I met this wonderful guy 2 weeks ago. He got my number and we went out and had a wonderful time. I don'tthink I have ever gone out with anyone I liked better. He is from Germany, in the process of moving here; he has a great job he can take any time. Right now, he does 3 months in Germany; 3 months here. Anyways, he told me finally he had a girlfriend at home--of 9 years--but the situation had become complicated. She does not want to move here, but he does, and he has not missed her since he came. He said he would probably be interested in me if he were free, but he did not want to tell me he wasn't right off because we would not have been able to know each other. He is obviously a good guy, has never cheated, very thoughtful, worried about what he is thinking. I offered to be friends but no more unless he is single. We went out the night before he was going back to (to return in 3 months). As of current date, we have exchanged 3 emails. They are getting very friendly. What do u think?
2007-12-20 23:46:53 · 11 answers · asked by Christina V 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
When I say very friendly, I don't mean innapropriately so, but he is not mentioning his girlfriend and big decisions which are looming; neither am I. Am I handling this well? What should I guard against? Is he seriously considering breaking up, or do you think I can be his friend if he doesn't? If he does break up, what would be the outfall? What can I do to make this as low-stress for myself as possible?
2007-12-20 23:50:01 · update #1
Well it sounds like you are both being very mature about this whole thing. Its good you are both waiting to get involved until he is single. I think if he ends up moving to where you are then you have a really good chance of being together, but 9years is a very long time so I'm not sure if she will really stay there or not. Just wait it out and be friends for now, see where it goes. Good luck.
2007-12-20 23:51:33 · answer #1 · answered by Jenniferann88 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this guy needs to finish up business with his current girl before starting anything with you.
And don't even think of taking anything further with him until he does.
The thing is, if he's with someone, yet dating or trying to date other girls, he's not very trustworthy.
If things are getting "too friendly" you need to put a stop to it until he has taken care of things at home.
If he pretended to be single to "get to know you," what happens when you two get together and he lies again to some other girl.
WHile he may discount this small indescretion as just a little white lie, and is totally cool with it, imagine what else he could be hiding.
You just met him 2 weeks ago, so be very careful.. I think he's shady and you should move on.
2007-12-20 23:53:58 · answer #2 · answered by spookynative 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy may be a good guy, but you need to remember he has a girlfriend. 9 years is a long term relationship, and chances are even if they are going to be going there separate ways, there are a lot of things going on when a relationship of that length is ending. They may be struggling with all or some of those things. I mention this because I am in the process of moving on from a 7 year relationship that is ending with a guy whom I will always love, but who it doesn't seem like right now we have that kind of future. It is extremely difficult for me to understand someone going from that situaiton right into a new relationship. Not just from the perspective that its not good to go right from one relationship into another, but also because of the people that would want to be with someone that is that fresh to being back out there. I myself am confused as to whether these men are honest with these women, which your friend seems to be with you, or if they are completely clueless as to how much emotions are tied up with someone that you have a long term relationship with. My suggestion is to take a step back and be a chat friend, for him. You really do not want to be with someone in any sort of serious way that is coming out of that situation. If it is ending with his long term girlfriend, he needs some time to deal with those issues, and I am sorry but I really don't think that jumping right back into another relationship is the way to go....Good luck to you..
2007-12-21 00:04:36 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah, sticky situation. I guess the best advice for figuring out if this is emotionally "healthy", is to respect yourself, him, and the other woman he is involved with. Put yourself in both of their positions looking at the situation. You'll know what feels right and if you two do end up getting together, you'll know that you did it on your terms and have nothing to feel guilty or bad about. Good luck!
2007-12-20 23:51:16 · answer #4 · answered by locknload 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that you're being realistic about this. In your shoes, I would remain "friendly"...if the Emails heat up...gently remind him that your friendship is based on his being single and that you have too much respect for his girlfriend to let it become more until he IS single. Possession is, after all, nine tenths of the law. Good luck and Merry Christmas!
2007-12-20 23:59:23 · answer #5 · answered by Gina C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I think is that you should not go out with this man unless you know for sure he is completely broken off with her and in America with you
Then again, he shouldn't have lied to you in the first place, already there are trust issues (he did lie if he didn't tell you about her to begin with that's leading you on).
2007-12-20 23:54:40 · answer #6 · answered by MJ B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just as Haley H. had said, she said it all, put your self in the position of the other girl. so remain friends and nothing more and do not at all discuse the other girl with him on any topic about their relationship. what belong to some body, never pass him/her by. so if he is going to be yours, time will tell. Good luck.
2007-12-21 00:03:41 · answer #7 · answered by Jaro. S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sounds like he is trying his best to do the right thing. It sounds like he cares for his g/f and doesnt want to hurt her. Nine years is a long time, a long history. Sounds like he needs to do some serious thinking, and he will, if he wants to be with you. Give it time and if it's meant to be, it will happen.
2007-12-21 00:06:03 · answer #8 · answered by Dani 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In general he sounds like a good one. Stay being friends with him until you are sure that he is free. I don't think he would be with you until he was anyway.
2007-12-20 23:51:32 · answer #9 · answered by calendargirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
for me, you are. that's a good sign of having a health emotional status. you're not taking him away from anyone and you're not doing things to hurt yourself. i guess you can just wait.
2007-12-20 23:51:03 · answer #10 · answered by Happyday D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋