type of woman who is used to getting her own way, and has a hard time accepting that you will do things a different way. What an idiot she is to want you to be away from your child anyways...not to mention a waste of money if you will be at home with the other baby. Anyways, keep telling her no, and if you are able to stand up to her, tell her again and again, NO we are doing things our own way, not yours! And definitely have her call your husband at work. I probably wouldn't answer the house phone anymore if she called me! Demand what you want because there will always be someone in your family who is not happy with the way you are doing things.

Answer 4

You have every right to put an end to her daycare comments. Studies show that when the older sibling is put in to daycare right after a new baby is born, it can instill a feeling of being pushed aside or replaced. It is important for an older sibling to have a "special" activity, maybe a one day a week playdate or something, but not to be "sent away" because of the new baby. Let your mother in law know she is welcome to come one day a week to pick up your 16 month old and spend some one on one time with him/her in order to give her some special bonding time, as well as give you a "break". Remind her that the children are yours, and ultimately your decision. You may want to slide in the "are you willing to pay for that extra expense?" Furthermore, you shouldn't have to treat your mother in law with kid gloves. You have as much right to your opinions as she does to hers. My ex mother in law was rude and demeaning, and I tried for several years to just brush off her comments, and treat her with kid gloves, until she finally hit a nerve that sent me off the handle. Fortunately, I no longer had to pretend we had a good relationship, and when she had something to say which I didn't agree with, I spoke up, and over time, it was a much better situation.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with such a pushy person like this...I know what you're going through. BUT you have to set limits...and she has to understand that no matter how "well intentioned" she might be it's not any of her concern. IF she continues to continues to bring it up...just stop talking to her and do something else. Get up and leave the room if you have to. There is no point in you having to stress yourself about it. If that doesn't work then just don't go over to her house until she agrees not to bring it up...and also tell her she's not welcomed at your house until she can RESPECT your decisions. Playing nice is all well and good...but if it's affecting you enough to give you contractions you have to put your foot down. Remember that "opinions are like assho_les, everyone has one and they all stink".

Answer 6

So she says whatever she wants, irregardless that you have already told her no, and you are worried about being mean? Quit worrying. I think you did fine. Since she refuses any idea but her own, I'd not want her calling the house either. Why treat a person with kid gloves if she doesn't even respect your choices as the child's parent? I think you need to talk with your husband about his mother. She is seriously crossing the line. To suggest you can't handle your own children in your own home is just rude.

Answer 7

do not purchase her homestead notwithstanding in case you need to stay in a tent! PLEASE do not. she is poisonous. This problem merely concerns you and your husband. sometime you need to have a quiet dinner with him ( make a great deal approximately having a dinner assembly) and ask him how long he expects to stay manipulated by potential of her. ( I dont comprehend how present day present day is with regard to the demise of her different son) If he says 3 months, then enable it flow. supply that up . If he's waffling approximately it and doesnt comprehend and has no plan, then you ought to pull out a chew of paper you have arranged with some recommendations. you could physique the web site like a presentation checklist the flaws you have written above jointly with a million-telling the city how she hates her daughters in regulation 2-the certainty that different son and daughter in regulation cant stand her and don't take time for her so he's making up for their loss of time. 3-her greater controlling techniques Ask if he thinks that that's honest you may want to sufer by this. confirm to not strengthen your voice, be calm, smile and seem at it as a difficulty which you the two share ( the certainty that he called and asked you if he ought to flow to her dinner potential a minimum of he values your opinion no? so Im hoping he will see the gentle) Say you're worried that until eventually he can prepare you that there is a time cut back in this occasion along with his mom , this is going to influence your marriage greater effective than it already has. She is a selfish female who cares not for her little ones on account that if she did she could in no way want them to be pulled faraway from their very very own little families to cater to her desires. i'm sick of mothers like that. the main suitable mothers comprehend that the main suitable difficulty is letting their little ones stay their very very own lives. i'm so sorry your husband doesnt look to get it yet yet with any luck he will.

Answer 8

I hope your boyfriend is taking action like you asked him to because it is really his responsibility to make sure that you and the baby are ok and to make sure you don't get too stressed, not to mention it's his mother. Seeing that this is really affecting you, there is nothing wrong to not answer the phone, there is nothing wrong to not go there if you don't want to, there is nothing wrong with putting your foot down to your husband and saying I would prefer not to be in the presence of your mother in law if she insists on telling me how to raise my child!

When your precious baby is born, do what you see fit. Don't argue just say ok and don't do a damn thing. Sometimes the best thing is not to retaliate but stand your ground. In the meantime stay away from her and actually focus on not getting worked up because the health of your baby is more important than a bitching grandmother.

Answer 9

i hate to say this, because she certainly sounds like a nightmare, but you will not go into preterm labor because your mom in law is being obnoxious. stress, while not good for a pregnant woman, does not cause premature delivery. i think that if you and your husband are on the same page and the two of you continue to just ignore her or tell her the baby isn't going to day care, that is all you can do. it will cause infinitely more stress for you now and down the line if you tell her you won't see her. but i really do understand. when i was pregnant i wanted to kill everyone -- really. i woudl have been pulling my hair out in this situation. i snapped at every stranger who gave me any little piece of "advice." the hormones are intense, and the stress of the impending change and responsibility is jarring. take care of yourself, yes, but brace yourself: there will be more situations like these. focus on giving yourself what you need (when you are not around this woman) and taking care of that baby. it will get easier to ignore her, i promise.

Answer 10

babygirl let me tell you something if you and your mother-in-law cant get along then you go your way and do what you have to do with your baby. the hell with her excuse me cause i dont know her but she's pissing me off you're getting ready to have a baby and you dont need to be stressing behind her foolishness and she should understand that. what does your husband have to say about all this? if she doesnt want to play her part as of being the grandparent then so be it but you're going to be alright dont worry about her GOD will take care of her whether she likes it or not. Have your baby with pride and happiness try to stay away from foolishness like her and have a safe and prosperous delivery. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!!!!