What causes tantrums and how to deal?

Question

My ex and I had some issues...he's abusive. Never to our daughter, but she has terrible tantrums and I feel as though she's too old. She's 6. What is that about? The other day she didnt want to eat when we had gone out with a friend, and she was crying and stomping. She even stood up on the chair...she dug both of her hands into the pizza that the waiter hadn't even sat down on the table, and wiped her hands down my shirt. I don't want to spank her? Just sassy and I don't know her sometimes. There's this thing...maybe for comfort? She HAS to put her hand up my shirt and rest it on my breast? And my friend gave me advice but it didnt work. She has a fit if she cannot do that. She has to sleep with me becuase she has to do that. She even does in public. Help me?

Answer 1

oh god.

your daughter has some issues, and you really need to get a handle on them NOW. your daughter is 6... do you know her formative years are over?

negative attention is better than none at all, especially for an insecure, anxiety ridden and angry child.. your child exhibits all of these traits. and she throws fits and tantrums and does rotten things for ATTENTION.

It's inappropriate for her to have tantrums.... it's inappropriate for her to put her hand up your shirt, especially in public, and she should not be sleeping with you every night.

maybe you could talk to the pediatrician about her behavior. he can make a referral.

i am speaking from experience when i tell you there are many wonderful therapist out there who are very well trained and do a phenominal job with children...

you will have to work with her, too.. and participate in sessions, i'm sure.

it takes a bit for a child to "get to know and trust" a therapist...

my son had issues with acting out when he was 7 or 8... i took him to a therapist because his behavior was very disturbing (not as bad as your child, but disturbing enough).

i came to realize that children feel their parent's divorces are somehow THEIR FAULT...and that they have been abandoned by one or the other... so their emotional pain is devastating.

i hope you get some good help. you would be doing your daughter a great disservice if you neglected this behavior and continued to tolerate it... loving her isn't enough right now.

and it's too late to take the "ignore her" approach.

Answer 2

Read, "To Train Up a Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl. You have got to get control of this child. What do you think the teen age years are going to be like? You are the parent and your child is desperately crying out for boundaries.

Answer 3

It is quite obvious that YOU have induldged this child rather than disciplined her over the years. YOU have given in to her tantrums rather than telling her "no" and using time outs and CONSISTENTLY. She does NOT have to touch your breasts! She does NOT have to sleep with you YOU have determined that therefore YOU are creating the problem. NOTHING is going to work the first time YOU have to be consistent and do the same thing over and over and over and over...She has obviously gotten away with this for at LEAST four years...stopping it isn't going to happen overnight. Until you change YOUR behavior and stop induldging your child this is going to continue.

Answer 4

She has figured out that is her way of getting what she wants. I am not making less of the ex but you still need to be firm with her. Ignore her tantrums. After you ignore her enough she will give up.

Answer 5

Your daughter's behavior may be the legacy of witnessing your husband's abuse. You really need to find a good therapist for your daughter, and yourself. Your guilt about your past relationship may also be affecting your ability to parent effectively.

Your daughter needs to learn, through you and therapy, that she is not damaged goods.