My husband came home from Iraq 3 months ago, I knew before he left he liked to kick back and have a few now it is all the time, and it is no longer beer it is hard alcohol. I have taken him in to the hospital for alcohol poisoning a month ago and he promised me that it will never happen again. he doctor offered info on support groups and he refused and said this was a wake up call but it hasn't changed his ways what so ever. Finally the other day I told him no more alcohol in the house. Last night he kept going in to the bathroom, and each time he came out more and more sluggish. (This is my 5 year old Daughters bathroom so it just adds to my frustration) I finally went in to check out the situation, here he had a bottle of jag hid under there and it was half empty. Then I am the bad one for being nosey. (according to him) What do I do? He doesn't want help he won't take it. what do I do?
2007-12-21 01:46:13 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i just want to clarify I love this man very much, he is not a violent drunk . I want to help him so badly I just don't know where to start being he won't get help
2007-12-21 05:06:44 · update #1
You can't help someone who wants no help. All you can do is help yourself. Go to Al-Anon they are a support group for people who live or lived with Alcoholics.
2007-12-21 01:56:47 · answer #1 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been living with an alcoholic for 28 years and I have tried everything. He didnt used to be a violent alcoholic either . He used to be "the life of the party". He has progressed to that though. I'm not saying that all will but most do. I have given him ultimatems, I have threatened, I have hid his alcohol, which used to be only beer in the beginning and has progressed to hard alcohol, I have left him. This only makes him quit for a short time. He has even gone to the extreme of saying he cant live without me and the kids, who have now grown up and have their own kids now and dont want their children exposed to his behavior. And that is the one and only thing you should be considering your child. They did not ask to be put into that situation and should not have to live like that. My children were definitly traumatized by living with an alcoholic. And children live what they learn, they may not want to but sometimes they have no other knowledge how to live otherwise. I thank God for my childrens ability to see that alcoholism is no way to live. They both want better for their children. My husband has found out that he has hepetitis C and that this will kill his liver along with the alcohol and he still will not stop drinking if anything he drinks more. There is nothing you can do for him. He has to want to quit himself and if he does you and he should still attend AA meetings together regularly and continuosly because a person is always an alcoholic even if they are not drinking at the time. Never take the word of an addict. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TOO SHIELD YOUR CHILD FROM HIS BEHAVIOR. Good luck and God bless you.
2007-12-24 00:30:25 · answer #2 · answered by lgray3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannnot help those who don't acknowledge the need for help! There is nothing you can do for him but you can help yourself.
I am sure it is not fun making love to a drunk, it is not fun having a drunk hide his alcohol all over the house and make pathetic attempts at being dicreet about drinking it.
Sadly, I have to tell you things are going to get worse, much worse. As painful as it will be for you to leave him, it is not going to be easier to leave him later, perhaps after he has hurt you or you daughter. Then you will in fact feel worse.
Right now you are only being an enabler, and actually helping him with his alcoholism. You really need to take you child and leave. You also need to get involved in Al-anon or some other support group. You will need the support and though you don't know it there are many others just like you out there who share your pain!
2007-12-21 02:01:14 · answer #3 · answered by mikey_fiveoh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called tough love. You can't force him to get help, but you have to realize that he will not get help unless he wants to. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. You need to do is decide what is more important you being with him or your kids being in a safe and nurturing environment. NEVER sacrifice your kids for the love of a man. They are the ones that you will have to answer to in a few years when they are grown and want to know why they were raised with an alcoholic for a dad and a mother that was willing a capable to get out. Now if you can't get out because you completely depend on him then that's a whole other ball game, you should never become so dependent on a person that you cannot take care of yourself!!! it seems like you have a lot to think about!!
2007-12-21 02:20:00 · answer #4 · answered by LoreleiLee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first husband was and still is an alcoholic. I divorced him 20 years ago when he drank a quart of whiskey everyday. He now drinks a half gallon a day. I can't believe he is still alive. Although he doesn't have much of a life. Anyway, you can't force someone to get help if they don't want it. You should consider leaving. Maybe in doing so, he will be shocked by the loss of his family and will decide that he wants help. Maybe not. Regardless, you need to worry about you and your child. Please don't raise her in that environment. She deserves better and it's your responsibility to give her better. It's not just about how much you can handle. Children would rather be "from" a broken home than "in" one. I know from experience that it's hard, but you have to do it. Staying and hoping things will get better is futile. I had two babies under the age of 3 and no job when I left and it was big time scary, but I made it and you will too. Good Luck!
2007-12-21 01:58:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Lets have a little compassion here. The guy was putting his life on the line defending this country in Iraq. I've heard many of the soldiers returning from there are having a hard time coping. Maybe he's really trying, but the problem seems to be psychological. If you leave him, that'll probably destroy him. He will have no support system around him. Take him to a professional.
But if you don't feel like helping him, then leave him.
2007-12-21 02:00:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometime one has to hit rock bottom and lose everything before they are willing to change. Clearly he has not hit that bottom yet. If he is still willing to communicate with you see if you can't get him to sit down and watch the movie "When a Man Loves a Woman" It is about a man who sticks by his wife who is an alcoholic. It is very heart wrenching. But really if he is not listening to you and is dead set on drinking, you will need to remove yourself and your daughter from the situation for two reasons: Your safety and hers, and so that he can feel that "rock bottomness" and decide if he wants to change, otherwise, if you two stay there, he may not have any real reason to change.
Good luck and I hope you can still somehow have a happy holiday.
2007-12-21 02:49:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to his Commanding Officer. He/She will probably be able to get your Husband to get some help. It's a whole different "ballgame" when you are talking about a "War Veteran". I'm sure he saw some Horrifc things in Iraq !!! BTW, please Thank him For His Service (and you as his wife!!) to Our Country. But, Soliders DO tend to have a harder time, readjusting to "Normal Life" after being in a War. However, this is serious, as you don't want him to "snap" and do something harmful to you and/or your daughter. And I'm not impling it would be "intentional". It's just the Nature of the beast. Sadly!!! Try talking to His CO, and I'm sure they can at least point your Husband in the right direction. God Bless and Good Luck !!!
2007-12-21 02:04:51 · answer #8 · answered by casper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholism is one of my deal breakers. I was raised with an alcoholic father and I promise you the damage takes years to undo. The difference here is that it's obvious where the pain he's trying to numb comes from. The suicide rate among men returning from Iraq is astounding. I would call everyone in his unit, the VA, friends, family, everyone you know and intervene to get this man some help. You need to remove you and your daughter from the situation and get him into a rehab center. He's drowning and just needs someone who understands where he's been and where he's headed. Most addicts need to hit bottom before they will agree to help. Just don't let that happen in front of your daughter. Maybe....maybe....when he sees how serious you are about leaving he will agree to help. It sounds like he's beyond making a decision like that. You might need to forcebly get him to rehab.
2007-12-21 02:03:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a psychotherapist, a significant percentage of veterans suffer from PTSD or anxiety, and many forgo treatment and medicate themselves the only way they know to take the edge off - alcohol. The good news is there are various successful treatments available to help him, but he must want it. Unfortunately, people usually don't change unless there are consequences involved, such as losing marriage and family.
2007-12-21 05:44:56 · answer #10 · answered by lovehealer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't do a thing, unfortunatly, I too was married to an alcoholic, he did finally get clean and sober. They have to want it, and normally they have to hit rock bottom. I would advise you to seek help for yourself, and children. If you are not comfortable doing that , then I would advise you to do as much reserch as you can on addictions. The library or internet are good for that. Once you have a better understanding, it will be easier to deal with, and you won't be tempted to enable him. Good luck
2007-12-21 01:55:09 · answer #11 · answered by Gayle L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋