In Islam, when you want to 'see' someone you must be engaged?

Question

So you're lawfully married in Islam. And you get divorced if it doesn't work out? But it counts as a divorce. I assume the divorce isn't the same as it is in the West...

Can you explain this to me. I don't know too much about it but it'd be interesting to find out.

Answer 1

actually divorce in Islam is the same as the west it is hard on both parties it is never easy.
and as for meeting it really comes down to the family and the girl and how they see the matter.
some don't mind they get introduced first before any thing.
some would want them to get engaged first, this where they should know each other first before they legally get married. some that are bit too cautious or a bit too traditional that want them to have a marriage certificate so they can meet each other, in this case they see them as engaged even though they are legally married the community sees them as engaged until they have the wedding party - i know it sounds a bit stupid but thats they way it is.
these days usually the mothers arrange a way for the man and the women to meet or call each other before any of the steps I mentioned before.
of course there are cases in which they date but thats considered an abnormal case

Answer 2

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Hello. Well, Islam is keen to avoid indecency and any acts which would lead to sexual relations outside of marriage. For this reason, we do not "date" in the Western sense. Islam is a religion of moderation and common sense, so it must also be said that the practice of arranged marriages, where bride and groom barely know one another on their marriage day, is not particularly Islamic either. In between there is a balance.

It is perfectly acceptable for a man and a woman to talk to one another in regards to marriage, as long as they do not do so in private. The woman and man should dress according to modest Islamic norms, and they should meet in the presence of a chaperone, ideally the woman's mahram, or male relative. They can meet in a public place like a cafe, or in a mosque or in a private home. They should be allowed to see one another and talk to determine if there is at least some basic compatibility there.

Now, even before this step it is important for the prospective marriage partner to be "vetted" so to speak. There is no use in going forward with a metting if there is some deal-breaker issue. Say, the woman may desire to work after marriage, so she shouldn't seek a man who does not want to allow his wife to work. If the man wants only one or two children and the woman wants many, then they might not be a good fit for each other. One or the other may have bad habits, such as drinking or not praying or smoking, that the other would not wish in a spouse. Some things can be looked into by family members before the two are even introduced, so as to not waste time.

If the man and woman get past these preliminaries, they can meet and talk to one another. If their personalities clash, then they can with honor decide they would not be a good match. If they like one another, they can continue to meet, always with a responsible chaperone, to work out details, or they can leave details to the family. They should not have a very long engagement, as since marriage is the goal once they are decided they should go forward.

Some people might not like the Islamic style of finding a spouse, but correctly done, it results in a couple who are much more realistic about marriage and who have invested the time necessary in finding a life partner. We don't believe in "starter marriages" in Islam. We don't believe that "love at first sight" is a good predictor of whether a marriage will succeed. A shared faith, shared values, basic compatibility, and a commitment to sticking it out when things get tough - as they do in all marriages - are much better foundations on which to build a successful marriage. And Allah knows best.

May Allah guide you to the best in this world and the next. Ameen.

Fi Aman Allah,

Nancy Umm Abdel Hamid

Answer 3

you can see someone with a prescence of a third person who is your wali or your mahram (or both at the same time like your muslim dad). The wali is a guardian and mahram is a close relative, most commonly a blood-related someone: dad, grandpa, brother etc

you can not meet men alone because whenever a man and a woman are sit together in two, the shaytan is the third who remains with them in that room and we know that shaytan can whisper things to young people..

divorce when it does't work out: no, divorce is a serious issue in Islam and strongly disliked. you can get a divorce but it is highly recommended to make up and make peace, this is better for both part and for the children, everything is wise by Allah's (SWT) will.

Answer 4

some poeple above me are saying that you have to be arranged and blah blah blah thats only culutral

you can see someone as long as you know you dont get in to much connection then its ok

and to divorce you need to divorce 3 times and it has to be egalitarian which means equal rights of divorce of man and women

hope this helps

peace

Answer 5

It depends on the country, the sect of Islam, and the parents.

In very traditional or fundamentalist societies there is no dating. The marriages are arranged. Once a couple is engaged, they are allowed to get to know one another, but may be chaperoned until the wedding.

In very liberal societies, dating is much the same as in the West.

And in between you have every variation, just as very devout fundamentalist Christians might be strict and more liberal Christians not so much so.

Divorce is an option in Islam, but it is easier for the husband to divorce the wife than vice versa. And women in general are more stigmatized in Islamic countries if they are divorced, widowed, or have "reputations".

Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but in general, I think that women are more empowered in non-Muslim countries than in Muslim countries.

Answer 6

well here is what divorce is like for a man

http://muttaqun.com/divorce.html

and for a woman (khul) here:

http://www.crescentlife.com/islamic%20rights/divorce_khul.htm

salams..

Answer 7

hmmm yes it's complecated.was thinking about the same thing

Answer 8

no, you are introduced by your family to his family to meet your future husband. its all done and dusted for you.