I'm 20 years old and currently in college. For a little over the past year, I've had this uncontrollable urge to be a mother with my long term boyfriend who I've been with.. I love him and he loves me. Since I'm still in school, we're deciding that we should wait to have children. It's hard for me to suppress this desire I have... It doesn't make sense that I have it anyways. I've been through a lot... I raised my older sister's premature son for quite some time (that was in my teen years 15-17). He more than likely has ADD and other problems (he also was very sick which made him need care 24/7) yet those never got to me. My oldest sister actually said he made her never want to have kids. Why didn't he have this effect on me? How can I minimize this desire so that I can get through school before having children?
P.S. My nephew was also denied from a few daycares because of his large amount of problems.. why didn't I ever have a problem with them??
2007-12-20 14:32:20 · 8 answers · asked by TashaD 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I am a full-time student and I also work 30+ hours at my job. I have to in order to pay for school since I'm paying for it on my own. It's very important to me, so I know I'll always finish school since I'm who is putting me through school. I just really don't know how to put off this desire.. I've gone through everything that'd make other women say "no" forever.. why doesn't it work for me for at least right now? :(
2007-12-20 15:03:42 · update #1
One of my jobs I had as a teen was also working at a daycare. There were times were there were more than 18 kids running and screaming around a small space. I got to the point where I could tune that out and enjoy their livelihood, so I don't think it'll help me to see other kids who are active/misbehaving. :(
2007-12-20 15:31:33 · update #2
It sounds like you are a very loving, caring, nuturing person. Sometimes, it is hard to control this instinct. I don't think you should minimize your desire to be a mother. You just need to defer it for a few more years.
When you do have your children, you will be the kind of mom who will want to focus on her kids and not go to school. You will probably want to stay at home with them while they are really little. You will want them to be in an awesome daycare when/if you go back to work. You will want a house for your child to live in with a nice backyard and good schools. You will want money saved up so you can buy furniture for a beautiful nursery. You will want a job that is flexible enough to allow you to balance work and home when the time comes.
To do all of these things, you will need to finish school and get a good job so you can be the kind of mom you will want to be.
So don't look at it as minimizing your desire. Look at it your six, seven, eight year plan to be able to be the kind of mom you want to be. So your next two years or whatever should be about finishing up with school. Then think about getting married...it makes lots of things easier...really. Then save some money, get a house, get established in your career, save more money, start taking prenatal vitamins and then get busy making babies.
You probably would be a good mom if you had a baby now, but you are in a position to set yourself up to be a GREAT mom, so that is why you should hold back your desire to have kids now. Good luck!
2007-12-20 14:50:42 · answer #1 · answered by Computer Geek 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
The desire itself is difficult to suppress, so you'll probably just have to consciously remind yourself that you still have plenty of time to become a mother, and part of becoming a mother is being able to provide for your children...remind yourself that you are taking steps now to do just that, and then when you DO become a mother, you will be ready.
I feel your pain...when that biological clock goes off, you want kids so bad you can taste it. It's not something that can just be shut off. Believe me, after 4 years (and counting) of infertility, I've TRIED.
Just tell yourself to be patient. You have plenty of time.
2007-12-20 22:41:51 · answer #2 · answered by War Games AM 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You are a saint for raising your sister's kids.But you should also think of your further
To have kids is hard.They are so needy. (I'm just playing) But they do need to have our full heart and soul.If you go to school plus you work when will you have time to spend with your child. You should focus on you for now
2007-12-21 00:01:13 · answer #3 · answered by Mary M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I remember that urge!!!!!! It's very powerfull and it's natures way of populating the world. Remember it's just your hormones sending you messages. You don't have to act on it at this stage. Wait till you are married and finished studies, and have plenty of savings. You have plenty of time.
2007-12-20 23:40:21 · answer #4 · answered by flip 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend loves you he would punch your ovaries. That will definately end any desire to have a baby. Other than that, get married first. Also, why would you want to have a kid when you're not ready. You won't have the job you want because you won't finish school. Poor kid, think about what he'll go through.
2007-12-20 23:00:49 · answer #5 · answered by Gnizzle 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Dont do it if you not ready.
Its natural to have a desire, but just do what you obviously already KNOW is best.
Go to wal-mart right now......then you might change your mind lol.
2007-12-20 23:22:31 · answer #6 · answered by JP 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
poopy diapers, stretch marks, painful delivery, sleepless nights, not being able to go on weekend trips whenever you feel like it, not being able to have loud sex whenever and wherever you feel like it...
Is this working yet?
2007-12-21 13:12:01 · answer #7 · answered by jimbell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm.well it sucks and idk if its b/c im 14 or not but im only three months and i'm already going through hell lol
2007-12-20 22:38:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋