what can you do if you ask for a certain kind of a life- but you dont get that- like your lifes being?

Question

controlled for you ?

for example: - ive had a hard life- nothings gone my way, i have borderline personality disorder...im 30 years old.

i live on my own in a one bedroom flat on sickness benifits.

my goals are to emigrate to europe or beyond....live in my own house...by the coast.....with a blonde or brunnette or redhead girlfriend.

but ive never had those things.....and when i ask how to achieve those things...i get told to aim for things completley different to what i want......why dont i go to india or asia ?........why dont i stay in the uk ? build a life here ?

answer:- because i dont want to....i want the things i want and thats all there is to it.
but no one gives me help or advise on how to attain these things.
they just tell me there story, and say why not stay where you are.....its like people are deliberatly disempowering me....trying to keep me where iam....where people can monitor me.....not allowing to go off & leave....because they no i would in a heartbeat

Answer 1

that is NOT a hard life.. ok so its no silver spoon, but its better than a lot of people can ever hope for.

all life is controlled, youre being very naieve if you think we have any REAL freedoms. and if youre on meds and benefit, then you aint going anywhere, are you?

dreams are fine. but the line between fantasy and delusion is indeed thin.

they chopped my legs off and gave me a wheelchair 26yrs ago. luckily i already had the gorgeous redhead and the house... but i didnt get one jot of help, bar disability benefit.

26yrs later, im still here, in a council house, still married, 2 kids, and NO debts whatsoever. last holiday was 1986, and my car is 15yrs old...

we rarely get what we want, and should be content with what we need. but in your case, get up off your a ss, and go for it. coz no one is goiing to do it for you.

and disempowering? dont be disingenuous... you are supported by the state, and the NHS. no one in this day and age from any state agencies does this, do they?

stop feeling the state owes you anything, it doesnt. its feeds you, puts a roof over your head, and gives you free medical care.. what more do you want?

you think youre hard done by here? try getting this level of support anywhere else in the world... for free.

Answer 2

Whatever funds you aquire each month, you take whatever you can from it and put it back "faithfully" and NEVER touch it. Its your goal money.

Depending on how much you can put back will determine on how long it takes you to make the move.

Another suggestion is.... for birthdays or Holidays or any thing you might receive a gift, you can request money when asked what you'd like. Add it to your goal pot. It will help you jump up here and there faster.

Is there anything you can sell? Is there any skill you can offer for a cash trade? Is their something special you can do to raise money? Anything that can help your pot grow helps you reach your dream.

Another thing. Ask yourself what it is you'd like to do once you make this move. Begin now doing things that will help you have that when the time comes. Not only will you be saving money now but also skill and knowledge for what you want to accomplish later as well. It will save you time once you make your move, in reaching the next goal. That will better establish you as well.

No matter how long it takes, never give up your dreams and they will come sooner than you first thought. Effort is key and the more that is made the closer to your dreams you will find yourself.

Gather everything you have, need and want on paper. Look at it and make decisions what you need to do or can do to get each thing. If this is hard for you, get someone to help you. As you have it laid out and move along you will see the progress, be better organized, and know just what it will take to do what. Don't just sit and feel overwhelmed, sort it out on paper and figure it out and begin getting there. The closer you get the less further it will be away......soon enough you will be living that dream. Get focused, stand firm, disapline youreself as needed and go grab the world by its ***!

Because you CAN!!

Answer 3

I say do whatever you want to do, your in complete control of your own life, no one else has the right to dictate how or where you should live, you can do anything your heart desires, so your sick I am sorry to hear that but your 30 years old and you know your limits, there is someone out there for you and if your not happy where you are than that's a good sign your not meant to be there, follow your heart and take care of yourself and prove to everyone your capable of taking charge of your own destiny. Best of luck and Happy Holidays, I hope you make it to where ever you want to be and find your dream girl.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

The negative emotional states particularly associated with BPD have been grouped into four categories: extreme feelings in general; feelings of destructiveness or self-destructiveness; feelings of fragmentation or lack of identity; and feelings of victimization. I would say you are struggling with the last two, perhaps a bit of paranoid thinking--and the desire to emmigrate and your assertion that people are deliberately tromping upon you happiness is tied in.

You are 30. No one can stop you, unless you have been imprisoned.

Since you know you have BPD, you also must know that perhaps your perceptions are not entirely realistic at all times. If you want those things, YOU figure out how to attain them. You are not a child and it is no one else's responsibility.

I would explain these feelings to your primary psychological care giver. They will best be able to judge if you are correct, or not.

Answer 6

The fact that you have borderline personality disorder tells me that you're always going to have trouble because this disorder prevents you from really accepting responsibility for your own actions. A person with this disorder will tend to blame others for their own crappy lives, which is what you are doing. No one can tell you what you should do to get what you want. No one has answers. They're not witholding information from you. THey're being honest. But your disorder prevents you from believing this. And your disorder will prevent you from having a responsible, meaningful and intimate relationship with a woman.
I've had clients who overcome their borderline disorders, but it takes hard work and lots of therapy.
Make this your priority and learn to outgrow your diagnosis.

Answer 7

I'm not going to give you examples of my life and hold you back. I will recommend that you spend time developing a plan on how to accomplish your goals. You're not stuck doing anything you don't want too. Maybe you should look into cheaps way to get up out of here and go on your own. It's something no one can really help you with.

Answer 8

Take it with a pinch of salt. Insecurity reigns, especially when young, but even middle-agers have similar scenarios. However, speaking from the depths of wisdom as a middle-ager, I strongly suggest you apply real words and spelling to your postings before you lose sight of what is appropriate for life beyond school! I guess that qts are questions? So why not short-form with the "?" ...it's also two less key strokes.

Answer 9

A lot of people have similar wishes/ambitions to your own and the only way to achieve them is through money. Moving to another country, buying a house, & medication all cost money. You'll just have to buy a lottery ticket and hope for the best. I'd wish you luck but to be honest, I'd rather I won the roll-over millions. As for a girlfriend, you'll have to accept who you are before you can expect anyone else to.

Answer 10

They are trying to let you know that you have it better than you think you do here. But you are still dreaming of flying. There's nothing wrong with wanting to travel and live.... but don't expect anyone to give you a handout to set you on your way. If you want to do these things.. then work hard, save up.. and go do it... it's as simple as that.

Take control.. it's your life.