I am a 31 year old married Mother of 2. I have always tried to be an adult but do to a major illness I have been unable to work for about 3 years and my husband and I ran into some financial difficulty and we were helped by my parents.We were very greatful. But now my Mother reminds me on a daily basis about how they bailed us out. We have offered to make payments as often as we can but she "won't hear of it" My mom used to be a wonderful Grandmother but now she is always short with my children, never seems happy to see them,and dotes on there cousin right in front of them. My mom has some problems seperating them from me. I can handle her being mad at me though i am still not sure what I dd so wrong. I have tried to talk to her about it but, it didnt seem to work.
2007-12-20 18:10:03 · 6 answers · asked by Sandra K 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Talk to mom. Tell her you appreciate that she helped you out. However, she 'wont hear' of you paying her back there for you shouldn't have to hear about it all of the time. My MIL did this very thing to my hubby. Offered to help, he declined, she threw a tanty so he accepted to keep peace. She reminded him of it constantly. Now she wonders why he doesn't even want to accept anything from her. Each month put back some money until you have enough to pay her back in full. Since she doesn't want to accept it. Go to her bank and deposit it in her account and then tell her you paid her back. That way she no longer has it to hold over your head. I did this very same thing with the MIL. She literally keeps a notebook on each of her kids and all of the things she has done for them. Including the time she picked up my sons meds at the pharmacy even though she was already going there to pick up her own.
I would also tell her if she has hard feelings against you that you won't tolerate her taking it out on your children. If granny can't act like a granny then she needs to not be around the kids until she can treat them respectfully and fairly. My MIL did that to my youngest. My oldest is her favorite. I talked till I was blue in the face and nothing worked until another family member also pointed it out to her.
She's going to treat you the way you let her treat you. Talk to her respectfully and openly but you can't let her bully you or your children. Best of luck!
2007-12-20 19:07:21 · answer #1 · answered by MISS H 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would do two things. First pay her back. Every dime. If need be save up every cent until it's all collected and then give it to her, or if you know where she banks directly deposit it in her account.
Second. Don't go over anymore or bring your children. It is not emotionally safe for your children to be in that environment. Just because someone is our family does not mean we need them in our life or our children's.
She is hostile, rude, not loving, not forgiving and full of anger. This is not acceptable treatment from ones mom. Do you want your children to see this as acceptable and normal behavior? I certainly hope not. If your mother asks what is going on, be loving, but truthful. Tell her you cannot subject yourself or your children to her behavior anymore. It is too confusing and hard on you and the kids. Period. Put a period at the end and move on.
Surround your family with friends who love and support you. Not with people who are rude and selfish.
2007-12-21 01:10:09 · answer #2 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk with her. Ask her outright why she is so hard on your children. Ask her if she is upset over the money and if so, why will she not let you give her something every month, and remedy the situation.
It is her choice to change her attitude or not. If not, then I would seriously think of curtailing her visits with the children, and staying away from her as much as you can. Her attitude towards the children will eventually hurt them, and I would not let anyone hurt my children.
You have your own family now, and they come first. If anybody treats your family in a negative way, then it is up to you and your husband, to make sure that nothing interfears with the happiness of your children.
All you can do is ask her to change, and if she doesn't then you have to make decisions for your immediate family.
2007-12-20 21:42:54 · answer #3 · answered by Maureen S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
so your mother doesn't want you to pay her back the money she owes, but she wants you to pay emotionally?
she needs to get a grip!
i am soooo sorry to hear of your illness -- you can't help it, hon... and if your mother is holding your problems against you, then why on earth did she help you in the first place?
if it were me, i'd just sever ties for a while... don't visit, don't invite...
she's right, the world is wrong... you can't win right now.. maybe if you separate yourself from her company from a while, she will have some time to figure out what an idiot she's been?
at least, i hope so.
i hope you are able to get better, and that your husband is very successful.... hugs
2007-12-20 18:15:52 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like maybe your mom is resentful. let her get over it or let her keep making herself miserable by acting spiteful. just don't subject yourself and kids to it. if u start to feel snubbed...leave. speaking to her about it i sense may cause an explosion between u two, but u could try.
2007-12-20 19:01:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's gonna be that way with your kids, then discontinue her visitation rights. Keep it that way until she learns to be a good grandmother. Your kids shouldn't have to be exposed to that crap.
2007-12-20 18:17:57 · answer #6 · answered by oldschoolelf 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋