Why do you miss the ex that YOU dumped?

Question

I got divorce slips slapped on my face when i was struggling with depression few years back. almost 3 years later, i have a life with new gorgeous wife, adorable kids, family, house, etc..happiest I've been in my entire life.

Every once in a while, i get a hate email from the ex about how I'm the one that should be blamed for everything and how she loved me etc etc..

When YOU complain about your 'lazy' husband, when YOU complain how you're miserable and YOUR hubby is at fault for everything, and YOU dump him. Years later, why do YOU miss him? (I know there are bunch of you that do.)

why do i care? because altho i got sh*t on during the divorce, i still care for my ex and i'd really like to see her move on with her life. it's not a good feeling when someone you care for is bitter and angry at you after all those years. i just want to understand.

Answer 1

Im not sure of your exact situation, but i'll give you some insight.

I left him after years of trying to help him grow up and try to become a selfless, loving, caring human being. Help him develop character and morals. He never got structure as a child and therefore was never held accountable for anything in his life. This is essentially his biggest issue in adulthood. Anyhow, after 6 years of verbal & physical abuse, I realized I didnt have 2 kids, only 1, and I needed to focus on being a good mother to our child. It's been a while now, and although I have moved on, I do love him as a friend. He knows me better than anyone ever has, and I will never forget that. He is still not over me, and I dont know how long that will take.

I want him to be happy and to not hurt anymore. That's why I spent so long with him. I just wanted him to get better. I sincerely have no desire to be in any type of relationship with him, and I look forward to the day where I can sit with my husband and he can sit with his wife, and we can all be comfortable with who we are and know that we made the right choices, you know?

But the day I see him taking all of himself and putting it into a relationship, and sincerely trying to make it work. Really loving this woman like he should and being happy? Making her and their kids and our son happy? I think there will definitely be a huge ammount of resentment. I mean, I gave up so much of myself to try and make him into this better person, but for US. Not so he could go an give it to someone else. And even though it clearly would NOT work between us, even though I am not in love with him anymore, even though I am the one who chose to end it, there will be a lot of feelings of hate, and pain, and failure because he had it with someone else.

Now, I dont know if you were ever really lazy like she says you were. I dont know if the problems were really all your fault and if she gave it her best effort. But that's probably how she feels. In all reality, she knows if you guys were to try and get back together it would probably only work out until . . . the sex was over. She knows it. She just feels like it isnt fair that someone is reaping what she sowed. She feels she gave you the tools the be a good husband, and that someone else is benefiting from it while all she got was crap. Like I said, I dont know if that's true, but I think that's how she feels.

She just needs to vent it.

Answer 2

Breaking up from an in depth relationship is in no way effortless if it was you who left him or you who were dumped. It takes a very long time to get over a relationship. You are very unhappy, at all times thinking of them, and feel lifestyles will in no way be the equal again. However you can get over the relationship if you follow the "5 steps for moving on". Begin through releasing the struggling you will have. It is perfectly common to cry if you end up opening It may also aid you if you happen to to write down down how you suffering progresses. One other manner of helping you is to organize a letter for your ex, reminiscing in regards to the good occasions and the much less excellent, your relationship and the way a lot he made you undergo. Make certain you omit nothing so all is brought out in one go. Not ever send the letter however ceremoniously burn it; an excellent method to conclude the connection. Receive that all is over. You'll never "recover from a guy".And move on for those who still kindle the hope that someday he's going to exchange and come strolling back to you. Attempt to in finding some thing to do this truly symbolizes the tip of the connection. One suggestion is to alternate all private property that each one had of the opposite. Throw away the things too small to alternate and so clear your residence of his possessions; it's a manner of getting him out of your mind. Get some help out of your girlfriends. Earlier than you meet your husband, boyfriends come and boyfriends go however the girlfriends are continually there. You might have dropped your associates for a even as, so now could be the time to get again to them. They will be just right for getting you out socially and they are going to support you to "recover from a guy". . Undoubtedly your girlfriends are prone to had been through similar occasions to yours. By using sharing their experiences you're going to see that others have made it and also you understand that so will you. The time that you simply used to spend with your ex must be spent intelligently. Get some recreation to get you back on the first-class type, join a bunch and take up a brand new pastime and so at the same time make new buddies. Ultimately, you have got to transfer on if you will forget your ex. You are going to come out of all of it as a new character with the old and new associates and your new activities. Moving on in is clearly the satisfactory technique to "get over a man"; make a smooth wreck and get on with your life..

Answer 3

We miss the closeness, the intimacy. One relationship is not like the next - it can be better, worse or on the same plane - but never the same. She may have done things, said things, or loved you in a way that will never be with anyone else. Tell her to seek couseling btw b/c if it's been a few years and she's still writing hatemail, she's disturbed about something more then losing you.

Answer 4

I think she realized u weren't as lazy as she thought. If u were that bad of a husband she wouldn't be missing u! Now she's jealous of what u do have and realizes thats what she wants. It may not be u she misses it's the thought of another person to share her life w/ but ur all she knows. I will not miss my husband when it's finally over becuz I know what I have in front of me and nothing will ever compare to it, so it's not all women. I, not for 1 minute will regret the decisions I make.

Answer 5

She saw you move on, get better and have a good life. She feels she has been cheated out of that life with you. She has not yet learned to take responsibility for her own reactions to the things that caused the breakup. She is not healing as fast as you, perhaps because of who she is and what's happened to her in the past, or maybe she was more deeply hurt than you.

I had a boyfriend in college that I loved dearly, but we had bad arguments and once, he hit me. It threw me into a terrible depression. I no longer felt safe and my trust had been betrayed. I developed PTSD. We tried counseling, but I couldn't get passed it. (It didn't help that we had a crap couples counselor.)

He said he wouldn't have sought treatment if I had not thrown him out for crossing that line. Part of me that felt I had paid the price for him to have a good relationship with someone else. Thank the Gods I never voiced it, because it's ridiculous. He was brilliant, did his own work, and went on to do great things. It just took me longer to recover.

Answer 6

Honestly, speaking I don't miss my ex-husband at ALL...I'm glad that he has found someone who keeps him grounded and away from me...As long as she is with him she's doing me a favor...That is the way I feel...There are women that probably realize their mistakes and that is why they make a big deal and try to cause problems for their "ex"....It's not right or fair but, if the "ex" accepts it then thats their choosing....I'm sorry you are having a difficult time with your ex-wife...

Answer 7

I don't miss him at all. He's narcissistic, abusive mentally, verbally and physically. We are going through a custody battle now. He always wonders about what I'm doing and how happy I am. His wife left him cuz he put her through that same hell. I used to want him dead. I don't care what he does I just want him permanently out of my life and for him to leave me and my family alone.

Answer 8

I hear you,,I was so relieved and happy for my ex when she finally moved on. Her new husband is my hero..Up to the time she met him, she was a constant pain in my a%^ and I couldn't be happy with my new wife. But when he came along,,,everything changed for the better....Going back to yoour question: People make decisions base on impulses and then those decisions come back to hunt them,,regret is a b*^&%!

Answer 9

I missed my ex for a long while after I divorced him and even after I remarried.

My reason was unusual as I am the woman. I missed the sex! He was fantastic in bed!

Everything else about him I don't miss. Sad, isn't it...? LOL

Answer 10

you have answered your own question, you were depressed with your ex and now your happy to be honest she might be thinking if only he had been like that with me it would of worked and only you know if she has a point.
most people miss there ex's only a few admit it though.
glad your happy now but don't be so tough on the ex little bit of compassion goes a long way..