What is the heavier burden to bear: responsibility for our actions, or responsibility for not having acted?

Question

Do we find ourselves more defined by what we have done, or by what we have failed, or chosen not, to do?

Is there a construct where you can see both principles in operation, each with their merits and drawbacks? In such a construct, which initiative would you identify with more, the action, or the restraint?

Finally, which option does religion endorse more readily, action or restraint....or possibly reaction?

Answer 1

The heavier burden for me is responsibility for not having acted.

I rarely regret what I have done but I do reflect and regret things that I never attempted especially when my lack of action could have made a difference in someone else's life. Most of those regrets go back years as I have learned, with time, to put myself out there and be more attentive to taking action when possible. Sometimes I try too much. My mentor told me repeatedly "Don't try to fix people. They deserve the opportunity to fail and learn from their mistakes. Preventing that prolongs that wisdom."

It's hard to identify that boundary and step back so I guess I am on the other end of the spectrum at this point in my life.

You're very thoughtful this evening. It's nice to have several meaty topics to discuss. Thanks for that.

Answer 2

The answer to that could be derived from a persons conscience so I don't think everyone would agree with one only over the other. I can bear the weight of the responsibility for the actions I take good or bad, but to not act at all when I could have would bother my conscience.

Maybe this is a bad example, but trust can show both action when it is readily given or restraint when it is held back. With trust, I've always acted and given it freely, the restraint only comes after I find that it was given in error.

Whether a religion endorses action or restraint can depend upon the belief itself. For instance, many of my maternal ancestors were Quakers and that is a religion that is more about restraint - it is passive - it encourages pacifism which I will readily admit to getting mine from. However, on the flip side of that, even within that constraint they take what action they can as a good number of people who had 'stations' on the Underground Railroad during the US Civil War were Quakers who readily put themselves in danger to help others. I guess that is also a good example of your second point too.

Answer 3

The responsibility of having not acted...

For the last few months I've been in a situation where someone was causing hurt to me and someone who I love deeply. As per usual for my weak willed self, shut my mouth and copped it sweet so to speak.

The situation worsened. Letting her wreak havoc on my feeling and life was doing her no service...only perpetuation her negativity and destructiveness. Allowing her to do what she doing triggered the worst depressive episode of my life. It also hurt my partner - both my depression, her actions and my reduced functionality.

Non action was a very heavy burden to bear indeed. I tried my best to consider all alternatives and outcomes, which is nigh impossible. I could see only one clear path...honesty.

So, a few hours ago, I made it very clear to her that I couldn't tolerate it anymore. The angry text messages, the countless calls and voice mails, the tears, the claims of mistreatment and victimisation hurt like hell. What hurt worse is that she informed that she is pregnant and inferred she'll lose the baby because of the stress I've caused her.

I feel very down...I just lost someone who was formerly a good friend. I almost feel as though someone died. I am very concerned about her pregnancy and health...they are burdens I'll bear for quite some time...

But the relief of taking action, being up front and honest and for standing up for myself and my fiance is overwhelming. It's as if a massive burden is gone. I know now I can pull myself back together and crawl out of the slump I've been in. I know in my heart I've done the right thing.

Different religions advocate different options. Some are very proactive, whilst others promote passiveness.

Answer 4

Ah Jack, tough one my friend, For myself I find taking action to be the road I choose most often. Not that I am extremely charismatic or bold. On the contrary I fear that by not taking action I will have to live with the thought later on of "What if I had...."

As far as religion, I believe you to be correct on all three sentiments, action, restraint and reaction. A vicious cocktail.

Be well my friend...; )

Answer 5

ok, wow, second question tonite that made me say WOW !! and make me think...... great question...... and as for me my answer would have to be this : I carry an equal burden for both, what I have done and what I have or did not do... and sometimes the doing was the same as not doing because what I did do was NOT the *right* thing to do.....
religion endorsement of action, restraint and or reaction is hard to define or base an opinion.... each day brings into account of itself.... meaning each day, encounter, positon, action, situation is different, and can not be taken into thought until it happens...... *Shrug*..... go in peace...... God bless

Answer 6

Do you do it, or does 'IT' do you?

that is, are you really in charge of your intentions, emotions, and actions? Or, as Alan Watts suggests, is the universe "doing you"~ manifesting the grandeur and wonder of the cosmos through the astonishing phenomenon known as "you"?

Just go with the flow. and let your karma do 'its' thing and..when all your decisions and actions are no longer forced, but arise naturally from your greater self. And observing the mischievous insights of the ego at the same time.
Life is a symphony, not a foot race! The art of living vs. 'getting things done"

Namaste

Answer 7

Good question! I find that the things I regret the most are the things I didn't do. So I would say that responsibility for not having acted is a heavier burden.

Answer 8

Wow, Jack, this is a very good question. I think a lot of it has to do with the situation. Of course lack of action is an action in itself. In choosing to not aid someone we are choosing to be selfish. Choosing to not react when something irritates us is a positive action. I am babbling, sorry.

Answer 9

Have you ever heard this saying? "all that is needed for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.". To me that says we must act upon and speak out on what we know to be evil. Speaking from experience I can tell you it is harder to live with the things I should have said or done than it is to live with the things I've done...and regret having done them. Believe me, I've been there, done that, wore out the tee shirt, and thank you no don't want another!

Answer 10

Answers to your questions will contain too many if, buts, and maybes. Do (or don't do) whatever you think is best. If it turns out to be wrong then who cares - your heart was in the right place (and we're not all perfect).