What should I do?

Question

After several years of no communication with them, my aunt and uncle are spending christmas with me and my family. Because of this I am dreading the upcoming holiday. As a child, they always told me that I was nothing and I would always be nothing. Also, while everyone in my family praised me for being a good student, they never did. They stated that the only reason I was a good student was b/c I didn't have any friends and therefore had nothing better to do than devote my time to studying. I always hoped that when I saw them again, I'd be better--I'd have a successful career and a close group of friends. However, I am still that girl they last saw--someone who devotes her time to school and doesn't have any friends. When I'm around them, I can't help but feel like this huge failure and I have no clue how to act with confidence. My question is how can I fake being confident around them doing Christmas and not let their negativity affect me so much?

Answer 1

First of all, you should be proud of yourself that school is important to you. Not having a close group of friends does not make you a failure at all. It is hard to ignore the words of others who are ignorant and who are judging you. Your aunt and uncle are either jealous, or very insecure with themselves.
You have nothing to prove to them, they are not worth your worries or time. If they said these things to you they are not worth your attention.
If you do want to act self-confident, which you will be if you work on it in time. Be sure to make eye-contact if it is appropriate in your culture, keep your posture straight, don't be afraid to engage in conversation at the dinner table, then act like you have important things to do either before or after the get-together. You should be extra positive with yourself from now on! Tell yourself you're beautiful, confident and smart and believe it! You are going to school to make something of yourself in this world and some people do not even get the opportunity to do so. Be a proud woman.

Answer 2

Being a good student is an accomplishment, and as far as I am concerned, any adult that would belittle a child has some major insecurity/inferiority issues of their own. It sounds like your aunt and uncle are using a faulty measuring stick to judge you. Have you talked to your parents about this? While I wouldn't usually advocate being disrespectful to an adult, the next time they belittled you, I would look them square in the eye and ask what great accomplishments they have had in their lives that make them qualified to judge you. And even if you don't feel comfortable confronting them, just remember that they are not the final judge and jury for your life. You will only be a failure if you allow yourself to believe that you are, but it sounds like you have a lot going for you.

Answer 3

Are you still a good student? It sounds to me like you have a lot going for you. You just lack self confidence. You must be in college now, how far are you? In all seriousness, you will probably go much further in life, and be far more successful than your miserable aunt and uncle. Just be happy being you, I'm sure your parents love, and respect you for devoting yourself to your studies, and I'm sure they will not let your aunt and uncle bash you over the holidays. Best of luck!

Answer 4

Don't let them upset you. They are obviously the ones with the problem, not you. They should have tried encouraging you instead of putting you down, but they chose not to do so. You aren't a huge failure, you just have different goals in your life. Don't worry about what they think of you. They suck, not you.

Answer 5

Do all what it takes to make they feel what they deserve to realize but with all the tact,diplomacy and a faked smile.People like them must be made to realize that they can't sit in judgment over others as they wish.Enough is enough and no more.

Answer 6

Ignore them. If they say things you don't like, walk away.