Recently, my ex-husband and I went beack to court and worked out a temp. visitation schedule. If you want to know about him..read some of the other questions I post. The man is a nightmare. We share a 6 yr old daughter together and we are both remarried. He has two step children and his wife is due to have a c-section on the 31rst of this month. At our recent court hearing, it was said that I would have her until the 26th of this month and on that day, he would come and get her between 11 and 4 and bring her home on the first of Jan. This is his Christmas visitation. My question is, due to his wife's impending c-section and the fact that he plans to have our daughter at the hospital while all this is going on, being watched by God only knows who in the waiting room, do you think I should say that I don't agree to these dates? Not to mention that if the wife is getting cut open on the 31rst, and he's supposed to have her back on the 1rst that might be impossible?
2007-12-20 18:06:54 · 13 answers · asked by Cha togar m'fhearg gun diola 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Avery (my daughter) was not present at the birth of either of my new kids. She was watched by my sister while my new husband and I were at the hospital. She has no idea about birth or where babies come from. I feel really uncomfortable about this.
2007-12-20 18:09:00 · update #1
okay, since no one wanted to read any of my other postings about my ex, i will let you know so people will stop thinking that I am the hater. This man, was told last summer by our daughter that her grandfather (his dad) was molesting her everyday while she was there with him while everyone else was at work. He didn't tell me about it, he didn't do anything about it. She now has scaring on her cervix and a partially torn hymen. He once put her on a city bus when she was 4 by herself to go to bible school. He is married to a woman that is pregnant and still smoking, and he smokes. Our daughter was born at 33 weeks and has very bad lung probelms but neither one of the will stop smoking around Avery. The new wife will not allow Avery to get anything out of the fridge, because it's all for her and the new baby. I pack Avery's school lunch box every other weekend FULL of food. But yeah, I'm the bad guy here. There are more stories, and the court STILL allows visitation. My hands are tied.
2007-12-21 18:39:11 · update #2
I don't think you should agree on the visitation if you have some doubts about it. Try and think of a better visitation for after the baby has been born. She is not going to feel loved if he is hovering over a new baby and she's there. She's going to think, "Why did he want me here if he's just going to be with the baby?" It's nice that they want her to be present, but I don't think they (or your husband) are putting themselves in her shoes.
2007-12-21 04:09:47 · answer #1 · answered by Fee-Fee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If it was put into the temporary order then you can not change it with out his approval, unfortunately you have to trust that he can make a sound judgement where your daughter is concerned during this time. If i were in your shoes id simply ask him what his plans are for her during that time, if he has someone to watch her or if it may be easier for him and his wife to go ahead and drop her off with u the night before the c-section and then he can come back and pick her up once the baby is born to see her new sibling. I didnt read about your x, but i know what a nightmare ex's can be, but you attract more bee's with honey then u do with vinegar, so if you approach this in the right way, things may go alot smoother then u think, and if nothing else you learn what his game plan is for her during that time, but u can not just decide to with hold his visitations based on this, just as he has to trust in the choices of babysitters that u get for your child, he has the same rights to do so when she is with him. So find out the game plan and offer a solution for him "if" he needs it. Other then that, you will have to trust that he will manage to do the right thing.
2007-12-21 02:39:23 · answer #2 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I haven't read the other questions but I know that my 7 year old daughter would be crushed if she didn't get to see the baby the same day it was born... that is her sibling whether I like it or not. I would say let him for your daughter's sake. The actual c section will take an hour at max and he will be with her the rest of the time anyway. She can't see the c section... she will only be there around the 'good' parts. Baby blankets, booties and cuddling. That is not enough to say no.
2007-12-21 02:12:16 · answer #3 · answered by Karen 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Settle down, punkin head. The rules, as it appears in your post, have already been applied. This is your husbands time with your daughter. The birthing of a child, regardless of the method, is a birth, a natural occurrence. Please don't add more drama. If your daughter was being harmed, I would take grave exception. It's time to sit back and understand that life goes on. There comes a time when we have to learn to go with the flow.
Please don't be so selfish that you interfere with the fact that your daughter should be allowed to welcome her 1/2 brother or sister into this world. They'll be family for life, whether you like it or not. That truth will never be altered. You need to find a way to embrace that.
Sweetheart....Your child is not a pawn to be used in a tit for tat game. Best of the best hon.
2007-12-21 04:21:20 · answer #4 · answered by Horserider75 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ask him where your daughter will be during the c-section and who will be watching her, etc. Maybe one of his family members is going to during the birth and then bring her to see the baby after. Maybe the dad isn't going to be in the room for the surgery and he is watchign her. I guess you just need to find that stuff out to figure out what is best. they won't let her in during the surgery, only the spouse and she can't just be left alone in the waiting room the whoel time or at all.
2007-12-21 02:15:42 · answer #5 · answered by what were you expecting? 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think that you really need to set visitation dates and get it overwith.
Your ex might be a nightmare in YOUR eyes, but do what you have to for your daughter's sake... she is the person we are supposed to be concerned about, not you.
Your ex will figure it out.. he's a grown up...
2007-12-21 02:37:57 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
maybe he doesn't even want to be present during her giving birth time. maybe she will give birth and they will come and see her with your daughter after for a few hours (or minutes) so i don't understand what re u fretting about. did u ask him what was his plan?besides he has other children (his step children) so it is not like she will be left alone and lonely
2007-12-21 02:15:55 · answer #7 · answered by yeahright 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't think you have a choice if that's what the court said.
But, I think it would be good if you explain the surgery to your daughter so it won't be a surprise.
The nurses will probably set him straight about bringing a child into the surgery ward.
Joy to you!
2007-12-21 02:15:43 · answer #8 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just talk to him- send a e-mail offer to pick her up while he is at the hospital. You are not doing it for him, you are looking out for your daughter. Once Avery gets board at the hospital, sleepy and hungry. She is going to show out and he is going to have to call you anyway. Offer to be on stand by. you will get the phone call to pick her back up.
2007-12-21 02:14:05 · answer #9 · answered by lekeshia s 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you might be a lil hurt by him having a child by his new wife. Who said your daughter would be watching his wife have their child? I think that would be selfish for you to not let him take his daughter to help welcome her new sibling in the world. Thats being a lil inconsiderate.......
2007-12-21 02:14:29 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs Thang 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋