How to get a 6yr old to poop on the toilet?

Question

My 6 yr old stepson has had this problem for the last 2 yrs. He will not poop on the toilet. He will hold it as long as he can. Which is usually until he falls asleep. If you make him sit on the toilet he will hop up & down to stop himself and scream & cry. Unfortunately because I am his stepmother I have no rights to take him to the doctor. I know that his diet is not good either. He will only eat chicken nuggets & pizza. He will make himself vomit if you put a veggie in front of him. From what his father & I are told his mother has taken him to the Dr & told us that we are to give him laxatives. I refuse to give them to him. He is too young to be fed laxatives on a daily basis especially when there is no reason he can't go he just doesn't want to. His father and I have decided that when he comes to our house he is to put on pull ups? Is this a bad idea for a 6 yr old? We have told him if he can't act like a big kid & go on the toilet he will have to wear diapers. Is this harsh?

Answer 1

Take away chicken nuggets untill he goes. When he goes, then give them to him.

Answer 2

Have him sit there till he goes...period. Listen this happened to our son and he was on "lacotose" (a stool softener) for almost 2 years. He's now 9 and was 4 at the time. You must feed him lots of fiber when he "is" in your car (being your the step-mom I realize you can't dictate his diet all the time). I also tried the Benefiber and it really helped also. Our son got so bad that we had to rush him to the ER with stomach cramps, he was compacted. This was the reason for the stool softener. There really isn't anything wrong with it for kids, it what some kids need. It probably hurts him to go pooh or he's just being stubborn. IF it's the later - try this. Take him to the store - let him pick out ANY toy he wants. Then go home and tell him when he goes pooh in the toilet that you'll go right out and get it. (or buy it and let him know he can have it after he goes pooh in the toilet).
THIS was the ONLY way our son did it for the first time in the toilet. You should have seen the look on his face when his pooh went in the toilet. He was TERRIFIED! They don't realize what's going to happen....until it does. He was so proud of himself and yes he got the toy. I know some may frown on bribing...however I believe that if it helps the child especially with a situation like this..then do it. Pull ups? I'd really try NOT to do that. I'd try to break this habit he has. Reward him for going pooh is what I say.

Final note: I just read where you stated that the MOM took him to the DR and they gave him laxatives? Are they prescribed "stool softeners" perhaps? Research http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactulose
I highly recommed doing what Dr's suggest. (most of the time)
I wish you the best.
Merry Christmas!

Answer 3

My son has the same problem and we've been dealing with it since he was about 3 and he's 6 now. First of all, for you not to follow his MOTHER'S directions is wrong. She is his mother and you are not. She took him to the doctor and is doing what the doctor said, that is her being a responsible parent and you and your husband not listening is being IRRESPONSIBLE. My son's doctor has said that the only thing to do about this problem is to give them laxitives or fiber every day until they get used to going on a daily basis and don't need the laxitives anymore. By you not giving him the laxitives at your house, you are screwing with his body's cycle. He'll never get used to going daily because you are stopping the laxitives. The only other option is surgery, and it will get to that point if you don't give him the laxatives. Then, the only person to blame is you, for not following the doctor's and this child's mother's directions. It is extremely selfish and immature of you to think that you know better than his doctor. Besides, they make laxatives for children and the doctor can prescribe them as well. By the way, if the doctor prescribes laxatives for the child and you don't give them to him because you don't believe he needs them, that's called child neglect and endangerment. If I were his mother, I wouldn't let him go to your house until you learned to follow directions.

Answer 4

Your husband should take him to the doctors. If your step sons mother isn't going to be a more responsible parent someone (dad of course) needs to step up to the plate and find out what the problem is. This pooping problem does not sound normal and can possible harm the child in the long run. Besides if he goes in his pants, sooner or later kids in school will make fun of him for stinking! This could be a wake up call for attention or a medical/ physiological problem. Kids can be picky eaters but he needs more than just chicken nuggets & pizza. Put 3 or 4 different things on his plate and if he wants to be excused from the table atleast 2 items must be ate. That's my rule and my kids have learned it. Offer things like apple sauce, buttered bread, mac & cheese, try gravy if he doesn't like plain mashed potatoes, if he's picky about a certain meat have him to atleast try it. If he still doesn't like it offer a peanut butter sandwich since peanut butter if high in protein. Good luck and hang in there step mom! Thanks for being a caring & concerned parent for your step son!

Answer 5

This is horrible. Why is it the natural parents never take a stand (in this case the mother) for the kids functionimg right? How sad for this kid that his mom does not care enough about his self esteem and hygiene and health that she won't do something.

It is NOT too harsh what you suggest. NO one should have to clean up crap after an able-bodied kid.

He may have something physically painful going on. Diet would be a possible cause, and laxatives are not a cure. He has to be fed right, drink enough water (not just sodas). The parents need to go to counseling or something. They are clueless. And the kid needs it too or he is going to be majorly ill physically and psychologically as he gets older.

I am sorry you are caught in the middle. I was too - my stepkids were encouraged to be bedwetters and I had to deal with all that. Not quite as gross as what you are dealing with. It's disgusting. I wish I knew what to tell you to try.

One thing I can say fromn experience is kids will use whatever they can to try to control parents in situations. My stepkids had the bedwetting, and refused to eat decent homecooked food. It had to be chicken nuggets or starches.

Answer 6

Your husband is the father so he has the right to take the child to the doctor. Does the child do this at home too? Your stepson needs counseling to find out the root of this problem? Something is wrong, he won't poop on the toilet, he makes himself vomit if he sees veges. He will probably like the diapers. He is crying out for help.

Answer 7

By putting the pull up on him you are enforcing this behavior. He now has a way to not use the toliet.
Have his father ask the mother how the laxitives are working at her house, if he is using the toliet then I would do what the doctor says.
Is it possible that he has hard poop from his diet so it is painful to poop and that is why he doesnt want to use the toliet?
My daughters best friend had this problem, she just didnt like pooping on the toliet and would hold it until her stomach hurt so bad she would get sick. Eventually she out grew it (she is 7 now)
If you see the signs that he has to poop and is holding it I would say a better way of dealing with it then the pull ups is to have his father take him into the bathroom and make him stay there and not get up until its in the toliet and then sit in there with him until he does it.

Answer 8

Hi, this is not a harsh option and it is not a bad Idea. Encouragement is the answer! Reward him with something he enjoys (try for it not to be unhealthy food) like a toy. For the food problem you can purchase products at the grocery store that look like normal food but have vegetables inside. For example: Veggie patties. You can buy products like these at your local grocery store in the frozen section. Also you can give him vegetarian nuggets(with healthy stuff inside) . If he questions the taste, tell him it is a normal chicken nugget. If possible, You should make him fruit smoothies (don't tell him they have fruit in them though!). Do not push him too hard and try to force him or he will dislike them more. Tell him that if he does not go poop then you will have to give him the tablets (even though you won't, you can still say you will)
Good luck!
Hope this has helped.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like it's a number of things: 1) his constipation could be caused by not enough fibres 2) his constipation could be caused be all that pizza he eats 3) he could be doing this because it's his way of controlling something in his life. If it's 1 or 2 then you need to get him on metimulcul- it's a fibre thingy you put in a drink (usually 1-2 times per day) and you and your hubby need to cut back on feeding him pizza it's only cloggin him up. If it's 3) then you need to get him into therapy asap because it could be theres something serious going on there like sexual abuse. Either way you look at it if he don't crap in the toilet soon he will DIE due to excess bacteria in his system. Good luck :)

Answer 10

Maybe if instead of being "fed laxatives" he were subjected to a "toilet training remedial course" - the old-fashioned way, where you give him enemas or suppositories on a weekly basis if he doesn't produce - it might motivate him to get a grip of his toilet avoidance, and conquer his culinary predjudices..

Answer 11

take him to the doctor, this is a medical condition, I saw this on Oprah, sometimes this continues till kids are in high school and the continue to poop in pants etc..needs counseling now, and medication this is serious problem, needs psych dr, not regular doctor, some doctors cant diagnose because they have never heard of problem.