What should i do? I love my fiance but he beats me when we argue. Is there any solution?
I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend now for about 2 years. We are engaged to be married but there are some major problems. Each time we have an argument he will beat me or threaten to beat me. I know he is a good person deep down but I can't keep putting up with the physical abuse. I love him very much and it hurts to leave. What should i do or say to try and make things better with my fiance? Or is it a better idea to leave him or be alone for a while? Please help
2007-12-20 22:42:14 · 26 answers · asked by vanell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Leave him, no more questions.
2007-12-20 22:46:20 · answer #1 · answered by Pedo Bear 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will never intend to write this issue over the internet if you are not really bothered.
As for me, I think love will fade when there are constant beatings, cursing, and other hurtful things that'll happen next. I don't even want to think the next thing that he'll do to you. You don't deserve it. Think about it, are you willing to spend your whole life with him treating you like a punching bag?
He is not the end of your life.
Your parents (or whoever) raised you to become what you are right now. What would they feel if they knew that you've been going through **** for 2 years?
It is not a better idea to leave him alone for A WHILE.
LEAVE HIM FOR GOOD.
If it'll cause you to feel a lot of pain for leaving him now, think about it: you're saving yourself from future troubles by just merely staying with him.
2007-12-20 22:57:28 · answer #2 · answered by Dazed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You follow the typical female behaviour of women with an abusive boyfriend.
You immediately make excuses for him: He is a good person.
No dear, he is not a 'good person'. He can not argue, so he needs physical violence to win. That means he is too stupid to win with words, and incapable of controlling himself.
Even a child-murderer might water the roses. Acts of goodness do not make someone a good person.
Everybody already tells you to leave him. And they are right.
And you can't do it because it hurts. So, that makes you stupid (yes, truth hurts) as well. If you can't see what clearly needs to be done, then you are stupid as well. So perhaps you deserve each other.
Just one thing. If you marry him (stupid, stupid, stupid) and you ave children, do you fantasize that he will suddenly turn into a loving, understanding husband?
In that case, you are not only very stupid, but you are setting your children up to be abused. And on top of that, when they grow up, they think that abuse is normal. Your sons will beat their wives and their children - your grand-children - as well.
The cycle continues, because you choose to close your eyes and look at the good sides of this ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND.
I'll give you a free tip. Do a google-search on 'abusive boyfriend'. You will be struck with similarities, and you will also find what the right thing to do is.
2007-12-20 23:25:55 · answer #3 · answered by mgerben 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's called get out while you still can. He's not worth it. You'll find a man who will never lay a finger on you when you are arguing and who will be respectful towards you as well. So, right now pack up all your things and get out! I know it seems hard to do, but do you really want a guy who when he argues hits you or would you rather have one when you argue that he'll be able to communicate his frustrations with you and tell you what he wants too have changed or what he disagrees with, but also respects your point of view as well. You need to get out fast and say good riddance you deserve a lot better.
2007-12-20 22:52:58 · answer #4 · answered by Steven R 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You won't like this, but he is likely to NEVER learn his lesson unless he receives a bad enough scare.
Next time he strikes you, CALL THE POLICE! Charge him with Assault and Battery! Why not Domestic Assault? Bevause you've already distanced yourself from him by calling off the wedding!
Tell him flat-out that you've had it...you love him but your own dignity and your LIFE isn't worth the risk. (If you stay with him, you could DIE from the abuse!) If he manages to obtain counciling to deal with his anger issues, you can go back with him, but since you doubt that it'll happen, you are going to go on with your life and try to find someone who can love you and not get physical in an argument!
In case you didn't catch it the first time...anyone (man or woman) in a relationship with a physically abusive partner has something like a 1 in 3 chance of being BEATEN TO DEATH by the abusive partner!
Oh, if you need it, talk to the courts about an Order of Protection, but remember, they are only effective when the OTHER person is willing to abide by it's conditions!
2007-12-20 22:55:54 · answer #5 · answered by jcurrieii 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to leave this man... and you have to make preparations now. please note that statistics show... women are in most danger when they leave... and should make sure they have a plan... a support system.. restraining order... and that authorities are made aware. first make sure.. as many family and friends know what is going on. i know it may be embarrassing.. but they love you... and it is not your fault. there is nothing you do or say.. that makes it right for him to beat you. get a restraining order.. contact a local battered women's center... get this abuse on record with the authorities... even if you just call the police to stand by while he is gathering his things..from the house.. or if you are gathering your things. and then do not go back... once you do.. the violence tends to escalate. please listen to this advice..and get some experts in your area.. to assist. do not meet for a talk.. after he is gone.. there is no such thing as being his friend. do not show your hand..until the plan..support and experts are in place. gl
2007-12-20 22:59:10 · answer #6 · answered by foosieboy1953 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please, get out of there NOW.
It will get worse, I have been in an abusive relationship and it resulted in me almost dying.
He isn't a good person deep down and he does not love you.
He thinks of you as his human punch bag.
It will hurt you to leave him, you've been through things together, do you want to be in much more pain lying in hospital with doctors saying you might not make it?
NEVER go back to him. You can do so much better.
Please just leave him now. Once an abuser, always an abuser.
2007-12-20 22:55:56 · answer #7 · answered by SB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but your boyfriend is not a good person... deep down or not. He has no right laying a hand on you in that manner. It may hurt to leave, but if you marry this guy, the pain will be overwhelming.
You deserve happiness....go find it with someone who can give it to you.
2007-12-20 22:50:48 · answer #8 · answered by Alohalani 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Physical abuse is always dangerous. For me if it happens very frequently means the guy is not in love with you. I would never beat a person i love no matter what.
2007-12-20 22:48:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
RUN don't walk to the nearest door. Get out. Save yourself from a lifetime of beatings. I say lifetime because eventually he might kill you. I grew up watching my sisters be beaten. It was so scary. Not only that, any children you may have in the future are in danger. They cannot protect themselves. A man who beats his significant other or his kids, will not change without counseling. If you stay, you will begin to think you "deserve" what you get. He will always promise "not to do it again". Trust me, he will. Good Luck
2007-12-20 22:53:39 · answer #10 · answered by jadobob 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Report him to the police
Seek help from a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist
DO NOT STAY with him
I visited a woman in the hospital who's roommate was battered... she had been beaten over many years... there didn't seem to be a square inch of her body that wasn't black and blue... She was like a "punch drunk" fighter.
you cannot fix him... if alcohol or drugs are part of the equation... I would recommend finding an Al-anon meeting for yourself. [program for the family and friends of alcoholics]
2007-12-20 22:54:00 · answer #11 · answered by edzerne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋