Most of my husbands family doesn't like me, and my husband has made sure over the years that I know it. My father in law doesn't speak to me, and because he doesn't want to see me he doesn't see our child anymore. I have been called some nasty names and labeled as someone that I don't even know by these very judgemental people. I wish I had enough room to write the things that his family has done!
I was expected to fit a mould, just like his first wife, but in being true to myself I never changed enough to fit in, and neither did she. I have done alot for my husband (drug & gambling problems) and his father (failing business), but everything has gone unappreciated. There's no give and take here! My husband has never stuck up for me in front of them, even when he should have. If anything, he becomes childlike around them. In any case, we've been invited to family xmas functions, and just the thought of being around his family gives me major anxiety. Am I obligated to go?
2007-12-20 18:39:15 · 10 answers · asked by Das 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If I don't go, he is planning on going with our child anyway.
2007-12-20 18:46:39 · update #1
if your husband lets you know his family doesn't "like" you, what kind of disrespect is THAT? He sure doesn't think much of you does he?
On the other hand, why on earth did you bail people out giving money ? I'd die before i gave someone who didn't like me money because their business was failing. Let's not talk about your husband's addiction issues.
Your husband shouldn't have to "stick up for you in front of them"... he should have enough respect for you to keep you away from them, if they can't act like decent human beings.
Just because someone isn't fond of us, doesn't mean they have to treat us like crap.. and your husband obviously has NO BOUNDARIES, because he allows them to mistreat you, and right in front of him? It's insane.
don't go... in fact... get a new life...
Darlin, you are being walked on like a door mat.
2007-12-20 19:06:55 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dated a girl very seriously and her family was the same way. They weren't nasty in any sort of way toward me, but they were fairly cold, uninviting, and I knew they said a lot of stuff about me behind my back. They didn't appreciate anything either, just total users. I just didn't let it bother me, they were more or less a bunch of a losers anyway and I was much better off in life, but my point is you can't change (and shouldn't have to!) what they think about you, so don't waste your time worrying about it and getting stressed out. Live your life as well as YOU can, do what is best for YOU, and don't even give them a second thought. I know there is a kid involved which makes it that much harder, but remember the father in law is the one choosing not to see the kid, not yourself, so let him be immature and miss out on his grandchild.
Would I go? Hell no. You seem like a really nice person, and you deserve far better than to have to put up with people who are so openly rude toward you. Go spend time with YOUR family, people who want to see you, appreciate and love you. You will be so much happier. You also need to be having a serious talk with your husband about all this, and tell him you aren't going to put up with it any longer. Do you want to live the rest of your life this way? It sounds like he's given you hell, and at some point if things don't get better, you need to decide where to draw the line. There is nothing healthy about anything you mentioned and you need to start doing what is best for you before you wake up one day and realize you've burned yourself out and are at wits end. Good luck!!
2007-12-21 03:02:38 · answer #2 · answered by Jack B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are never obligated to go to anything you don't want to. Tell your husband that he either spends Christmas at home with you or he splits the family if he goes home because you will not endure the abuse. Tell him if he chooses the latter not to bother coming back. I know this is harsh, but you need to stand up for yourself. He will play the "that's not fair" but the fight needs to happen. Too many couples are so afraid to fight they ignore the important issues worth fighting over. This is one of them..... I just read your update and here's mine. Get off Y!A and leave... now! Your child should not have to be raised in that environment and your hubby obviously is using your child as a trophy. Get out fast! If he cares about you, he will realize how important this is to you and work it out.
2007-12-21 02:46:41 · answer #3 · answered by Older and Wiser 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no you are no obligated to go, but i think that you should go to the family function. if you really love your husband then no matter what . all of people just really don't know how to express themselves. smile and you go girl (pray and love can change anyone ).
2007-12-21 02:47:14 · answer #4 · answered by tee39 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to get out!! you are unhappy....and your husband is an as*hole....what kinda husband doesnt stick up for his own wife....when you make a commitment to someone...your choosing them to come before family... seriously....tell your husband how you feel...and if he doesnt care..screw him...no you are not obligated to go!! do they have ANY good reasons to dislike you? if no..than F*ck them!! excuse my language my damn...marriage i supposed to be happy...not all the time but...most of the time!!
good luck!!
2007-12-21 03:03:14 · answer #5 · answered by Alix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man that is harsh I am so sorry for you!
I guess there is no point in going, no matter what you do they will find something new to throw at you.
Guess you could remind them of the names they have called you and tell them no thanks you will skip on the abuse this year.
2007-12-21 02:44:21 · answer #6 · answered by OR 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, don't even put yourself through it that drama, and tell your husband how it makes you feel when he does not stand up for you. Best wishes..
2007-12-21 02:46:12 · answer #7 · answered by Poetannyse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u should put ur foot down and tell ur husband to man up, i think if ur husband really does love and im not sayin he doesnt... he wouldnt act so immature for his age, and talk to his parents that they need to be more nicer to u... wat about ur needs, it seems like ur husband is the baby and ur his mother... wat ur husband should do is make u feel special all the time and shouldnt be such a momma's boy
2007-12-21 02:46:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is verry difficult. i m really sorry for you dear but tri to talk with they , i don't know but is paintful . i know what that mean because some one like you is unhappy and you are young
2007-12-21 02:48:25 · answer #9 · answered by flory sexy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are yoiu still married if you are so unhappy?
2007-12-21 02:42:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋