She thinks theres two sides of me.. (LONG STORY)?

Question

Let me start off by saying that this is going to be long, I just want you to see the WHOLE situation..

Im a guy (im 17), my bestfriend whos a girl (shes 16) thinks theres 2 sides to me.. We have been close friends for 4 months now.. When she first met me (judging by my appearance) she thought I was a player,sleaze,violent towards girls,violent in general, etc.. But she said she thought i was attractive.. When she got to know me she said her opinion changed completey towards me, and that my I look nothing like who i really am inside.. But she would always snap every noe and then and say to me she thinks im a fake, and that theres 2 sides of me, and that im not showing her the real me, and that im just putting on an act.. But REALLY I aint..

I see her VERY rarley but we talk over the phone everyday for hours.. we talk about everything, shes told me alot of personal things about her which she doesnt really tell anyone.. (e.g the depression she went through)..

She would always call me up when she was crying (esspecially when things were going wrong with her boyfriend at the time , she aint with him no more though..) She doesnt trust many guys.. She only trusts 3 other guys besides me.. She has trusts issues and is VERY scared of getting hurt by guys.. Past few days (starting from tuesday) she was acting distant towards me, she wouldnt call or want to talk when i called,etc.. Felt like i had done something to her.. She called me for about half an hour on wednesday before she went out to her sisters house, and we spoke for abit.. She called me up that night too laughing.. (she had a picture of my foot which she got when i was drunk) and it felt like she was making fun of me, and letting her friend laugh at me (but when she explained to me today about it she said her and her friend were laughing at the fact of her having a picture of a foot on her phone..) I got mad and hung up on her..

I tried calling her back later that night, but she went all weird on me and was giving me short answers, e.g when i asked her what she did that night she would say "went out".. After about 10 minutes of that she said shes going to sleep, and ended up hanging up on me.. (she does get upset easy and it was clear that the reason she was weird on me THAT time was because i hung up on her.. she hates when i do that..)

I ended up sending her a txt message to her phone, (it was about 1 am) telling her why i hung up on her and telling her i noticed shes acting weird towards me and i dont know what i couldve possible done.. And that even though shes been acting weird towards me i still dont think any differently of her, and that whenever shes ready to talk she can call me..

I didnt hear from her all of thursday and i didnt bother sending her txts saying i hope shes having a good day,etc (like i normally would).. She ended up sending me a text at round 9 pm saying her ex boyfriend who cheated on her while she was with him but she only found out yesterday (two weeks after they broke up) she also said she was sorry for taking shiit out on me by acting weird towards me past few days.. I sent her a text back comforting her.. She ended up calling me up when she got home and we spoke till she fell asleep (I want her falling asleep on the phone to me, because it prevents her from getting bad thoughts while shes just laying in bed, she tends to do that..)

She called me today and we spoke for about 2 hours before she went out, she told me that she still thinks theres two sides of me.. It hurts me thinking thats what she thinks of me.. I understand shes paranoid becuase alot of guys have lied to her and fuked around with her and tried to get into her pants..

But I REALLY aint like that...

We both hang around completely different groups of people, her group of friends are the sporty,friendly type.. Mine on the other hand are the thuggish type.. I HAVE been in trouble with the police before, and she knows that.. She bassically know EVERYTHING about me, i dont hide anything from her, ive told her more personal things than ive told ANYONE, i trust her and respect her more than anyone.. I am a graffiti artist, and thats the main reason why ive been in trouble with the police, I aint the violent type, though i have been in big brawls before due to my friends getting themselves into shiit, and me helping them out.. But i dont go around starting shiit with people, at all.. She thinks there is two sides of me which i aint telling her.. I really dont know what to say to that when she tells me this...

Alot of my friends do start shiit with people for no reason and i know that, she knows that too.. But im not involved when it happens, im only there when something serious happens, and they need my help.. Thats the ONLY reason why ive been in fights... She also today on the phone told me that she thinks people who dress like me and my friends are all the same.. (she does snap have moodswings and negative thoughts every now and then) (the way i dress is how i feel comfortable people may look at it thinking its how thugs dress, but honestly i feel it just represents my music, and my art if anything..

The reason why I think she gets like this with me is because she rarley sees me.. (once every few weeks) until i get a car (which will be in a few months) its going to stay that way.. She lives about half an hours drive from me.. Next time ill be seeing her will be new years eve.. Anyways thats what she was talking about before she got off the phone to me...

She was getting ready to go out with her friend before she got off the phone, and before she went she said "ill talk to you whenever"..
normally she would say she'll call me tonight,etc.. so she was all weird on me again.. All i think i can do is keep trying to prove to her that im not a fake, and there AINT two sides of me.. But i just dont know what exactly to say.. When we first met i think it was clear she was thinking about a relationship with me, she wouldnt say it but she would always ask me questions like "if we were going out", etc.. Id always make it clear to her that i want to just be friends, even though i found her really attractive and great personality, it just felt like she was too good.. and i needed a girl a a close friend, and she was perfect for that.. i thought if we were to go out it would wreck things with how we were if we broke up.. I also her remember telling me that she has thought of what id be like as a boyfriend and that she thinks id be a good one..

Past few days she has been acting weird and distant towards me and today when she went all cold on me she said the reason why shes really been like this towards me is because she thinks there is two sides of me... She thinks theres a side which she sees, and another side which she doesnt see.. I told her there is only one side of me, and she knows me better than anyone, and im not putting on an act..

Before these past few days she would always tell me how much she cared about me, and loved me like a bestfriend, and that she never wants me to give up on her.. I always tell her i wont give up on her and i mean that.. She also has a paragraph about me put up on her myspace, saying im her diary and i know her completely... She does mean alot to me and i dont want to lose her, due to her thinking im not who she thinks I am..

She has went weird on me thinking im fake before.. just not for this long... Basically the only form of communication i have with her for now is txting her phone, or calling her..

I cant just forget about her... Or leave her, i just need some advice, I really dont know wut to do... How can i prove to her that the only side I have to me is the side which she see's...? I dont know what to tell her anymore...

Answer 1

I actually did read all of that. Sheesh. But it sounds like she has some very real issues to deal with. You sound like a nice person, and it seems like you really like her, but you might also be caught up in proving her wrong about you. And you're way too young to be holding yourself responsible for "healing" this poor girl. There may not be anything else TO tell her, or any way at all to show her differently. It seems like this is just a way for her to keep you coming back but at arm's length. How much longer can you stand that? Or can you just be very good friends with her, but find a person who is more emotionally available to have a romantic relationship?

Answer 2

I think you're a little obsessed. Get involved in something that occupies your mind much better and by giving it a rest from thinking about the situation with her, you'll find that you can think more clearly about it later.